"Hey, Penny?" I ask from my seat on the couch, Penny's toes buried under my thigh.
"Yeah?" she replies absently.
"What was it like when you lost your virginity?" I keep my eyes trained steadfastly on the television, avoiding the piercing gaze I suddenly feel burning into my profile. On second thought, that may just be a blush.
"What?" she asks, confused. Still, she continues, "I don't know, it... Well it kinda sucked, to be honest. I mean, neither of us knew what we were doing. There was no foreplay to speak of, like, we didn't even round all the bases, you know? We were just- making out one minute, then 'Hey, wanna do it?' then suddenly we were naked, and -BAM! And then it was over. I didn't even cum." She takes a sip of wine; probably more of a gulp, rather, and I hear her swallow. "What about you?"
Shit, there it is. "Uh," I stammer, "I don't know." Smooth, Amy.
"You don't know?" Penny asks incredulously. "What, were you drunk or something?" She snorts, "Was it one of those black out college walks of shame, where you wake up in some random bed with a stranger and lose your underwear forever?" I scrunch my face up, overcoming my embarrassment to turn and stare at her in bewilderment, because that was a weirdly specific scenario.
It's times like these that I am vastly overwhelmed by the differences in our lives.
"Uhm, No. I've never actually... ya know." And I wonder why.
Apparently my inner sarcasm is lost on Penny, though, because she actually somehow looks surprised by that statement.
"What?!" She squeals unattractively (just kidding). "You mean you've never had sex?" Is she kidding?
"No," I clarify simply.
For a moment she just stares at me, open-mouthed. I really wish she wasn't so attractive.
I stare patiently back, until she regains her bearings.
"Oh. Okay, so... What about oral?" What?
"What?"
She rolls her eyes, as if somehow I'm the slow one. "Oral sex. You know, blow-jobs, or the uh-" she waves her hand vaguely toward her crotch, "female version of blow-jobs. Or hand-jobs! And uh, fingering. Or anal! Have you done any of that?"
I stare at her in resigned consternation. "No, I've never done any of that, either. Although I think, technically, all of that also counts as 'sex', so the question seems kind of redundant."
She turns away then, tapping her finger on the wine-glass (it's not actually a wine-glass) with her face scrunched up adorably while she thinks. "So..." she starts, "no sex at all then? Like, not even... phone sex? Or anything?" She's actually pleading with me at this point. I don't think she can even comprehend my virginity; at least not at my age.
"No, nothing," I say.
"Have you at least been kissed before?" she asks. I shake my head.
She huffs then stares unseeingly at the television in shell-shocked silence. I bite my lip in concern before slowly turning back to the TV as well, taking a sip of my own neglected glass (coffee mug) of wine.
We spend the next twenty minutes quietly watching the rest of a re-run of Say Yes to The Dress. As the next episode starts I contemplate getting up and going home for the evening, hoping to put this awkward conversation behind me, berating myself for starting it in the first place.
Before I move, or even set my drink down, though, I'm startled by Penny aggressively slamming her (distressingly empty) glass down on the coffee table. She looks at me with absolute determination, and to be honest I'm a little (a lot) intimidated.
"Come here," she says. Orders, actually. I look at the minuscule space between us on the couch, then back at Penny. I open my mouth, but I don't know what I would say.
"Come. Here." She demands again, beckoning me closer and repositioning her legs to give me room to slide closer.
I look around the room instinctively, as if checking to see if there's a camera crew or maybe someone to back me up and let me know what I'm supposed to do, not that I actually expect anyone to be there. I slide closer, my thigh pressed up against the knee of Penny's leg, folded under her body where she's turned toward me.
She presses her lips together in contemplation as she stares disconcertingly at my face.
"What?" I ask as her eyes take in my cheekbones, nose, chin, lips- I'd feel self conscious if I didn't feel that way all the time anyway.
"Okay, just-" she starts, stumbling. "Just, close your eyes for a second, alright?"
I don't understand. "Uh, okay?" I scrunch my eyes closed, waiting pointedly for whatever Penny has up her (non-existent) sleeves. Penny huffs and I know she just rolled her eyes at me, but then I feel her shuffle closer, then-
Oh.
