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James POV
I could hear Lily's soft, melodic breathing over the low crackling of the fire from where I sat behind the couch she was occupying in the empty Gryffindor common room.
It has become apparent to me over the years that this is the only way I can see Lily properly. If she were aware that I was here now, there is no doubt in my mind that we would be bickering. Most likely about something stupid, like how loudly I was breathing or something. And as beautiful as she looked when she was angry with her emerald eyes sparking dangerously, and her red hair billowing out behind her like fire, it was nothing compared to how wonderful she looked when she was sitting. Just sitting and thinking about everything and nothing. So I kept myself hidden, telling myself that one day, it wouldn't be necessary.
Every now and then she would sigh almost inaudibly, and sometimes her eyes would flutter shut. Or she would sit staring into the fire as the flickering flames slowly dimmed, watching the dying embers, idly twirling a strand of her fiery red hair in her fingers.
Merlin, how I wish I could just sit there and play with her hair. Without her swatting my hand away and then stalking off in a huff, murmuring something about 'personal space'.
The nights when she falls asleep there in front of the fire are my favourites. I can take off the cloak, or crawl out from behind then sofa and just sit and watch her. The way the flames reflect of her silky hair, making it shimmer like it really is alight.
When we're sitting like that, in full view of each other, when I'm not hiding like a coward, I can almost pretend that she likes me. That she is talking to me, and smiling at me, laughing with me, like she has grown to doing with all the other marauders. But never with me.
There was a soft thud from the other side of the sofa, and knowing that Lily was asleep from her rhythmic breathing, I peered over the top of the sofa. There was a small notebook lying on the floor that must have fallen from Lily's drooping hand.
Making sure that Lily was not going to wake up any time soon, (I blew in her face to see if she would stir) I rolled myself out from where I had wedged myself in behind the sofa. Shaking out my dead limbs I stretched over and picked up the book, thinking it was probably one of Lily's text books- charms was her favourite late night reading companion.
I was surprised, however, to see that it wasn't a reading book, but some kind of journal. Weird. I didn't know Lily kept a diary.
There was quill placed in the middle, obviously marking the spot Lily had been writing in before she fell asleep. I wanted to place it back down, to allow Lily her privacy, but curiosity burned at me, and I flipped it open. The first line showed today's date and 'Dear Diary' written in her perfect calligraphy.
I looked over at her sleeping form. With the fire slowly dying, she looked cold. Summoning a thick blanket, I draped it over her huddled form, and softly brushed back the loose hair that was draping across her face, obscuring my view of her.
I perched myself on the arm of the sofa and against me better judgement began to read.
Dear Diary,
It's been a hectic week. I'm so glad its Friday! I need the weekend to catch up on the ridiculous amount of homework we've been set. Seriously, how do the professors expect us to do it all?
I haven't been sleeping very well lately, and I nearly fell asleep in Transfiguration yesterday! I was so disappointed in myself. That is my worst subject, and I need it to become and auror! Anymore lapses like that and I may have to consider taking a sleeping potion to make sure I got my eight hours, or asking someone for help. It will be a first for me, and I would ask Remus, but he is so busy himself. My only other option is Potter, and as much as I despise the thought, I know I will have to at some point, so I may as well do so before I am ridiculously far behind.
There is just something about that boy. Maybe it's the way he carries that snitch around with him everywhere he goes, letting it fly a few feet in front of him, before catching it in the tips of his fingers. Maybe it's how he smiles and expects everyone to fall at his feet. Or how his hand is constantly fondling his stupidly long hair? Seriously, has he never heard of a pair of scissors?
Merlin, I hate-
The page ended there and snapped the book shut, not wanting to read Lily's thoughts on me. It was hard enough to listen to them being shouted at me every day, let alone to read them by choice.
Yes, sometimes I can almost pretend that she likes me. But then I snap back to reality, and I have to accept that she will never like me, let alone love me, the way I do her.
I dropped the book onto the floor, and fled the common room, out into the corridor. I could let the tears flow here, the tears that I so often shed for Lily, without worrying about being caught.
Lily POV
I woke with a start, at first confused as to where I was. I soon recognised the familiar scent of the dying fire, and the stale smell of the Gryffindor common rooms furniture. Someone had placed a thick blanket over me, like most nights I fall asleep down here.
My diary was lying on top of me, open to where I had finished writing last night. I reread the last page with a heavy heart.
-that boy!
I hate the way I find my eyes following his hand as he snags the snitch from the air every time he lets it fly. I hate the way my knees go weak when he smiles that special at me, the one he reserves for me alone. I hate the way I always picture that it's my hand running through those unruly locks, trying to imagine the soft feel of it beneath my fingers.
I hate the way I love him so hopelessly.
But what I hate the most isn't him. It's me. Me and my stupid fear of trusting someone again. Not after last time. But I love him. I love him. Merlin, I love James Potter.
A/N: My first attempt at a one-shot. Did you love it? Hate it? Please, I want to know!
Love, Anna xx
