Disclaimer: KHR is not mine, thank heavens, because I would bring shame to its name.
Pairing: D27
Gawd, it's been some time since I published anything from KHR fandom. Been busy not having a life after seeing The Avengers. Twice. Now I completely... lack inspiration, for both Avengers and KHR. And somehow I go for romance after comedy/parody and it just... intimate and innocent and turns out bad and...
...here it is. Hope at least some of you will enjoy.
You have no idea how hard it is for a sixteen year old boy to like someone who is, a) also male, b) seven years older, and c) treats you like a brother. Tsuna is a fairly oblivious and innocent boy, he knows he is, but, somehow, around Dino-san, the most perverted thoughts come to his mind, the kind that makes him blush, and want to throw himself off a cliff. So, on the one hand, it's a good thing he doesn't see Dino-san that often, but on the other, times when they aren't together seem to get harder and harder to bare. Tsuna finds himself spacing out, experiencing mood swings, escaping all the what ifs, only to face these horrifyingly dirty thoughts. He hates them. They alone seem to violate Dino-san. Not that in these thoughts Dino-san is the one being violated. Oh God, see? Tsuna wants to immediately turn into emotionally and hormonally stable adult, or go back to being an innocent and pure-minded middle-schooler. He's losing his mind. Nothing like what he felt when he thought he was in love in Kyoko-chan. Of course, he still loves her. She is his best friend, someone in, but also outside the whole mafia thing. He still can tell her things he can't tell Yamamoto or Gokudera-kun. And she still helps him in ways that nobody else can. He appreciates her being there for him, and he definitely loves her as a friend. He just doesn't feel in love with her. Surprisingly enough, there is a difference. The things you learn when your hormones activate...
Tsuna isn't good at keeping secrets. Frankly, he sucks at it so bad, he wants to cry every time he thinks about it. That's why, he tries to avoid meeting Dino-san with other people around, at all costs. It's embarrassing enough that Reborn started giving him weird looks. Sure, the Arcobaleno is an all-knowing monster, but it won't be long before Haru or Gokudera-kun, with their hypersensitivity for changes in his behavior, will notice. That would be a disaster, because Haru would definitely break into tears and alarm everybody in sight, and Gokudera-kun would most probably try to blow Dino-san up. Blow... Dino-san... Christ! Tsuna needs counseling. Or at least something, anything, to busy himself with. Maybe it's time to quit the go-home club. Try something challenging, yet relaxing. Like knitting. As if Reborn would allow for a future mafia boss to have such a hobby. Even Tsuna knows it's gay. But he apparently is kind of gay, so... Maybe Reborn has some straightness bullet? That would fix everything. But it would also require talking with Reborn about his feelings. And casting these feelings away. And Tsuna most certainly does not hate them. He likes being in love with Dino-san. Usually. Sometimes. Okay, hardly ever. The only times he doesn't feel guilty about, or scared of, these feelings is when he's alone with Dino-san. And it doesn't last long either, because he feels this suffocating need to tell him. And then he thinks about all the reasons why he can't, and all of this is just exhausting. Honestly, being in love with Dino-san is killing him. So Tsuna will take this straightness bullet, right about now. Because Dino-san should be at his doorstep any minute.
And when Tsuna hears the doorbell, he rushes downstairs like a complete fool. And when he sees him, he wants to grovel before him, for even thinking about wanting to fall out of love with him. And when Dino-san ruffles his hair, he involuntarily leans into the touch, and he doesn't remember what he was thinking about for the past hour. He only remembers he was waiting, and now he knows it wasn't in vain. They sit alone in Tsuna's room, and they play some video game. Tsuna doesn't really know why, because it's hopeless, since they both have no manual skills whatsoever. But Tsuna enjoys it; he feels calm, relaxed, and warm inside. Besides, they decided to always do meaningless things they don't have time for otherwise, because in this room, the two of them are no longer mafia. So even if they don't particularly like playing video games, they do it anyway. And they just talk, about things other than mafia, and about people other than Reborn and Hibari-san.
"Whatcha thinking about, little bro?"
"Asking Gokudera-kun to assassinate Hibari-san..." Oops. That just slipped out.
"Why? Did Kyoya do something to you? Did he..." Dino-san looks sincerely worried, and a bit angry even. Tsuna feels overjoyed and guilty at the same time.
