Chapter 1 - Mother
He was chasing a lizard, his first meal in a long time. This lizard was extremely fast even for lizards in that place. He was losing strength in his legs. It was a matter of life and death for both of them. So both were putting their all into it: running. Before losing, he decides to give one last shot. He runs with all his might in his body, closes in a little, dives at it and finally catches the out of breath lizard. The lizard was not protesting at all. It has also given up. He had won this quest of survival.
"I just barely survived. So, I can live for another seven brightest stars" he thought.
That's what he learned from all this situation. With no food, he could survive at least for Seven whole brightest has been starving for seven brightest stars. His mother told him that he will die if he did not eat for more than seven brightest stars. It is his longest hunger streak.
His name is Lees Sai. He is Eighteen years old. He lives in this place all alone. "ALL ALONE" means he has not seen any other living human being, since the death of his mother. He wanders around all day until his legs give up in order to find food for his survival, meet someone like him wandering around in this place and most Importantly to find Someone or something called "Sun".
It has been ten years, since his mother died. His Mother was all he ever had. The only world he ever knew, met, felt and learnt from. The only being in this god forsaken place who was warm and more importantly, who loved him. He was intelligent or "The Genius" as his mother called him. He could still remember his mother from the time when he was just One year old.
He remembered her telling him everyday that she was sick; she was going to leave him someday; to live as long as he can; how sorry she was, for giving him a life with darkness, loneliness, hunger and all the pains in the world; and She Loved him. She told him so, again and again and again. Maybe thousand times or ten thousand times or as he feels maybe really a billion times.
He had finished eating the lizard. He was still not full. This lizard was small. Maybe it had not eaten anything for long as well. He could never find out what these things eat. If he knew, he would try eating that as well. He always preferred Kappas over lizards. Kappas were fluffy, bigger; so had more meat and easier to catch as well as they were slower. Thinking of Kappas made him drool. However, his mother did not like them much. In fact she did not like Lizards either. But there was nothing else to eat. So she would always prefer to eat lizards. She also told him to eat Kappas less as they were not very healthy. Having to eat after a long time and the recent struggle were making him sleepy. He lied down with a stone as a pillow. He was happy. He was alive, as mother told him to be. He smiled and his mother kissed him. He smiled more brightly and she kissed him again. With full heart, he fell asleep.
Baaang, Baaaang, Babaaang. . . . . .
The loud noise from the land of ghosts woke him up. The brightest star had vanished from the sky. "I slept long enough" He thought. He had not been able to sleep for a past few days because of hunger. He sat up, yawned and started looking around. He could hear his mother instructing:
Sai-Love! Quick! Look for some rock shelters, empty Kappa sheds or caves. The land has farted. We should protect ourselves.
The place where Lee Sai and his mother lived was very dark. So dark that they couldn't see anything. He never saw his mother or those Lizards or Kappas. He knew the things mostly from feeling and sound. The lizard runs with a slapping sound on the ground with its flat feet and the Kappa made a siren like sound from their nose. His mother taught him about sounds. She could catch lizard in few hundred steps when he was 1 year old. But she got weaker due to cough sickness later on.
He quickly started to move to one side. Unlike his mother, He could always feel the ground. He could feel the hills, the pits, the rocky and muddy places and he was best at finding cover and caves. He had sensed a small opening not far from him earlier. The walked briskly.
"Sai! take me with you. Don't you dare leave your mother alone." Mother would have said.
He slowed down. If mother was alive, he would come back, grab her hand and lead her to the cave opening. He reached the cave. The opening was small. "Perfect" he thought.
"Be careful! Don't forget the rules. First check whether the cave is rocky or muddy. You don't want to be buried inside alive. Right?" The rocky caves were better since they were strong and sturdy. "Make sure! there are no kappas living in the cave. We do not want to share space with them." She hated those delicious things the most. "Why?" One of the things, he could never asked his mother.
He did not feel any presence inside cave. He bowed a little to have a better feel.
"Let me go in first! My Genius love!" He heard her saying.
