How do I start this, well let me tell you my name is Elsa, actually I'm a Princess... Princess Elsa of Arendelle. Just hearing the title "Princess" you would think my life is wonderful and exiting, but it's not because 1 year ago I struck my little sister Anna with my powers...oh yes I have powers, ice powers. A year ago everything was perfect, we were a happy family and I will play with Anna all day long, I wouldn't be worried if my powers were dangerous, but since the incident I feel like I'm danger for everyone and father would always say to "conceal it, don't feel it", I trying my best so my Papa and Mama don't always feel worried for me; but how I'm I supposed to 'Conceal it, and don't feel it?', this powers are part of me and as hard as I try to make my parents happy I just can't...my life is just miserable for a 9 year old.
My parents won't let me come out of my room without permission, I can't play with Anna or talk to anyone, except for Kai and Gerda that had known me since the day I was born and they are aware of my powers, although talking to them isn't fun at all because they're grown ups and they have to work, or they talk to me just for my lessons since I'm the future Queen of Arendelle. I don't get how am I supposed to be the Queen if my parents don't want anybody to be knowledgeable of my powers, why can he just pick Anna as heir? Sometimes my Papa really confuses me.
3 years have passed now, and I'm still here locked up in my room, I understand that it's the best for everyone and I respect that but all I wish is a little more freedom. Being 14 years old makes me nervous because my body is changing, my mom says I'm becoming a woman, so my breasts will grow, and something call menstruation will happen to me and because of that thing woman are able to have children, but will I ever have children? Will I be allowed to have them? I don't know...only the idea of a baby with my powers makes me really nervous, I better stop thinking of that 'cause I'm only 12 years old for thinking of kids. So, this 'hormonal changes' (as Mama says to me) are affecting my powers, a have to put up a fight for concealing them and don't feeling because as the days pasts my powers are getting stronger, and I'm afraid of the touch of my parents, usually when they come visit me they will hug me and kiss my forehead, but I'm afraid now, I don't want them getting hurt as Anna, so I told them not to touch me anymore, and I have to admit I will miss their embrace but it's for the best...
Well here I am 16 year old Elsa, all grown up to a beautiful woman, as Mama and Papa say. Papa has been talking a lot to me and teaching all the things I need to know when I become Queen, and Mama has been teaching me how to be a good wife for my future husband. They say that when the time comes and I have better control of my powers they will search suitors for me. I don't want to, but I can't contradict them. In these last 8 years of my life, I've done a lot of reading, and I have read a lot of love stories where a princess always gets a Prince, but that's not what I want...let's say I have a bigger secret besides my powers...
I know is crazy thinking I might be into woman too 'cause I've never had the chance to talk to either men or women (besides my parents, Kai and Gerda), but when I think of kissing a man obviously I feel some strange feeling in my stomach, but one day I end up thinking of kissing a woman and let's say that the strange feeling in my stomach was more powerful. But it can't be, I can't be a ..le..lesbian or bisexual, my parents will never approve it and Arendelle won't look after a lesbian queen, so as much as it will hurt I will conceal this secret and eventually marry a man that I will learn to love in time, I can't afford just to think about me when I have a kingdom looking after me, my future kingdom.
Today is the day, my 18th birthday, my parents told me I could come out so I could have a special dinner with them, without Anna. I thought after all these years I will have the chance to see Anna or to talk to her, to tell her I love her and I care for her, all these years Anna knocking on my door was the worst feeling, my little sister trying to talk to me...just the thought of it makes want to cry, and I did cry in the past each time she would come to my door, but 2 years have passed and it haven't been any knock from my baby sister. She must have given up on me, and I don't blame her...she must hate me. Sometimes I will ask Papa and Mama about her, how she's been doing and all they say to me it's "fine".
I looked at the mirror and saw a girl, a girl with a long light blonde hair that I put it in its usual bun; she had large blue eyes that expressed sadness and insecurity. I went to the bathroom to change on the dress my Mama had made for my 18th birthday, even though only my parents and servants would see me, but my Mama had always said to me "a Princess should always look presentable and pretty". There was a knock on the door.
"Elsa, it's us" I heard my Papa say.
