Disclaimer: Here there be CLAMP characters, fiction, and some particularly fabulous lyrics by the Stars.

A/N: This will probably make more sense if you have heard the song "Your Ex-Lover Is Dead" by the Stars (and covered by many). A huge thank you for The Random Ninja's patience since our system of exchanging fics for editing can become confusing.


"When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire"

-Your Ex-Lover Is Dead, The Stars

God That Was Strange To See You Again

Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'

In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name...

What a weird guy. I could tell he recognized me, but I've never seen him before. I have an excellent memory for faces. I don't think I wouldn't have forgotten such a girly guy. When I first saw him, I thought he was female.

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's been 5 months since I left. I knew meeting people I had known in other worlds was possible, but I never anticipated meeting another Kurogane. Yet, here I was sharing a taxi with him. How awkward.

During my first month in this new world, after leaving Yuuko's shop by myself, I got an apartment and a job at a café. After traveling to so many different places, it seemed wrong to stay in the same place for too long. And then there was a time soon after arriving, that I saw a Chi with a dark haired man at work. Seeing her must have been hitsuzen, reminding me not to get too comfortable since my past never stays in the past.

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love...

I was a coward until the very end.

Kurogane may hate me, but it's best this way. No matter how much it hurts to have him hate me, it will always be better to have him hate me than love me. Nothing would be worse than if he loved me. I tend to bring bad luck to those around me.

Everyone I care about always ends up hurt, it has happened time after time. Ashura, Fai, Sakura. They were all hurt. But this time I will change hitsuzen. This time, I will save Kurogane, if no one else. By never seeing him again, I will save him.

Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...

No matter how badly I miss him or need him, it doesn't matter. Keeping my distance from him is important for his own safety. He is worth it and always will be. Kurogane was always too nice. He may have been a ninja but there was a reason I called him Sakura and Syaoran's father. Even though he tried to be discreet, he really did care about the children. After all, his integrity as a ninja would be hurt if the rest of the humanity ever found out.

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

Rain smacks hard against the window of the cab as the other Kurogane tries to make small talk. It's hard to pay attention to the words he says when looking at him brings back the memories of the time we spent together.

The night before I left for this world, when I said goodbye, I lied, again. I didn't tell him how I felt and most people would say withholding the truth is just as bad as a lie. Someone wise once told me that feelings are useless if one doesn't tell the other person. Even when I want to be honest, I can't.

I'm not sorry there's nothing to save...

But at least I did say goodbye. It might not have meant much to him as I walked out of the door and out of his life, but Kurogane changed me in more ways than I probably realize, and it means the world to me. Kurogane did give me something to fight for. I am still fighting for him. Each day that passes, I will miss him and part of me will always be waiting for him. But with each day that comes, I will fight myself, I will force myself to keep away. That ought to count for something.


La fin (presque)

A/N: Presque (for those who don't know) means not quite, or almost. While editing, it was mentioned by The Random Ninja (and I agree) that this fic isn't quite finished. I'll come back and write a proper ending some day soon.

And, as always, reviews are appreciated.