He waited for awhile alone outside the cave, reminiscing how his mother would crawl in the cave, Lie in with the support of wall of the cave and then spread her arms for him. He would wait outside until then. He would the enter the cave and his mother would wrap her arms around him. Her hugs were warm. If it was not for her, he wouldn't have known what warmth was. This place was all cold. Everything was very cold. His mother told him so. For him everything else was normal-Not cold but his mother's embrace was warm-very warm.
He entered the cave and settled in. This cave was smaller for his size. He could not sit straight. He was a little uncomfortable. He could feel the pressure of gases coming. It was the first explosion in this whole year. he thought Maybe even land couldn't get to eat anything for a while. No food, no gases. He tried to sleep again for sometime with no benefit. He was all awake. He had nothing to do.
He felt lonely. He rarely felt lonely. He would wander around all day to find something to eat and his mother was with him all the time to instruct, to teach, to love and to make him warm. He remembered his days with his mother. Even though, his mother called him a genius, she knew everything. She taught him everything, he knew. She taught him how to hunt, What to eat and what not to eat from the lizard an Kappa. She told him that when the biggest and brightest star in the sky appears again, the day has passed and 1 year had 365 days. She told him not to go to the Land of ghosts, the land from where huge explosive and screeching sounds were heard occasionally. That land erupted deadly gases. They could smell them even from far far away. She told him these were the sounds that ground made when it farted. Whenever these gases erupted His Mother would cough heavily. She was in pain. He knew it because he was smart.
"Mother" He wondered. He always wondered what "Mother" actually meant. Even now, when he had grown a lot, he couldn't understand. He could never ask his mother what her name was or how he was born to her or for that matter, what being born actually meant. She just told him that she was his mother and he was her son, LeeSai. He believed that she knew everything.
"Now, I think about it, I could not ask mother many things." He thought to himself staring in the dark space. "I wanted to ask: How come we are all alone?; Why don't you like Kappas-they are tasty?; Why do you cough?; Why Land farts are dangerous-I don't feel anything breathing in them?; What is a woman?; What is a man?; How come you can see me and I can't see you?; what is pain; and most importantly,What is a sun." His thoughts were getting wilder.
Whenever he was happy, he would laugh and when he laughed, she would kiss him. He would laugh more and she would kiss again and again and again. He would laugh until he was tired laughing, until his eyes cried laughing, Until his heart gave out laughing. If he could, he would laugh forever and make her kiss him forever. He chuckled reminiscing.
As much as her kisses made him happy, they made him wonder how does she know where his lips were. She would kiss him on all the face but lips. He sometimes asked wondering how does she know and she would say "Because I am your Mother". He believed Mother was some God, like the one she told him about. He believed so until she died, because his mother told him: gods don't die. He wished she were a god.
He remembered, he would cry all the time when he was very young because of hunger. But he heard his mother rarely crying. Three times only. One time she cried, when he tried to catch a lizard. He was only two years old. They were hungry for days and he could not resist. He heard it and ran after it. Lizard was fast. He could not catch it. He lost it and returned to where his mother was and heard her crying out loud and screaming his name, repeatedly. He could feel, she was going in other direction. He ran after her and grabbed her by her leg. She sat down on her knees, took him in her warm embrace and cried for a long time. After that, she made him promise that he will never leave her alone again.
Second time was, when he just turned four. They were not able to catch any Lizards for a long time. He knew His mother did not like eating Kappas. She would eat very little from every hunt. She got very very weak. So weak that she could not walk a hundred steps straight. They would walk a little, rest and walk again. Sitting in one place meant certain death. He would wait for his mother to sleep everyday and wander around to find a Lizard. After months, he was able to catch one. He killed the Lizard, cleaned it, made pieces like his mother told him to, ran back and sat besides his mother waiting for her to wake up. She woke up after a little while. He happily presented the food to her. She sat there and called his name.
Sai!
Yes Mother! I am here.
Why are you standing there? Give your mother a warm hug.
"She does not know about the lizard?" He wondered.
"What? Come Here!" She said. He gave her a hug and told her that he had hunt the Lizard.
What? What did you say? You alone hunted a lizard? How? Can you run that fast? Was it weak? You . . . You are not hurt. Are you? Come here! Let me see.
She checked my body for any wounds. It was hard to make her believe that i had hunted the lizard, all alone. After that she did not say anything. She just cried and ate. It was the only time when she finished the whole Lizard herself. "It must be very tasty" he thought to himself.