I went and open the door and smiled shyly at them. "Happy birthday sweetheart" my Mama and Papa said to me.
It was awkward since I told them years ago to don't touch me, so they were just there standing up wishing me happy birthday. "Thank you Mama and Papa" I replied.
"We got something for you, honey" my father said. He opened his hand and he hand me a small blue box with a platinum ribbon. I smiled and grabbed it. I stared at them as they watched enthusiastically. I open it up to see small pearl earrings. They were beautiful.
"Mama, Papa I love them, they're so beautiful" I said looking at them with my face lighten up.
"I knew you would like them" Mama said as she put a hand in my shoulder. I gasped and stepped back at the feeling of her touch. Her smiled faded.
"Please don't back away from me Elsa, it's your birthday and I just want to hug you darling, you were my first little baby, so please only for today...I know you miss my hugs, just for one time doesn't mean you're going to hurt me" she said as her eyes were tearing up. My father just watched with his face saddened. I took a step as my mother unfold her arms to embrace me, I hugged her so tight, like a child who just found her mother after years, I have missed my mother hugs so much, she is my mommy, my role model and not been able to hugged her was killing me. I felt tears sliding down my arm so I began to cry too. I open my eyes to see my father smiling at us and I grabbed his arm and pulled him into the hug. It was a moment I never thought I will be able to experience in my life again and it was wonderful.
"We love you so much Elsa" my father told me holding me and my mother tight. If only Anna could be here, I thought...
"I love you more" I replied
The day past as normal, I studied, read one of my new novels my parents bought me, I paint, sang, and danced. It was 4 p.m. when I was looking out my window watching some teenagers just having fun and felt some jealously. I walked away from the window when I saw something under my door; I reached for it and saw a big 'Happy birthday' card. I opened it and read
"Dear Elsa,
Happy birthday, I hope you have a great day, wish you the best.P.S I hope someday you will come out and talk to me, there's still a chance of us being how we were
Anna"
I felt pain in my heart as I read the last part of the card, I whispered "I hope so too Anna". I hopped... but It can't be, who knows, maybe I will never be able to control the powers. I started crying wondering what my life would have been without my powers, I would be able to talk to Anna and maybe even have friends of my age, but it's not possible.
I stopped thinking of that and focused on positive thoughts, it's my birthday after all, I don't want to spend it wondering 'how my life would've been without my ice powers'
It was dinner time and I heard my parents knock my door. I opened and stepped out for the first time in years. We walked down the hallways together my mother and I holding hands and the arm of my father around my shoulders, there was a big smiled on my face because I felt loved. We past Anna's door and thought 'wish she could join us'. As we enter the dining hall we sat and chat for about 15 minutes waiting for dinner. I wanted to ask them but the words wouldn't come out of my mouth. Finally it came out
"What's Anna doing right know?" I asked them. They looked at me startled, they looked at each other and my father cleared his throat
"Well, Anna had a horse riding class today" my father said.
"Oh, at dinner time?" I wondered
"Yes" that was all my father said as he change the subject.
Servants enter the room filled with plates. It smelled wonderful. I watched the plate in front of me as my mouth water. Mmmm... Grilled chicken and smashed potatoes, my favorite. We ate happily enjoying each other company. It was time for dessert, I was wondering if it would be chocolate cake (obviously my favorite), and I was right.
We finished and kept talking and laughing for 1 more hour when suddenly I heard the voice of Anna in the hallway. She entered the dining hall dancing gracefully with her eyes closed. I haven't seen her for almost ten years, now she was a grown up woman just like me, and her face was just the same. My father cleared his throat and Anna open her eyes in shock, and then her eyes rested on me and I smiled.
"Oh god! I'm so sorry I thought that by this time dinner would be over, I'm so sorry!" She said looking at my parents and then at me. And then she rushed out of the room before my parents could tell her anything. I was disappointed to see her go away so fast, I was about to say 'hi' when she rushed out of the room.
"So, we should better get going" my mother said standing up.
We walked in silence, when we reach my room the hugged and kissed me goodnight, and I thank them for everything they've done for my birthday. That night I end up sleeping just fine, without the nightmares I usually have.