Oh.
Oh my God.
I feel the press of lips against mine and my eyes fly open. I'm greeted to the sight of Penny's face weirdly close, like I'm looking at her through a microscope. Her brow is furrowed in concentration and I can count every blonde eyelash.
I should do something. At this point it's just lips-on-lips, and I know I should... move? Or pull away or something, but I honestly have no idea what I'm supposed to do. Penny doesn't take my responselessness to heart, though, and after a few seconds she shuffles closer, sliding a hand around to the back of my neck. She angles her head a little then moves her lips against mine. I'm still not sure what to do, though, but I don't want her to stop, so I kind of... submit(?) to her ministrations, melting into her and pursing my lips in what I hope is an encouraging pantomime.
She rewards me by nibbling gently at my upper lip, sliding her tongue along the seam, delving deeper to flick against my teeth.
She pulls away then, though, and I make an abortive motion to follow her. She laughs, squeezing the back of my neck in reassurance.
"Okay?" she asks, and I nod, dumbfounded.
"Okay," she repeats. "Now I want you to copy me. Ready?" I nod again, eager.
She exhales sharply in what might be a laugh, I think, then she's back, massaging her lips on mine. I take a moment to just enjoy it, but then she squeezes my neck again, this time in prompt and I remember that I'm supposed to be trying to copy her.
I take the mental equivalent of a deep breath and move my lips in an eager mimicry of Penny's own. I think I'm going too fast and I'm sure that I'm not doing very well, but Penny doesn't seem to mind too much. She tilts her head to the side and I move to follow her, only to be stopped by her (surprisingly rough, but I'm not going to complain) hands, rearranging the angle of my head for maximum efficiency. She's right, this is much better.
Just as I start to really lose myself to the feeling, she pulls away.
"Okay!" she gasps, grinning. "That was good! I mean, it wasn't perfect but- not bad!"
"Oh," I say eloquently. "Good. It was all right, then?"
"Yah," Penny waves dismissively, "s'all good. Now. Let's move on to tongues."
Ohmygod.
"So, I'm going to kiss you again, but I want you to keep your lips parted. When my tongue tries to get in your mouth, you let it in. When my tongue starts rubbin' up on yours, you rub right back. When it leaves, you follow it and you copy everything I show you just like before, okay?"
I mean to nod, but I'm not sure the order ever makes it from my brain to the muscles in my neck. Penny seems to understand what I mean to say, though, or else she simply doesn't care one way or the other, as long as I don't back out completely.
Penny moves back in, tilting her head to lock our mouths together, her tongue sliding wetly between my lips. My first inclination is to tear my head away from the invading appendage; it feels... weird. Kind of slimy. I think, as her tongue rubs sensuously against my own, that I can taste the wine on her breath, and I spare a thought to hope my own doesn't taste bad. I should have gargled mouthwash before we started.
Penny explores my mouth, licking at my teeth and the frenulum under my tongue, then makes her retreat.
I follow her in stops and starts, forced to gather my courage multiple times before my tongue finally manages to breach the barrier of her soft, pink lips. I force back a hysterical giggle at the thought of another pair of undoubtedly soft, pink lips I might get my mouth on tonight and focus on the movement of my tongue.
I tentatively give little kitten licks to the tip of her tongue before darting away, grazing the rigid edges of her teeth. Again and again I go back, slowly coming in and then retreating like a pale mockery of intercourse.
Finally, Penny pulls away. From this close, I can see that her pupils are dilated, indicating her arousal. I feel a pulse of pride that I must have done a fairly good job to have turned her on, even a little.
Penny nods, licking her lips thoughtfully as she squints contemplatively at me.
"Okay. Well done! I think you're ready to move on to step two."
Please let 'step two' be cunnilingus.
"What's step two?" I ask a little numbly to hide my eagerness.
"Well, uh," Penny bites her lip, brushing he hair behind her ear, a gesture which belies her nervousness. "I mean, I guess you would call it 'oral sex'? I guess?"
Hallelujah!
