This text is based on a song that touched me a lot : Sunshine by Keane. This is my first attempt at translating one of my texts in English, so.. If you see any mistake or other way to say something, please do tell ~
Enjoy ~
She was suffocating. Too many decisions and choices to make. Thousands of hands were pulling her from all sides, tearing off her hair, scratching her white skin, while they were hurling her down and down, where it was getting darker and darker. Her lungs were racing, sending sighs she couldn't breath out in her throat squeezed by anguish ; they remained stuck, ripping her from inside, crushing her stomach and her heart beating wildly. She would have wanted to scream or to curl herself into a ball. Showing as little surface as possible. Protecting as much as she could against wounds and disappointments. Elnöra had already given too much of herself to see another fragment getting ripped off.
Her body, drenched by sweat, struggled, tangling up one of her hands in the white sheets. Tears had been flowing for a while when she woke up and she felt like crying. Sobs didn't take a long time to follow, noisy and rackety.
The room was filled with grey. Drab colours were showing here and there, but she was too overwhelmed to notice them. A draft left her skin shivering, as doubts and regrets were deceiving her hopes. She couldn't cope with it anymore. And little by little, she was realizing that she would never do.
"What's going on ?"
A deep voice rose in the room, cutting her whines short, and she swallowed them back, ashamed. She could have recognized this voice between hundreds of them, even if she had gotten accustomed to it only a few days before. The girl urged herself to breath slowly, deeply, but some jolts were disrupting her attempts to calm down. She let go of her thighs she had surrounded with her arms and moved the red hair locks which had been sticking to her cheek. She could feel the iced-up look laying on her, but ignored it when she simply answered :
"Nothing. It's nothing."
Her tone sounded fake. The boy had probably been there long enough to realize it. Seconds passed by silently, as Elnöra's breath was getting steadier. Jack had heard her cry. He had perceived the dream slowly turning into a nightmare and had covered as fast as he could the distance from Hong-Kong which was keeping them apart. He had then discovered his friend in a panic state that had made him excessively concerned.
Tightening his grip on his staff, he opened the window and perched on it.
"I'll go find Yvä-
- No !"
The nut-brown eyes met the snow ones ; he could read such determination in them that he stood still.
"Please. Don't."
She lowered the hand she had raised, hoping to hold him back. Their eye contact broke as fast as it was created. Her slender body curled up once again as the boy jumped on the floor with frustration.
"What do I do, then ? El', I- I don't know how to deal with those kinds of things. Just- Tell me what I should do."
He was so agitated that he started pacing up and down – especially up since his feet weren't always touching the room floor – during this reply. He stopped at the bed end, staring at the head of the child in front of him, hoping to get an answer explaining him what to do. He didn't have to wait long.
"You can't do anything."
Yet, that didn't suit him.
"El', please..."
His voice broke as he was reaching for her with his long fingers. When they brushed her hair, she jumped.
"Don't touch me !"
Her abrupt tone and sharp eyes freezed him. He hastily moved away. Elnöra's eyelids were flooded with tears. Jack was completely lost.
"I'm- I'm sorry. Just... Don't.
- Why ? What can I do ? Elnöra, please...
- No."
Sob. Jerky breath.
"I'll break if you do."
Sticking her face between her knees anew, she cried silently and gave him a "Just go." meaning that their talking was over. The Guardian felt the urge to scream in frustration. Why was she alone especially tonight ? Where were the others ? Had she asked them to leave too ? Or wouldn't she let them come ? If he had felt her distress, now doubt Yvänn had perceived it too. In that case, why was she keeping him away ?
The Winter Boy looked around the room, hoping he could find a solution, a clue which would have shown him what to do. In vain. He, the Guardian of Fun, didn't even know how to respond when confronted to a few tears. Those were hers, indeed, but still. He knew, deep inside him, that none of his snowflakes would calm her down, that his snow would not warm her heart frozen by doubt and apprehension. He was panicking, was forcing himself not to fly away, to look for the elf she needed more than anyone...
When she raised her head up, he was gone.
There. It was better this way.
She had to face it by herself, face the fears which were eating her away.
Not bothering the others. Placing barriers necessary for their own good.
Alone.
That's what she had chosen, wished for.
Alone.
Tears.
Bitterness.
"It's okay."
The breath in the hollow of her ear sent shivers down her spine. It took a few seconds for her to notice both the arms surrounding her. They were diffusing a cold warmth on her skin which was also racing on her back, where Jack had laid his bust.
"It's alright."
Tears increased tenfold, soaking her face. Hiding it in her sweaty palms, she whispered :
" I don't want you to see me like this."
Her hushed voice almost drew a smile on his face. Not that the situation was laughable, but he was horribly nervous, not sure what the turn of events would look like.
"I want to be here."
That was true.
"And I'm glad I arrived in time."
So was this.
She firmed up her voice, her body tensed by the embrace he was locking her in.
"I wouldn't have hurt myself, you know ?
- Then, why do you, now ?"
Dumb, she tried to escape, moved her arms so he could understand, tried to take his away from her.
"You have the right to cry, El'."
She froze, her heart tightening under the weight of the words he just gave her. She suddenly noticed Jack's staff carelessly lying against the wall ; how come she hadn't seen it, up to now ?
"You have the right to be weak, sometimes."
Her sight went blurred as her cheeks were burning from too much salt, too much pain.
"You also have the right to ask for help."
A whine slipped from her lips. Her fingers rested on the boy's hand by reflex and squeezed it. Her wet mouth mumbled unsure words.
"I'm sorry for being like this.
- Don't."
Jack laid his chin in one of Elnöra's shoulders' hollow, making himself breath slowly so she could calm down. She was crying and couldn't stop.
"But I...
- It's okay, El'. I'm right here. I won't go away."
Sobs got twice as strong. He kissed her warm skin and cradled her softly. She didn't know how long lasted this embrace nor when she finally fell asleep. She remembered every word he had offered to her, every gesture. Jack kept her close and didn't let go for a second.
That night, he believed in her as strong as she believed in him.
I hold you in my hands, a little animal
And only some dumb idiot would let you go.
But if I'm one thing, then that's the one thing I should know :
Can anybody find their home ?
Out of everyone, can anybody find their home ?