The third time she cried, she created many mysteries. She was the person who never said or did anything that she could not explain to Lee Sai, except for that one time. It was when he was about to turn eight. She had been coughing and sleeping for a few days. She could not eat properly. He remembered, She would even vomit. There was a land fart outside and they were in a small mouth cave. Unlike other times, Mother was lying on the ground with her head towards the mouth of the cave. She did not give him her warm hug. He was a little disappointed. Her head was resting in his lap and he was trying to close the mouth of cave with his back. It has been awhile, since mother had been sleeping after lots of coughing. She was not coughing anymore.
Lee Sai got tired sitting in one place, But he did not move, so she wouldn't wake up. He did not know what pain was. But he did not like his mother being in pain or crying for that matter. She woke up after a very long called him with very low and weak voice.
Sai!
Yes Mother! I am here.
I love you.
Hehehehehe.
My Genius son! I love you.
"Hehehehehehe." He laughed more. Her love always made him laugh.
He waited but She did not say anything. She fell asleep again.
She woke up with a long coughing session. He rubbed her chest for some comfort as she told him to. After a while, she stopped. She caught her breath and in the same low and weak voice as earlier she said:
I love you Sai!
and He laughed agian.
Sai! She called.
Yes mother?
Sai! My love!
"Yes Mother! I am here." He replied a bit loudly
My love! I love you the most! More than the Most! More than anyone can imagine.
Even i can't imagine? He asked innocently with understatement of "i am smart"
Yes! you can. You should. I love you more than you love eating Kappas.
You do? He asked happily.
Umhmmmm.
He smiled from the heart.
Okay Sai!
Yes Mother!
Sai! you know! I have taught you every thing to live in this place. Remember! You are ruler of this place and you can survive no matter what. Okay?
"Of course Mother! I can even kill the biggest of Kappas or catch fattest of Lizards. Don't worry! I will catch you a lots of them." To him surviving meant "Eating".
I believe you love. But actually i did not teach you three things. Should i teach you know?
"Yes! what is it?" He asked. He was confused and curious.
I will tell you but you will have to make three promises with me and you have to fulfill my three wishes.
"Okay!" He replied with confusion. She never talked like that before or so much, other than "I love you" for that matter.
First promises. You will not forget right? It's alright if you don't understand but never forget.
"Okay Mother." A response with determination
Good. Love! 1st promise is "LOVE". Do not hate. No matter what the circumstances, never hate anything, Never hate yourself, Never hate this land and the skies and what's between them and most importantly Never hate me. Love everything you see, Love everyone you meet. Don't forget "LOVE". Got it? She started Coughing.
He felt weird. He could not say anything. "Why are you not promising?" Her cough had ceased a little.
I promise mother.
Okay. Second promise: Forgive. Don't seek vengeance. Vengeance is when you want to bring pain to someone who gave you pain. Forgiveness is when you forget your pain and let go of painful people and memories. So forgive. Promise?
"Yes mother. Promise." He wanted to say "I did not get it". But he could not. He just needed to make a promise. There was no-one in this world who could bring him pain and vice versa.
Good. Third Promise: Protect. Son! Don't let anyone take from you what's yours. Be a little selfish. Protect what's yours. If you can't, die protecting.
"Promise Mother"This one he understood. "I am strong and smart and what's selfish." he thought to himself.
She paused a little. He wanted to hear the new things she wanted to tell him. He was getting a little impatient.
Okay Sai! Now the three lessons. First: Being a man.
Man? What's man?
You are going to become a man.
I am?
yes!
How? He was surprised at the revelation.
"By Kissing a woman." She coughed.
What? Heheheheheheh.
I told you you don't need to understand. Just remember.
That was it?
Yes.
"Ohhhhh". He was disappointed. How could he kiss a woman when he had never met one.
He later realized that his mother must be a woman. when he grew differently from her.
"Don't sigh Little man". Mother said. "Okay! Second Lesson: Live. Live! No matter what. If you live, the darkness will turn into light. If you live you will be able to see colors. No matter how lonely you are, if you live long enough, you will find company. Live! With life you can smile after crying. Live! With life you can be happy again. Live! with life this world is yours. Everything exists when you live. If you are not alive, nothing exists for you. So no matter what, do not stop living. Live! Keep on going with life. Understood?
