Sometimes you need to cry. But you can't no matter how hard you try. It's as if your problems don't deserve your tears. Well, if you need to cry or tear up, or even just feel sad. This story is for you. WARNING! DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO BE SAD OR IN TEARS! Please review. Also, this is not a fanfic, but a story. Some readers may relate to it and some may not. But if you're like me, and can't cry unless you read something depressing or something like that. If you need to cry or be sad, I suggest you read this. Also, to really set the mood, I advise you listen to Martina McBride - Concrete Angel while reading this. So...umm... let me know of your reactions to the story by reviewing. Thanks! :)


Here I am again, curled up on my bed with the pictures around me.

Pictures of us. When you and I were something great.

I'm so sorry it can't still be this way.

My eyes drift over to the picture of us at the park.

I remember that day.

We were ten.

Our sisters had soccer practice and we both came just so we could see each other.

The park had a playground near by.

We walked to it, talking and laughing.

I cherished every moment, thinking 'so this is what real friendship is like'.

You were always laughing and doing silly things.

You always were more of a thrill seeker than me.

I remember watching you hang upside down from the top of the tall monkey bars.

I was too afraid to do it. But you weren't.

We laughed and screamed, acting like the stupid kids we were.

You threw your water bottle at me and it burst open.

Instead of being upset, we laughed.

And when you got thirsty, we shared mine.

You gave me some of your gum that had been in your mouth saying it was a 'thank you' for letting you drink from my water bottle.

I dried it off and chewed it. It tasted like berries.

We laughed and talked some more.

Then we rolled down the big hill at the top of the playground, laughing and screaming at the same time.

Our hair was messed up but we didn't care.

We took a picture while making silly faces.

We talked some more and then we had to leave...

My eyes move over to the next picture.

We were thirteen in this one.

You came over my house for a sleepover.

We went swimming in my backyard.

I remember us beating each other with the pool noodles and disagreeing over who won the match.

We tried screaming under the water to see if the other heard.

We gave each other piggy back rides.

Everything was perfect.

Eventually, we got out so we could eat.

My mom made your favorite. Spaghetti.

You must've eaten about three plates worth before you were done.

Then we got ice-cream for desert. It was delicious.

You smiled as you gave yourself a chocolate moustache.

We laughed and talked.

When we were finished, we headed up to my room.

I showed you my new nail polish kit and we painted our nails.

You brought some of your makeup and we gave each other makeovers.

We even pretended to be drunk on the floor, making up all kinds of goofy stories.

Later that night, we discussed our problems.

We told secrets that were only meant for the other to hear.

You took my duct tape kit and made a bracelet.

I played with my duct tape glasses.

We took a picture with abnormally big smiles.

The rest of the night we just layed in my bed talking for hours until the sun came up...

I look at the last picture.

We were fifteen.

We were walking in the woods by your uncle's house.

We had been fighting lately but now everything seemed to be normal again.

After we had taken this picture you looked a lot different.

You looked sad.

I asked you what was wrong.

You looked at me and whispered. "I'm sorry..."

"What for?" I asked..

You took a deep breath and screamed at me. "I'M DONE!"

I was shocked.

"What are you talking about?" was all I could say.

"Just stop it..." you said bitterly.

"What's wrong Amy?" I said. "You can tell me. I'm your best friend."

"No!" you yelled at me, tears covering your face. "You aren't!"

I tried to say something but you cut me off.

"Look, I'm sorry but this isn't working anymore!" you shouted. "You and I just don't mix like we used to! It's gotten so boring talking with you! I can hardly text you back anymore! I have other friends now! I don't need you anymore!"

"I don't understand..." I said, feeling tears coming forward. "What's wrong...?"

"Just shut up and go Katie!" you screamed.

My heart dropped.

What just happened?

You looked at me angrily.

I backed up.

"Just get outta here!" you yelled.

I turned and ran home in tears.

That night, I didn't sleep. All I could do was cry. My heart was shattered.

You were my only friend...

My eyes turn away from the pictures.

More memories begin to come forward.

After that day you were never the same.

You ignored me like I was nothing.

You started hanging out everyone else.

Not just one person in particular.

You were always smiling and laughing like nothing had happened.

I went into severe depression.

I would cry myself to sleep at night.

Sometimes I would scream.

My parents would always rush in and comfort me.

But they never knew why I would scream.

I started to see a therapist.

He was nice. His name was Joseph.

I liked to call him Joey.

I used to talk to him about my problems like I used to talk to you.

He would listen and sometimes reply. But he mostly kept to himself.

He told my parents I was severely depressed and needed to take medication.

Soon I became dependent on the pills...

I never did get over you or what you said...

I sigh and curl up even tighter.

Several months later I received the news.

You were dead. No explanation except that you hung yourself while your parents were out.

I remember crying my eyes out.

Even after the heartache you caused me I still loved you.

For days I did nothing but cry.

Then it was time for your funeral.

I wore I black dress and black heels.

My makeup had been done perfectly and I looked better than I ever have before.

I was quiet when I looked at the casket.

It was black and shiny.

I couldn't help but get the feeling that it was my fault.

I don't know why but I did.

Your mom walked over to me and handed me a tape, tears on her face.

I took it with a shaky hand and slipped it into my coat pocket.

Everyone walked outside for the procession.

I held back my tears as I watched them lower you into the earth.

When they started to bury you I screamed.

Everyone turned to me as I broke down sobbing.

I was screaming so loud someone asked if they should call the paramedics.

But I didn't stop. I couldn't watch them bury you.

Not you. Not the girl who loves pizza, music, dancing, having a good time, is loyal as hell, will always love you no matter what.

Not the girl who saved me from myself...

Eventually my throat was sore and it was time to leave.

I went home in tears.

I made my way to my room and played the tape.

You were standing in your room with a noose around your neck.

You spoke softly, you were scared. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. Mommy and Daddy I'm sorry I wasn't a good enough daughter. Lilly I'm sorry for failing my job as an older sister."

You said your apologies to everyone you could think of.

Then tears fell from your eyes. "Katie... if you can see this, know that I'm so sorry for what I did. I know I was never good enough for you and before I did this I wanted you to see that. I love you so much, you've saved me so many times and didn't even know it. I hope you can forgive me for everything I did. You were too good of a person to be burdened with my problems. I'm sorry..."

You held the remote to the camera in your hand as you turned it off.

The tape ended and I broke down in tears once more...

I feel tears coming forward but I don't let them fall.

I'm sorry I couldn't save you this time.

I'm sorry I didn't see the signs.

It's been five years now and I still miss you.

I always thought you saved me but we saved each other.

You lost your strength and will, but you gave me mine again.

I've finally gotten my life back in order.

I'm off the pills. I hope you're proud of me.

I write to you in a special book every day. I have several of these books now from over the years.

Maybe you read them, maybe you don't. I hope you do...

Where ever you are, I hope you're happy and loved.

Please don't forget about me.

You'll always be my best friend.

I love you!


I know... depressing... well hopefully my next story will end happier! Let me know how you reacted to this story by reviewing! See ya! :)