A/N: Hey guys. It's been a while since I'm working on something else that's going to be reeeeallly long, but then I got this idea and had to write it down. Yes, it is another list. You may groan and exit this page if you so wish. Anyways, this is for all those of you aspiring to be a villain of some type (like me).
-there may be more of these depending on the reception.-
How To Make It As A Villain In Camelot
(HTMIASAVIC)
1: Wear Black & Look For Other's Wearing Black
Find your people and band together to plot. About something. That will be decided at a later point of time.
2: Kill Guards
You're not a true villain until you kill a few guards. Or threaten someone. Or both.
3:Smirk
Make sure to practice in front of a mirror. You're aiming for not quite a grimace and not quite a smile.
4:Don't Laugh
Cackles are acceptable, but villains are not known for their pleasant sense of humor. Leave the knock knock jokes at home.
5:Harass The Prince's Manservant
Make sure to find him and get on his nerves. Otherwise your downfall will never come to pass, and who wants that?
6:Back Stab
You are a failure at villainous life until you find someone to double cross. This could be another villain too (if you're just that stupid).
7:Get A Cape
Strut sexily so it flows out behind you. You can even add sound effects ("fwoooosh!")
8:If Male Do Not Be Attractive
Arthur does not need another distraction.
9:If Female Be Attractive
But make sure your hair or your makeup is off so people that don't like you can point it out ("did you see her cuticles?!").
10:Never Be Sincere
If you're nice, you're really going to kill someone. If you're plotting to kill someone, you're really going to kill someone else.
11: Carry Your License
When checking into Hotel Camelot you must present license to kill. If you don't have it, or have no intention to kill anyone during your stay, you are a failure. Go contemplate the purpose of your life.
12:You're A Villain For A Reason
If someone annoys you, just kill 'em. I mean, the fact that you wear black and mutter angrily under your breath should be fair warning enough not to get on your nerves.
13:Hash Together Some Motive
"I'm just really pissed today" isn't good enough, even if it's completely true. Although the people are going to hate you anyways, give yourself some reason to torch Camelot, even if you just made it up as you went along.
14: Moustaches are preferable but not required.
While smirking, you can also twirl your facial hair. Even women can rock one.
15: Throw someone against a wall.
Sucker punches just don't cut it. The protagonist has to get good and familiar with that wall while you're here.
16:Knock the Prince out.
Whether it be by pitcher, stone, ferret, brick, frying pan, chair, table, stool, person, or your awesomeness, the prince has to go down at some point during your stay.
17: Die, but die dramatically.
See "I'm melting! I'm melting!" or "I vill be bak." Or even "Blast those meddling kids!"
18:Make sure to show cleavage.
The show needs to keep male viewers.
19:Take your "Dramatic Music Tapes" with you.
We suggest "Duh, duh, duhhhhh!" and "Violent Bass Drum" as ideal songs.
20: Your magic must be obvious.
That way the King won't notice.