Light? Colors? See? What is she saying? His confusion increased. His mother did not wait for his answer.
"Third Lesson: Death. Do you know what to do when someone dies?" She was out of breath for some reason.
No. He wanted to say "I do not even know what death is." but he kept quiet. He could ask later, he thought.
She did not wait for response. She continued "When someone, you love, dies. You take their cold body on some muddy ground. Dig a hole big enough to fit the person in it. Kiss that person goodbye and put that person in the ground and fill the hole with the mud back again." She sobbed.
"What?" He exclaimed. "What in the world is dying? It sounded horrible and why is mother crying." He could feel her tears flowing down his thigh.
Understood? She asked again.
"Okay". "for know" he thought.
'Now that i have taught you three important lessons. You fulfill my three wishes. If you fulfill my wishes, it will make me very very very happy but if you couldn't, i will not make me sad." She suddenly felt energetic.
If i do fulfill, will you laugh?
"What?" She was surprised.
Will you laugh? He insisted
You want me to laugh?
Yes! Like that one time when we accidentally slipped on a muddy slope and got way down in the place you called "Valley". You laughed back then. You never laughed again. I liked it when you laughed. It was the best sound you ever made. It was the best you ever felt. If i fulfill your all three wishes, will you laugh again?
"Okay! I will." She said amusingly.
"Okay! Tell me your wishes. I will make them come true, no matter and make you laugh." He was suddenly pumped up.
Okay my 1st wish: Never forget me. Keep me alive in you heart. Hate me, if you want, Love me, if you want. if you don't miss me, No problem. Just don't forget me. Keep me alive in your heart. Will you?
"I promise." He instantly replied."Easier than crying or running. I can never forget mother, even if i wanted to." He thought.
Good. My second wish is "Bring the sun to me".
What? What is sun?
She started coughing again. This time it was more severe than before. He rubbed her chest as fast as he could. But she kept coughing. It took longest time for the cough to cease. He waited for the answer. She was already asleep. He kept wondering what was sun and how he could bring it to mother. He thought may be it was in the Land of farts. That is the most dangerous place to him. He did not have any way to know other than wait for his mother to wake up.
The explosions had stopped and there were no gases in the air anymore. He thought, he will take mother out after she wakes up. He was wondering about this and that when his mother started coughing again. She coughed more than the last time. After she stopped coughing, she called for him. She was breathing heavily.
Yes Mother?
Where were we?
"Third wish Mother." He forgot about sun. She was in pain. He wanted to make her laugh as soon as he can.
My third wish is: Say "I love you" to me. You never said that. Did you?
His heart started pounding, Like it does when he chases after Lizards.
Sai? She inquired. She was still breathing heavily.
I... He paused. He hesitated.
Love you Mother!
'Not like that. Like I say it to you. You never kissed me either. Did you?"
He hesitated for a moment. Then he bent a little and kissed on his face. A small and quick peck. He guesses it was her nose.
Not like this. Kiss properly. You can't say I love you to your mother, PROPERLY? She sighed a little.
He bent down again and this time gave her a long kiss. This time on Lips. He thought she might push him away. She did not.
He broke the kiss.
"Again". She said.
She was crying. He could feel her tears and hear her sobs. He kissed again. He broke the kiss.
"Again". She said.
She kept crying and made him kiss her repeatedly. He may have kissed her 100 times or even more. Next time, she did not say again. She said "I love you", cupped his face in his hands and gave him along kiss on his lips. The first ever. She did it until she lost the energy to hold and fell asleep.
He waited for her to wake up again. He had so many questions about sun, love, hate, death. He wanted to fulfill her last remaining wish and make her laugh. He waited for a long time. Long enough that he got tired of waiting and fell asleep. He woke up again. He did not not know how long it has been. He peeked outside to know the location of Brightest star. It was rising from the other side. It had been almost a day since his mother fell asleep. She never slept that long. He got worried. He shook her to wake her up. To his surprise, his warm was was all cold. Very cold. He could not believe. He touched her again to verify. She really was cold.
