As I wrapped my arms around myself to ward off the perpetual pain that is, undoubtiably coming as soon as I enter my room for the night. I couldn't help but sigh. I had been spending a lot of time with Jacob Black lately, and he was my sun. I originally went to him out of selfishness. But some how he had managed to make my days a little shorter and my nights a little less of a nightmare. He was my best friend. We had been through a lot the past few months and yes my nights hadn't been as bad but there was no doubt that as soon as I fell asleep the night mares would come…..the same one over and over.
I changed into my sweats and tank top and hollered down to Charlie.
"Good night dad,"
"Night Bells,"
I had to smile as I curled into my customary sleeping position. Jacobs face was there shinning behind my lids with a genuine Jacob smile, ahhh maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad. After all, my sun was shinning.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed. I was running desperately through the meadow. Knowing my actions were about as useless as the pepperspray Charlie insisted I carried with me. As the giant russet wolf leaped into mid air, the fiery Vampire lunged at my best friend catching him mid jump. I had to run. I had to stay. I screamed as the massive wolf was flung more than 100 yards and crashed lifelessly into a large spruce, "JACOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!!!!"
I woke screaming, adrenaline coursing through me. This was a new dream? Oh god what would I do if I lost Jacob too?
Piece
"You ok Bells?"
Charlie popped his sleepy head in my door, interrupting my panicked thoughts.
"Yes dad it wasn't that bad….Trust me." But was it?
I had been torturing my father for months with my screams at night. Lately he hadn't been checking, this must have been a bad one.
"Ok get some sleep Bells,"
"Sorry dad." gapped
My door shut and I felt guilt all around. For my father, and of course Jacob and the pack I was constantly a bad omen on every one I was close too.
In making Jake my best friend the pack had to suffer the raging mood swings in his mind about 'us'. These people were my life now and I was driving everyone insane.
Between my constant time in La Push and in Emily's kitchen things had grown unintentionally between me and Jacob.
Lately I had been thinking a lot about the 'us' Jacob wants. I just wasn't sure I could do it. Then there was the if. The what if to be exact. Maybe….. I would be able to let go and let Jacob in? God knows I love him. But can I love him in the way he loves me, the way I loved….Edward. This thought violently ripped through my body, opening the already gaping hole in my chest wide open.
Wrapping my arms around myself, not only to keep the sobs at bay, but in fear I might actually split down the middle, I heard a tap on the window. My heart stopped. I tentatively threw the covers aside. My head was screaming "What if it's Victoria!? No she wouldn't knock, what if Omg what if it's him? Can you handle this? Breathe Bella Breathe"
As I approached the window I was crushed and more than a little disturbed to see Embry hanging from the tree outside.
What the hell was Embry doing here at 5 in the morning?
I opened the window as panic started in the middle of my chest. What if some thing had happened to Jacob?!?
They had been patrolling my house nightly for months waiting and watching for any sign of Victoria.
I almost screamed at him. "Embry OMG what's going on? Why are you here? Did something happen? Is every one ok?"
"Whoa whoa Bella slow down, every things fine I just need to talk to you about something?"
The fact it was placed as a question made me a little uncomfortable, but I let him in and plopped down on the edge of my bed to listen.
"Ok Embry what's up?"
He paced my bedroom for a few moments looking like he was trying to put himself together. All the while the adrenaline had left my body and at this point and the anxiety was quickly setting in.
"Embry?" I was getting nervous now.
"Sorry Bella." He said through his hands.
He was rubbing his face? Why is he nervous?
"OK so here goes, Bella I am here because I am going little nuts...and well so is the rest of the pack."
"Ok?" I breathed.
Great this was what I had been dreading I knew Jake was trying hard to be discreet about his feelings for me and failing miserably. But THIS is going to be embarrassing.
"Well it's just Jake…ummm I'm not sure how to say this but his thoughts are a little extreme lately and well I am….we all are having some trouble with it….I ah…. just came to tell you…he..Ahh" Embry cleared his throat.
This weekend plans to be at La Push were the highlight of my year so far. Now I was dreading it. Embry gaaahhhh this is awkward!
"Ahem…ok well Jake is really torn up right now …ok? He is going to take you to the beach tomorrow…."
Great here it comes
"He talked to Charlie and well he wants you and I mean like….ahhh sorry Bella he is going to kiss you….?"
"WHAT? CHARLIE? I….I…..I?"
"Ya well Charlie gave Jake his blessing. I know u might not be ready Bella But he isn't waiting for you to give him the green light any more. This has been growing for months and…well I know you like him a lot I have seen that way you well look at him n' stuff"
As he said the last part I thought my face was going to burn off! Why do they have to share minds again? Stupid wolves.
"Well thanks Embry…..I think? But I think I might just stay home tomorrow now I should get back to sleep,"
"And well you should be going before Charlie barges in here with a gun" I added darkly.
" Ok right well I'm sorry again Bella I,….I just needed to tell you so you know you weren't caught off guard or any thing ya know? Any ways good night"
After Embry left I considered going back to sleep, decided against it and went to the kitchen to make Charlie some breakfast.
. "PPPPFFFFTTTTTT"
I couldn't help but throwing the dish towel across the room as I thought of what Embry had just confessed.
"Mornin Bells"
I jumped so high I almost dropped the container of eggs I was about to put into the refrigerator.
"You ok Bells? You're jumpier than usual?"
"Yeah dad I'm fine I was just thinking about something Embry said to me last night"
Charlie just raised an eyebrow at me and unfolded the paper.
CRAP!
"I am making French toast? 3 pieces or 4??" I said. More out of trying obscure what had previously came out of my mouth than to state the obvious.
"Hmm four, Bella, why are you making French Toast at 6 am in fact why aren't you in bed….you know u have that thing at La Push today….."
UGGGGH!
"You know dad" I stated while desperately trying not to roll my eyes at him
"I don't know if I am going today. I was thinking about heading out to Port Angeles for some shopping today, maybe Angela or Jessica will go with me." I stated as nonchalantly as I could manage.
I put Charlie's plate in front of him hopping he would opt to stuff his face rather than argue.
"That's a nice idea Bells, but didn't you already tell Jake you'd go??"
Sheesh it's every one against Bella, time to try another angle.
"Dad you know you're always bugging me to go out with my other friends, so I am taking your advice" I tried to be stealth, using his words against him. Looking up from my fork with what I thought was an innocent look
"What's going on Bells? A week ago you were begging me to let you spend more time in La Push for this weekend thing and now you're backing out?" he smirked. Again, he raised an eyebrow at me inquisitively.
CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!
Charlie was so more into this than I liked. I let out a long sigh staring at my father with agitation all over my face.
"FIIINE never mind! I guess I'll see you tonight?"
A wide tell all smile plastered itself on Charlie's face.
"Guess so" he said, before clearing the table, grabbing his sheriff's jacket and heading out the door for the day.
