I Killed Someone

A/N: I'm in the middle of Out of Sight, Out of Time finally having time to read, so this is just what I thought should have expanded in that little scene where Zach and Cammie go into the tunnel to eavesdrop on the trustees meeting. Please Review!

And then there was Zach. Of course he would be awake before me even on the most random days. I grabbed the fire poker and handed it to him, figuring if he was here anyway, he could be a little helpful. I sighed quietly as I turned to the wall that held the hearth.

"Cam, are you-?" Zach began, a sense of wariness becoming evident in his voice.

"I'm not running away again if that's what you're thinking," I snapped at him. I felt bad for yelling, but I honestly couldn't take this anymore. I mean, I killed someone for crying out loud! Bex would say it was self-defense. Liz would say it was a subconscious thing to protect a friend. But I didn't even remember picking up the gun or pulling the trigger.

I heard the poker click against the floor as Zach let his arms drop in semi-defeat. I could feel him watching my every move as I pressed against the wall and then stood back. We both watched as the panels of concrete slid away neatly, leaving a nice little opening for me and anyone else I decided was able to see it.

"I thought all the passageways were blocked off…" he muttered partly to himself.

"Yeah, the ones they knew about were blocked off. And besides, this doesn't even lead outside," I assured him, a hint of sarcasm in my voice. I stepped into the narrow pathway, careful not to leave any evidence in the fire ashes. Zach did the same behind me.

"Gallagher Girl," he said in a warning voice. I rolled my eyes as I started walking.

"I just want to check on something!" I cried out in frustration. I was sick of everyone being afraid of me. I was sick of everyone thinking I was going to run away. I was tired of everyone acting like one wrong word would break me. I was sick and tired of all of it.

"Okay," was all Zach. I guess he figured quietly agreeing would work right now.

I continued on until I reached a small opening right above my mother's office. She was sitting at her desk with an unreadable expression. Aunt Abby stood next to her, every ounce of joking gone from her face and eyes. The two trustees were sitting in front of the desk. As I watched curiously, I felt Zach catch my arm and allowed him to pull me back just a bit.

"Gallagher Girl, you don't want to be here right now," he warned. I whirled on him then, forgetting about the scene down below for the moment.

"You were told to watch for me, weren't you? To make sure I didn't see any of this?" My eyes were full of fire now, I knew, but I didn't care. The only thing that stopped me from going on was the male voices I heard down below us. I quickly turned back around and realized the phone was on speaker and everyone was listening.

Two CIA agents who were on the Gallagher trustee board were speaking. I heard the argument go on and on about whether I was dangerous or not, whether I was stable or not. After ten minutes, I just couldn't take it anymore. I swiftly turned and ran past a shocked Zach before he recovered and started coming after me.

As I reached the end of passage, I slowed to a stop and heard Zach's voice.

"Don't ever run away again," he whispered, making me realize how close he actually was as he grabbed my hand and spun me around to face him. I looked up into his emerald eyes and realized I couldn't take this anymore. I couldn't hold it in.

"They think I'm dangerous. They think I'm crazy. They think I'm-"

"Cammie, they don't know you!" Zach nearly shouted and I don't think he cared at that point.

I looked at him, not saying a word. My eyes told more than I could ever say, I knew.

"They will never know you," he said again. He looked down at me, a hint of a smirk on his face. But before he could say what was causing that smirk, I jumped in again.

"If they don't know me- If the Gallagher board of trustees doesn't know me, then who's left that does?" I wanted to scream, but it came out as more of a stressed whisper.

"Cam," his voice was a barely audible whisper as he said my name. He grabbed my hands and gently squeezed them, his green eyes a calming sight. "I know you."

I don't think he realized what those words did to me. I started to shake before I spoke again. Again, he beat me to the punch. Zachary Goode was the only person I knew besides Bex who could do that.

"Why on earth did you kill him, Gallagher Girl?" he asked, letting go of my hands and running one through his dark hair. I started to respond before I was cut off again. "Why didn't you let me kill him?" That one sentence, don't ask me how, made the corners of my lips twitch. A small smile appeared on my face as on his. It lasted for a split second, but it was a smile.

"You know, Gallagher Academy doesn't leave us clueless about that kind of thing," I said, a bit offended.

"Yes, but at Blackthorne, they teach us how to take lives, not save them. And then, they teach us how to live with ourselves after…" Zach trailed off and turned away from me. He rested his forehead against the cool stained glass of the one way window in the passageway. I saw the glass fog up, giving away the sigh he was obviously trying to hide from me. I reached out and tentatively touched his shoulder.

"What's wrong…Gallagher Boy?" The nickname was new, but I kind of liked it. It made me feel like his equal.

"It's all my fault. Everything. All of this. It's my fault you're like this, it's my fault this is all happening, and it's my fault he's in a coma." He rested his fists against the glass as well.

"Nothing is your-"

"I put the idea in your head to run away," he continued.

"No, you didn't. I knew for awhile that I had to do whatever it took to learn about my father and if running away was part of it, then so be it."

"You should have taken me with you!' Once again, he didn't care that he was shouting at a glass window.

"Why? I should have taken you so I could watch one of the only things that's keeping me sane right now take a bullet for me or leap on a bomb or jump off a cliff for me? So I could watch another person get hurt because of me? Because I could never live with that." My voice was beginning to rise as well as I argued with him.

"You should've taken me with you so we could keep each other safe." His voice was quiet again as he turned back around to face me.

"Hello, Captain Obvious. I am safe, Zach!" He looked at me like I was insane, which very well could have been true.

"You could have died, Cam."

"But I'm right here, breathing, talking to you," I countered. "I'm home at my school with my friends and my mom and my-"

"You could have died," he said again, pushing himself off the window and moving closer to me.

"I'm fine," I said, hearing my voice crack as he reached me.

"You could have died," he said for a third time. "And that would've killed me." My tears finally came as I kept shaking my head back and forth.

"I don't remember, I don't remember. I want to remember, but I don't," I sobbed, feeling ashamed for crying in front of him but not really caring at the moment. I think I was talking about everything when I said. I didn't remember my summer. I didn't remember assembling the gun on my first day back. I don't remember picking it up in the woods or pulling the trigger or even the sound of the bullet.

"I killed someone," I whispered, tears streaming down my face.

"I know," Zach acknowledged the fact.

"I killed someone," I repeated again, not believing the words as Zach rested his hands on my arms.

"I know, Cam, I know," his voice was gentle now.

"I killed someone and I don't even remember it! Picking up the gun, pulling the trigger, nothing," I cried.

"You might have killed one man by coming home, but you saved Bex, you saved your mother, Abby, Liz, Macey…and if you didn't come back, you would have killed me," Zach said that phrase for the second time as he ran his fingers through my almost normal hair.

"But-" My argument was never finished because Zach's lips found mine.

"I remember this," I breathed out, running my hand along his chest and taking in his scent when he pulled away. Before I could say anymore, he kissed me again. When he pulled away the second time, I saw his eyes soften even more, which seemed impossible.

He reached up and lightly wiped away my tears before wrapping his arm around my small waist. I looked up at him, my eyes pleading as I spoke.

"Zach, are you…afraid of me?" I dreaded the answer, but I still had to know.

"No." I opened my mouth to say something but he continued speaking. "I could never be afraid of the girl I…love." A small smile came onto his face as he said the word and I felt for one second like the old Cammie again, before I knew anything about the Circle. I felt a small smile appear on my face again as he hugged me closer. I raised my hand and spoke to him sign language, not trusting my voice. I spelled out I love you and felt him pull tighter still, making me feel safe, finally.

"I am," I said into his chest. I heard him sigh before he lifted my chin up and kissed me. I closed my eyes and let my worries fade away for just a little while.

A/N: I didn't really like the ending, but what do you guys think? Anything from the book exactly, credit is to Ally Carter obviously. Please review!