"What happened?" He wondered.
He quickly started rubbing her chest to bring her warmth. He did everything to make her warm, to make her wake up that he could. He gave her a hug, Kissed on her face multiple times, called her-rather screamed her name repeatedly but no use. He would get tired of all these, rest a little, think again and start over again. This happened multiple times. The star set down again and rose up again.
He came out of shock. He was smart. He started seeing things he could not before. All the information was leading to one conclusion but he did not want to accept it. His mother had told him multiple times that she would die. He did not know what death was. But he was sure, it was a horrible thing. What could be more horrible than this-than his mother never waking up. He stared in the dark towards her mother hoping for some miracle. Hoping she might suddenly wake up with her cough, like she always did. She didn't move. He could not feel her any more. She felt like stone or rock. He touched her face near her nose. She was not breathing. Her chest was not moving up and down, like it always did.
"So! It is death." He though to himself.
He still remembered what Mother taught him about death. But how could he bury his mother. What if she was not dead but in the deep asleep. What if she is getting cured from the cough. What if she is hungry. All kinds of thoughts bombarded his mind. He could not bear it. He came out of the cave, closed it's mouth with a rock and started walking to one side.
"I should bring some food for her. She must be hungry."
It took him a whole day to return to the cave with a big lizard in his hand. He moved the rock and called her.
"Mother". no response. "Mother". Silence. "Mother! I love you." Nothing. He became sure that she was dead
Hunting made his mind stable and clearer. He remembered, once she told him. "My love! I will die if i won't say "I love you" to you even for one day." She hadn't said that for two whole days. She sure was dead. He stood outside for a while. Then he moved in one direction to fulfill his duties towards the dead, just like mother taught him. He found a big rock. Big enough for anyone in this place to move. He moved it to the cave his mother was in. It was very heavy, so it took some time. He reached the cave, entered in it, kissed her cold body on last time and closed the cave with the rock. He made her a grave in the cave. He could not bury his mother under land. This way it felt like she was asleep for long time i.e forever.
For the first time in his life, he had lied to his mother. This cave was not rocky. It was actually muddy. He had to protect his mother from gases so he brought her in here. It was nearest and was perfect size. If he knew, he would have brought her to a bigger, sturdier cave. Mother told him to pray for the dead but she did not tell him how to pray, what to pray and whom to pray. He sat there with gravestone as support. He sat there and remembered every moment spent with her while eating the Lizard, her least "not favorite".
Finishing the food, he stood up and moved in one direction. He was alive and he has to live on as he promised his mother. As he walked, he felt a lump stuck in his chest. "What is it?" He wondered.
"Mother! I have not find the sun to bring to you since then. please wait a little more." Sitting in the cave he thought to himself. Remembering all from that day made a lump in his heart. It always happens when he remembers that day. The gases had settled a little. He was ready to move again.
Two more years have passed. Lee Sai is twenty now. Nothing else has changed except the fact that Mother proved wrong about eating within seven days. Because he had not eaten in last thirty days and he was still alive-barely. He was lying on the ground. He had no power to move even a step. This past year there have been continuous explosions in the land of farts. The explosions this year alone might be more than the explosions he heard his entire life before.
Suddenly he heard a slap on the ground. It was a little far. he did not feel anyone there. This might be due to my weakness, He thought. He mustered all the power in his body and stood up. As he got closer, he could feel a lizard. A ray of hope surely made him stronger. He started running as silently as he could. The lizard noticed him as he reached near, and the quest for survival started. The Lizard sure was healthy. It ran with full power. Sai followed but the gap between them kept on increasing little by little. It is unacceptable, he murmured.
He put all his strength, desperation, hope and focus into catching the Lizard and ran like he had never before. He actually started inching close to the Lizard and at one time it was just at arm's length. He heart was about to give out. He felt that he will fall any moment. He dived with all his strength and suddenly something went into his eyes. He closed his eyes and stood up. The thing was still going in his body through his eyes. He was out of breath and in no condition to think straight. He put his hands on his eyes. It was a little better. But that thing was still going in.
"Whooooo aaaaaaaare yoooooooooooo?" He heard someone saying and collapsed. He had blacked out.
