Chapter 2: Mail Already Da-ze?

Yong Soo happily tapped the keys of his keyboard, eyes glued to the screen and brows furrowed in concentration over the intense match in front of him. It had been only a few hours since the birth of his advice column, and in an effort to kill time while waiting for the letters to flood in he decided to immerse himself in the world of online gaming.

He didn't even raise his eyes or acknowledge the knock at the door, knowing that if it was his secretary with letters she would simply enter. He cursed lightly at the happenings on his screen, nearly jumping out of his seat when two letters were tossed onto the keys. He finally tore his gaze away from the screen, blinking a few times in surprise at the envelopes perched atop his master controls…aka, his keyboard. After a moment of processing, he stood up so fast his chair tumbled backwards, snatching up the letters and rushing out the door.

Meanwhile, the secretary at the desk nonchalantly sipped a cup of ginseng tea, counting silently backwards in her head. 'Three…two…one…aaand…'

BANG!

"I'VE GOT MAIL DA-ZE!" Yong Soo's excited shout would have made her lose it if she hadn't been expecting it. However, she did almost lose it—though she should have been expecting it as much as she had expected the lack of Yong Soo's indoor voice—when the Korean wrapped her in a too-tight (and highly inappropriate) embrace.

"Ack, get off me and go answer your damn mail!" She huffed, though Yong Soo caught a glimpse of an amused smile dancing across her lips. Without wasting another moment (he didn't want to disappoint his fans) he raced back into his office, the glass in the window rattling as the wood slammed shut.

x~*~x

Yong Soo eagerly ripped open the first letter, recognizing the tidy scrawl as Bejing's. He unfolded the paper and quickly scanned it, eyes widening as he read in silence punctuated only by a few "Hmm"s and a loud "Oh!" in the middle. He set the paper down, reaching up to rub his head in thought (careful to avoid his spirit curl). Bejing's problem sounded tough, but giving good advice originated in Korea and so he knew he could think of something perfect. Popping open a new document on his computer, he began to type.

Hello Beijing…or ni hao!

I was going to write this in Korean because advice given in Korean is the best advice ever da-ze! But then I remembered that you might not be able to read it, or worse China might be able to read it and then he'd probably try to shut down my advice column (because he doesn't think I give good advice).

Anyway, it's really good to hear from you. I know the advice column was genius right? Genius was definitely a Korean invention da-ze! And I only come over so often because family is very important you know, and I wouldn't want to be responsible for my family missing me!

I'm really sorry to hear about your hair. I can't believe they dyed it pink and neon green-blue would have been so much cooler and would have really complemented your eyes da-ze! But still, that really wasn't very nice of them, even for a practical joke.

Hmm, well as for what you should do about the dye, well, if you've been washing your hair it should come out. I doubt they would use something permanent. But if that doesn't work, the internet says laundry detergent works well too! It removes stains on clothes, so removing the pink and green from your hair seems doable too. If that doesn't work you could try dish soap or hot oil…though I don't know if I'd want to put hot oil in my hair!

If not, I bet I could get you a really nice wig until your hair grows back. We could even find you one in blue da-ze!

(Or we could just borrow one from Japan…but a lot of his are pink or something.)

Now for the prank. You know I invented pranks, so I'm the 'King of Pranks in The World'. No wait, I'm the 'Most Awesome (more than Prussia) King of Pranks in the entire Universe' (no I did not just make that up da-ze!). Now, with that being established I can definitely help you with a prank that China won't suspect either of us.

(No, I don't mean like that time America and I took China into the ladies underwear section of a store after promising to show him cute things. He would definitely suspect me if we did that again. Especially if the saleslady realizes we're repeat customers and offers to fit him again. America wouldn't stop laughing…then I had to drag him out of the store because China knocked him out and that wasn't so funny anymore.)

Well, here are a few classics anyway. You could always replace the sugar with the salt…or the tea leaves with really bitter ones. Or better yet post a sign outside of their houses reading "Free cake" with one of those awesome arrows pointing left, then after a long while put another arrow that reads "Free cake" but points the other way. If they don't happen to run into each other they'll spend the entire day looking for free cake! Trust me, it's a fool-proof plan da-ze!

If those aren't good enough for you, write back and I'll keep trying!

LOTS OF LUCK AND LOVE AND KOREAN AWESOME,

Yong Soo

P.S. I only signed this because it's a letter. But I am hand-delivering it to you because I don't want you to miss me too much, so I'm sure you know it's from me.

x~*~x

A/N: Special thanks to the lovely MeiMeiaru8 for the very first review on this story! I (South K's personal secretary/slave to fashion/tea/probably so much more) would like to thank you for reviewing mere HOURS after the story was published, and I hope that you find his answer amusing and perhaps not nearly as face-palming as I did.

Next chapter will contain the very SECOND review (received on the same day not much later) and will hopefully contain something amusing!

For anyone that would like to receive some epic Korean advice (laced with too much caffeine, methinks) follow the instructions in the first chapter or PM me for more details!

Cordially,

The Bemused Secretary (aka RQ)