Before we begin, I'd like to re-inform you that this is a story that mocks the very existence of Mary Sues. In other words, it's not meant to be serious. It's not meant to make you feel all "fluffy" inside or whatever. It's supposed to annoy you. It's supposed to show you how irritating I find Mary Sues.

This could be a bit of an exaggeration, though, for the Mary Sue part. Since she's an intended hate-able character, I might make her overly-irritating, and that's not what I'm trying to aim for. I'm trying to aim for a believable Mary Sue, like a Mary Sue someone would write, thinking it's not a Mary Sue. Basically, a Mary Sue an author is writing with the author knowing it.

For those who read this story pre-rewrite... Elfis has always meant to be annoying. If you find her annoying, that's good. It means I've done my part of the job.


The new girl on the block was very annoying, Kirby decided when she first saw her.

"I'm Elfis," the black-haired girl greeted with an outstretched hand that Kirby didn't take. "Nice too meet you!"

It's certainly not nice to meet you. "Um, it's nice to meet you too," Kirby replied, but left Elfis' hand in the air. The pink-haired girl's best friend, Kirstie, stood beside her as she frowned.

"You're that girl I met when I was walking around last night," she noted. Kirstie was pretty, with her hair tied in two black plaits. Kirby could only tie a simple ponytail. "You were really weird."

"I might come off as unique, I guess. I'm not from here. I just came here to meet somebody." Elfis spun on her heel and began trotting down the corridor elegantly—she was pretty. Elfis was a very pretty girl, with silky, alluring, black hair cascading down her back without a single knot, a slim figure, skin as pale as freshly-fallen snow and enchanting dark blue eyes.

So the two girls around Kirby were both pretty.

"You want to meet somebody?" Kirstie suddenly asked. Elfis stopped in her tracks, turning around to nod at the girl. "So you're not from here but you want to meet somebody? This person knows you?"

"He does not know me, but my friend does. I don't believe he remembers her, though," Elfis said smoothly. "I am currently seeking refuge from the enemies of the Mirror World. I know he'll lend me a hand! My friend's always been saying he's a very kind person!"

Kirby just wanted the girl to get lost as soon as possible. Elfis' beauty was getting on her nerves (jealousy or not, it was getting on her nerves). "What's his name? I'm sure we could help you find him."

Elfis cocked her head slightly and beamed brightly. "Meta Knight."

After twisting through the hallways and heading up the stairs, they reached the hallway of rooms and knocked on Meta Knight's room door. The door opened slowly, and Elfis beamed at the figure who answered.

"Meta Knight, it's good to meet you!"

Meta Knight frowned. "...Do I know you?"

"My friend knows you," Elfis stated clearly. She had a pretty voice, too. "His name was Sir Arthur. He was a very respectable man, but I don't know his location right now. I... just needed some help from the forces of the Mirror World."

Meta Knight was absorbing the information like a sponge. "You need our help?"

"Just yours will do. I don't want to trouble everybody else."

And thoughtful too. Dang.

"That's very nice of you, but—"

"Sir Meta Knight, I believe it's time to eat," Kirby muttered nervously, wringing her hands. She didn't like Elfis. Not really. The girl creeped her out, needless to say, and she was absolutely stunning. Pretty and perfect, like she was just ripped out of a model magazine.

Meta Knight nodded, shifting his cloak around him before he exited the room. The three of them followed him out. They remained quiet for a while until Elfis all but pounced onto him. The other three jumped at her action.

"So, Meta Knight, what are you gonna eat?"

"I... well, probably some rice, or bread, and—"

"That's boring. Don't you eat nicer food? Why don't we get something nicer?"

"I—uh."

Kirby bit her bottom lip furiously. Two could play at a game. Two always played at a game. "Sir Meta Knight? It's been a few days since our last sparring session, and I was wondering if we should hold it at the normal time today, right after breakfast and ending in the afternoon. I need to sharpen my skills in fighting..."

Gratitude was evident in the knight's eyes. Of course he'd be uncomfortable with Elfis literally all over him. "That would be a great idea, Kirby. We shall proceed to the courtyard right after breakfast."

"A knight like you is always training, huh?" Elfis grinned wolfishly, staring straight at the younger Star Warrior. "So, right after that, during the afternoon, Meta, we can just spend time together to help you relax! It must be tiring to train Kirby all the time."

Well, excuse you.

Kirby cleared her throat. What could she use to her advantage here? ...Elfis was pretty, wasn't she? The king liked pretty girls, didn't he? If Kirby requested Elfis to "spend time" with the king, Elfis couldn't refuse. It was the one bad thing about possessing beauty while residing in Castle Dedede. One of the reasons why Kirby didn't want to be pretty so badly.

"The king—King Dedede—would actually like to spend time with you during the afternoon, Elfis." Kirby silently prayed it would work. "I'm really sorry you can't spend time with Meta Knight. Maybe another day."

To her utmost astonishment and fury, the knight's neck were captured in Elfis' hands. Yes, the stupid girl had just flung her hands all over his neck. "Sorry to tell you, pinky, but Meta's my king. I wouldn't dare follow under a 'king' that deserves to be mocked," Elfis snorted while forcing Meta Knight to piggyback her, since she had just thrown her weight against him.

Before the pink-haired girl could start a bitchfight with Elfis, Kirstie seized her by the shoulders. "You know that you can just use that to our advantage, right?"

Kirby gave Kirstie a confused look while Meta Knight had to carry Elfis towards the cafeteria (since she had just thrown herself at him). "I don't really understand what you mean."

"Dedede doesn't want other people to not regard him as a king, right? We can just tell him whatever the hell Elfis just said, and he'll get plenty angry and try to get Elfis punished or whatever shit. As long as he gets the bitch out of our way, I don't really care what he does."

Clenching her fists, Kirby nodded.


The throne room wasn't too far away. They managed to reach there in thirty minutes, and Kirby took the initiative to knock on the wooden double doors. When they were approved entry, she inhaled and pushed open the door carefully.

The king sat on his throne lazily, staring as both girls entered. "Oh, it's you two. I thought it'd be that new girl who just arrived yesterday."

"Elfis?" Kirstie prompted.

"Yeah... whatever her name was. She needs to pay me a visit later. Doesn't she know you're supposed to respect your king by greeting them if you're gonna stay at their place?" His frown was replaced by a smirk. "Whatever. The girl's pretty. And I'm her king, so she has to follow the rules."

"She doesn't regard you as king," Kirby blurted.

Dedede blinked. "What?"

"She thinks Meta Knight is her king," Kirstie provided helpfully.

"WHAT?!"

"And she won't go by your rules," Kirby added. Made up, that one, but it was okay, if she had to get Elfis out.

"I..." Dedede inhaled uncontrollably. "I AM THE ONLY KING!"

He was outraged, definitely. Kirby let out a sigh of relief as he placed his cup of tea down in annoyance. He glanced around for any guards, then turned to Kirstie and Kirby once again, a thoughtful grimace on his face.

"Get her out of the castle, and out of my land." