Rating: PG-13 (will change to M eventually)
Spoilers: all seasons. AU where Kemal Pamuk did not enter the picture. Set during Season One, before the war. In this story Matthew proposed much earlier and Richard Carlisle entered the picture earlier too.
Summary: In rebellion against her family, Lady Mary Crawley is determined to find love outside of the English aristocracy after her disastrous break with Matthew. When a certain Richard Carlisle crosses her path, she is intrigued. He is a handsome man, older than her, dangerous and he offers a life of power and endless wonder. But is this enough? Will she be able to forget Matthew and learn to love Richard? When she finally finds the answers to her questions, Carlisle is hit by the most detrimental blow to his entire career and the dominos start to fall and Mary finds herself right in the middle. Alone.
Special thank you to the lovely Tambear for catching missing commas, odd grammar and offering excellent suggestions & advice!
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Thank you for reviews and comments. The posting/revising happens faster with feedback (it's a fact!). Love it, love it! Please feel free to drop me a line.
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Mend Her Shattered Heart
Chapter 1
Mary stared up at the canopy above her. The duvet covering her was thick and warm, yet she felt frozen to the bones and she started to shiver. Mary felt icy cold fingers slowly closing around her heart, squeezing until she feared that it would shatter into a million pieces. She swallowed and fought the tears again. She was a lady, the daughter of an earl; she would not be caught crying like a sniffling child. Rationalizing to herself that she had made peace with her fate a long time ago, Lady Mary mustered up all the courage she had left as the door to the bedroom slowly opened.
.
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Six months prior, Lady Mary had been engaged to Sir Richard Carlisle, newspaper mogul and one of the most powerful men in England. Lord Grantham had been furious when she had informed him that Sir Richard had proposed and that she was going to accept. Perhaps it was due to the fact that Robert had never actually believed Mary when she had voiced her rebellious thoughts to marry outside the pool once her cousin, Matthew Crawley had withdrawn his offer of marriage to her. Lord Grantham had been stunned and deeply hurt when his eldest daughter's engagement to Richard Carlisle was announced.
As it happened, Lady Mary had accepted Richard Carlisle and embarked on a string of fashionable events in London which brought her to the top of the list of influential young women to know in Edwardian London. Mary had loved every moment of the attention; it was only when she was alone with Sir Richard that she worried about her future as Mrs. Richard Carlisle. As time passed, he pressured her more and more to set a date, becoming increasingly more aggressive about it, and Mary started to question her decision, but not enough to do something about it.
Through the oftentimes tumultuous courtship, the two had eventually reached some form of amicable agreement. Mary did not trust Richard, but she felt that she could be satisfied with the life he offered. Only days after making this realization, her fiancé, Richard Carlisle, was in jail for blackmail and slander. He argued that he had been framed by his competitors, and had been fed faulty information. The result was still the same, Sir Richard was behind bars. It had not helped his case any further that the focal person of the scandalous story, a fairly close relation to the royal family, had hung himself in his bedroom, mere days later.
The door had barely closed and the key turned in the lock on Sir Richard Carlisle, before Lord Grantham announced that the engagement between his eldest daughter and Sir Richard had been broken. Carlisle, knowing full well what the loss of Lord Grantham's support would do to his character, screamed bloody murder from his cell, promising revenge on the Crawleys. Mary's face and name soon flashed on the cover of every competitor's paper, questioning her involvement in the scandal, and faster than the papers could print updates, the doors were slammed in her face. Lady Mary was now an outcast from the English aristocracy that had so recently been worshipping the ground she walked on.
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Mary strolled through the grounds of Downton Abbey like a ghost. She only picked at her food and seemed to be withering away. Her family whispered behind her back, worrying, unsure what to do. After a few weeks of this, Lady Mary fainted in the library one afternoon. Her cousin, Matthew Crawley, ran to her side and managed to catch her as she sank to the floor.
Matthew had swept her up in his arms and gently put her down on one of the sofas. She weighed almost nothing and he could feel her ribs through her dress and chemise. He looked down at her pale face and for the first time noticed the dark circles under her eyes. It hurt him to see her like this.
Somehow knowing with certainty that Mary would be uncomfortable having him see her in this manner, he left her in Anna's and Lady Grantham's care while he went in search for Lord Grantham.
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"Cousin Robert," Matthew said loudly to alert the man that he was coming.
Robert turned around and smiled at him, shading his eyes from the sun as he watched Matthew approach him across the lawn. Isis wagged her tail happily by his feet.
"Matthew! What brings you up here today?" he said cheerfully as he continued his walk, now with Matthew by his side.
"No reason really. I just felt a need to be surrounded by the lovely Crawley ladies."
Robert laughed and shook his head. "I am sure that they were more than challenging."
"Truthfully Robert, no," Matthew said softly. He met Roberts gaze. "I am worried about Mary."
"Ah," Robert said with a deep sigh. "Give it some time. She will get over it."
"Perhaps, but she's hurting so much. She fainted in the library just this afternoon."
"What?" Robert came to an instant stop. "Did Cora call for the doctor?"
Matthew nodded in confirmation. "I have a proposition."
"Go on," Robert said and eyed Matthew warily.
"Mary and I were once on good terms. We were almost engaged. I still believe that without others interference, we would be married by now."
"I agree, but Matthew that is long in the past. It will do no one any good to dwell on what might've been."
"Perhaps it is not too late?" Matthew said slowly.
"What are you saying?"
"Do I have your permission to marry your daughter Mary?"
"Matthew," Robert gasped. "Do you really mean that?"
"Of course I do!" Matthew snapped. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so harsh."
"Don't worry my boy."
"I care deeply for Mary," Matthew said seriously. "I think I can make her happy, if she would allow me to."
"What about her feelings for you?"
"I wish I could say that I knew she still loves me, but I cannot. These days she is so distant. Still, I think we can make it work. Being close to her is all that matters to me. If the love happens later, it will only be so much sweeter."
Robert nodded, for a second having a flashback to his own marriage to Cora. Love had indeed not happened at first, not until after almost a year. Yet these days she was his rock, and he could not fathom being without her, or not sleeping next to her every night.
"Very well Matthew, you have my permission."
"Thank you."
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"Are you serious?" Mary exclaimed and stared at him.
"Quite," Matthew said curtly.
"Marry you?"
"Yes. We almost did once, Mary. No one could be a better mistress of Downton than you."
"I see," she said and looked down at her clasped hands. "So what you really want is a housekeeper."
"Mary! You know that's not what I was saying. I want to make you my wife. I will be a good husband to you and someday, hopefully years from now, we will run Downton together. We came very close to embarking on this a few years ago. Surely you're not so affronted by marrying me that you would not even consider it?"
"You have not even asked if I love you," she said and sighed.
"Even if you don't, I will honor and respect you and love you as my wife. Perhaps one day you will return my affection."
His affection, she thought. So he did not actually love her, but he did need her. She sighed. "Very well, it is the most reasonable thing to do. I would hardly get a better offer and at least I know that you will not be a beastly husband."
Matthew gritted his teeth at the hollowness to her voice, and the absence of any emotion. "So you accept?"
"I do. I will marry you, Matthew."
He sat down next to her and took her hands. She flinched at the touch and his brows furrowed. "I am so pleased, darling." She looked up at him and he leaned forward to kiss her. At the very last moment she turned her head and his lips missed hers and instead brushed against her soft cheek.
.
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They had made the announcement at dinner that evening. Everyone was thrilled and the conversation flowed like never before around the table. Matthew kept an eye on Mary, noting the polite smile, and the vacant look in her eyes. It made him feel like he actually was the sea monster she had once jokingly accused him of being.
The next morning it was in the papers and everything fell into place after that. Mary participated in the preparations for the wedding, nodding her consent to every suggestion, not once objecting or offering her own thoughts. Her lack of enthusiasm was not lost on the people closest to her, but since no one could come up with a better solution or even a reason why she should not marry Matthew, they all kept quiet.
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Mary stared up at the canopy above her. The duvet covering her was thick and warm, still she felt frozen to the bones and she started to shiver. It was her wedding night and she should be filled with joy and giddy anticipation, but instead Mary felt icy cold fingers slowly closing around her heart, squeezing until she feared that it would shatter into a million pieces. She swallowed and fought the tears again. She was a lady, the daughter of an earl; she would not be caught crying like a sniffling child. Rationalizing to herself that she had made peace with her fate a long time ago, Lady Mary mustered up all the courage she had left as the door to the bedroom slowly opened.
Matthew closed the door behind him and smiled as he faced the bed. "Hello, darling."
"Matthew," she said stiffly.
He took off his dressing gown and slippers, arranging them on the hanger placed by the window. He slipped into bed next to her, facing her. Mary was on her back, hands on her stomach, looking up at the canopy.
"Do you want me like this?" she asked. "Or would you prefer that I take off my nightgown?"
Matthew just stared at her. He slowly reached out and placed his hand over hers. She flinched at the touch.
"Mary…" he said softly.
"If you think that I will do some unmentionable things to you for your pleasure, I will tell you right now that I will not. I am your wife and I will yield to your desire. I will give you an heir, but after that you are not to set foot in my room or share my bed again."
He was taken aback by her sudden coldness and hostility. "I understand."
She turned her head and looked at him. "So…"
His hand was still on hers and he could feel her trembling. With alarm he realized that she was actually shaking. He sighed and moved his hand to her cheek.
"Mary, I can tell how much this frightens you."
"Of course it doesn't," she snapped.
"You are shaking, my darling," he said very softly. "I will never force intimacy on you, not even tonight, especially not tonight. It hurts me that you can even think that of me. I will not touch you until you are ready. If we never have an heir, so be it."
Mary just stared coldly at him. "A man has needs. Do you plan on taking a mistress?" she said icily.
"Of course not!" He felt the anger bubble up inside him at the thought of it.
"Good, because I will not stand for the gossip."
"I will share your bed," he said softly, keeping his temper at bay. "And I wish for you to let me hold you."
She frowned and he could tell that the request had confused her.
"Why?"
"Because you are my wife, and I am very fond of you. Perhaps by showing my affection, you will warm up to the idea of me."
"Perhaps. I will make no promises."
He chuckled and nodded. "I know." He caressed her cheek for a moment. "Now, please turn over on your side so we can get some sleep."
She did and he spooned up behind her. He sighed when she froze as he pulled her against him. She was stiff as a board in his arms for a moment before she relaxed. He moved his hand over her stomach, stroking calming circles.
"What about the maid?" she said suddenly. "She will know that we…"
Matthew frowned. He had almost been asleep. What on earth was Mary talking about?
"What?" he croaked out.
"The sheets," she said stiffly.
Matthew felt his face get warm. The unmistakable proof that the bride had been pure and virtuous – the stained sheets.
"We will figure something out tomorrow. Don't worry. I will take care of it."
"Thank you," she said softly.
To be continued…