"No. Never mind, I don't even know why I said that. Sorry. I guess I was just spacing out, and some weird things came up in my head." Tsuna laughs nervously, and lets his player fall into a pit of lava.
"You... seem to be spacing out a lot lately. Whenever I come to visit, you... seem to avoid me... And when we're finally here, you... do this. This thing... Did I... do something wrong?" Tsuna's heart breaks into a billion pieces, and he wants to shout at Dino-san for thinking something so ridiculous. But he can't allow himself to get too emotional here.
"N-no.' Tsuna is surprised how calm and soft his voice is. 'You didn't. I just have... a lot on my mind right now."
"Something you can't tell me about? You used to tell me everything... Is it about Kyoko?" Tsuna panics at the unexpected turn of the conversation. How did it come to Kyoko-chan? What was Dino-san even thinking?
"No! Why would it be?"
"It's nothing to embarrassed about, little bro! Did you guys have a fight? It's okay, you know, that's what couples do sometimes." Tsuna's eyes widen at that, and he drops his pad. He can't have Dino-san thinking he and Kyoko-chan are going out, he just can't! Never mind not being over-emotional.
"Wha- What? What are you talking about, Dino-san? We're not a couple! We're just friends! Why would you think..." Tsuna has to take a deep breath, because he would rather avoid biting his tongue off. He needs to calm down, or else Dino-san will think he's crazy.
"I mean... you used to like her so much... And now you're so shocked at the prospect... What happened?" Tsuna takes a few deep breaths. He really doesn't want to have this conversation, so he decides to cut it short as calmly and firmly as possible.
"I have someone else I like. That's it. Kyoko-chan is just a friend." Dino-san is silent, so Tsuna sighs slightly with relief. Any more of this conversation, and he'd say something he'd surely regret.
"Is it Haru?" Tsuna rolls his eyes on reflex. Why is Dino-san so persistent? And why is he so dense? Why won't he notice? Not that Tsuna would like him to, because that would be a catastrophe. The moment Dino-san would learn about Tsuna's feelings would be the last he ever saw of him, that's for sure.
"No. It's not Haru. Now could we please stop talking about it? I really don't feel like it, Dino-san."
"But I want to know!"
"But why?"
"What do you mean why? You're my cute little brother, and liking someone is... is a big deal! And I want to know about something this important!"
"Well, too bad, because I'm not going to spill." Tsuna states matter-of-factly. He's amazed with how collected he is at the moment. He can't even understand himself anymore. He should be freaking out, really. Fortunately, there's something inside his brain that is smarter than him.
"But why?" It's Dino-san's turn to ask this pointless question.
"Because! Because... you wouldn't like it." That's the truth, no matter how it pains Tsuna to admit it. "I'm not saying, Dino-san, and that's final."
"There's no way I wouldn't like someone you like! Come on, Tsuna, don't be like that!" Tsuna smiles, because Dino-san is acting like a child, and it's really cute and funny. It's almost as if they weren't treading a shaky ground. Well, Dino-san doesn't know they do, after all. So Tsuna should keep it that way.
"Well, you like Hibari-san, so you have low enough standards..." Dino-san laughs, and Tsuna starts laughing too. His secret's safe, their relationship intact. That's how it's supposed to be. Just like that. He shouldn't spoil it. Never. They resume the game with smiles on their faces, and everything is going in the right direction again, when Tsuna suddenly does something he won't be able to explain to himself for the rest of his life.
"It's you, Dino-san." He is smiling and his eyes are focused on the TV screen. Then, he feels hot and heavy tears streaming slowly down his cheeks, right before he realizes what he's just said. And just as he turns around, and opens his mouth to deny it, explain, do something to make this right, Dino-san grabs his face in both hands and starts kissing his cheeks. He is kissing his eyes until they are dry, and he is kissing his lips until they stop trembling. Tsuna doesn't want to know, nor he wants to understand. He doesn't want to open his eyes either, even long after Dino-san's lips against his own are replaced by a hot breath, and Tsuna can feel brown eyes on him. When he finally decides to look, he can see his own nails deep in Dino-san's wrists, which looks painful, and he can see a flushed face closer than ever before, which feels uncomfortable, and Tsuna starts to laugh. That's what people do when they are happy, right? Tsuna laughs while closing his eyes again, and laughs while wrapping his arms around Dino-san's neck. And Dino-san is laughing too.
Writing this ending was like stabbing myself in the chest with a blunt rainbow. I just... really suck at romance. So thank you for reading!
