Disclaimer: I don't own any of these Banjo Tooie/Kazooie characters. And you should probably be glad I don't. OH! But I do own one of the contestants! She's the jinjo. But that's the only one I own! Dang, I wish I owned Mr. Pants! Think of all the marketing schemes I could formulate!
A man entered the room. He appeared plain and simple to the general eye: a navy business suit, red and black striped tie, polished shoes, neatly kept brown hair, and a sneaky smile plastered to his face. Once he remained still with his microphone close to his lips, his bulging eyes rolled around the room at his vastly differentiating contestants. This was going to be loads of fun; he could tell.
"Okay! All you 22 contestants! What you are competing for is a prize of 1,000,000 dollars. Here, you have to live together in a room that's not so big, just the size of a large living room! You're lucky we didn't make it the size of a bathroom. Anyway, there will be some challenges, vote- offs, and other stuff like that along the way. If you can't take it anymore, you have the choice to quit, but then you wouldn't make all this money now, would you? So basically, you have to survive with the stupidity of all the rest of your roommates, with only 3 beds and only oatmeal-grade portions for breakfast!
"But I like oatmeal!" Kazooie piped up. "What kind of torture is that!?"
"Well then, you get gruel! So, I shall lead all you contestants to your room. First of all, HERE are the contestants! Well, we know Kazooie is here..."
"Don't rub it in... please…"
"And that must mean you're here, Banjo."
"Unfortunately, yes," he grumbled.
"Now where's Mumbo?"
"Here, big-mouth man," he said. "Me want big money."
"Uh-huh. Is Wumba here?"
"Yes." All of a sudden, Mumbo's face dropped from a cheerful expression to a really pissed off one.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed, completely drama-induced. "I HAVE TO LIVE WITH UGLY WOMAN!?"
"Mwahahahahahaha... I did that on purpose, just to torture you. Now to torture everyone, come up, Gruntilda!"
Everyone in the room screamed. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HOW COULD YOU!?"
"Hey, who wouldn't pass a chance to become a millionaire?" Gruntilda cackled, flicking Banjo's nose evilly. Banjo quivered uneasily.
"Back to the point. Come in here, Jamjars!"
Jamjars walked in. "Yes, sir!"
"Oh... kay. And Bottles!"
"Erm... Oooh?"
"Stop that retarded noise you make! Now I'm getting the peculiar feeling you'll annoy everyone with it and make everyone quit on the first day! Anyway, let's cut to the chase. Klungo?"
"Yessssssss, Klungo here," he said, but suddenly stopped when he saw Gruntilda standing in the room. "Can Klungo not compete now?"
"Too bad, so sad. Get in there. Now, Honey B. I can see that you're a contestant, too."
"Yeah."
"OK, not a bee of many words, are you? Well, anyway, King Jingaling?"
"Yeah, me too."
"Good. This is going by a little faster now. Canary Mary?"
"SQUAWK!"
"Ugh... I guess you ARE here. Jolly Roger?"
Jolly comes staggering by. He is obviously drunk.
"Um... Eyah. Is Boggy here?"
"WAHAY!!!!!!"
"I can... tell. What about Mr. Fit, the random character?"
"Here!"
"I wonder why they call you Mr. "Fit" when you look more like a Mr. "Fat?" Anyway, Bill? Bullion Bill?"
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAW! You betcha"
"I feel like nobody's gonna last with you around. Perfect. What about Chief Bloatazin?"
A huge blob of fat that doesn't look like his self-proclaimed species, a leopard, jiggles into the room.
"Uh... huh. And the sad thing is, he's almost naked, too. That will scare everyone away. Next, is the caveman, Unga Bunga!"
"Me Unga bunga! Me pound all your heads in pulp so me can win!" Everyone began to sweat nervously.
"And he goes with force, doesn't he? Next, a little stray Jinjo we found. Uh... what's your name again?"
"Molly."
"Eyah, amazing. Go on in."
"Wait a second."
He sighed impatiently. "What?"
"What's YOUR name, Mr.?"
"Uh, that's not important now! Just... go in! OK, and next is Old King Coal!"
"RAR!"
"Oh... kay." He shuddered ever so slightly.
"Only kidding, I'm actually really sensitive on the inside." He snuggles the host.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! NOW I'M ALL DIRTY! AND I'VE BEEN HUGGED BY A PIECE OF BURNT ROCK! Scarred… for… life… okay, I'll try to get over that." He regained composure. "Next is the nearsighted welding torch, Weldar!"
"You realize I don't weld metal together?"
"Oh, then what do you weld?"
"HUMANS!"
"Okay, cool, pretty cool… go on ahead. And please hurry up."
A horrible screech goes by as he enters the room. "Doh! I forgot my glasses again!"
"Oh...kay. Mingy Jongo. You're up."
"Mwahahahahahahahahahaha..."
"Not gonna say anything else? Go right in."
ZAP
"Ugh..." He appeared more crunchy and black than when he had been hugged by a giant rock composed of filth. "Okay, that was mean… now, how about our last contestant… the most feared… The most daring… The most sexiest out of all of you... MR. PANTS!!!!!"
Everyone twitched their eyes (except for Boggy). "Mr. Pants?"
"Yes. Who else could I mean by 'daring' and 'sexy'?"
A walking stick figure wearing scarcely anything but a thong comes in.
"Wh- why is a man wearing girl's underwear?" Banjo said nervously.
'Because he is DEAD SEXY!"
Everyone collapses in a seemingly anime-style. (Except for Boggy, who is drooling)
"So... I guess We have all the contestants, right? Oh-kaaayyyyyy! I'll be waiting, my precious dearies!" With a quick maneuver he shut the door and locked it with haste, rubbing his hands together and raising his eyebrows evilly.
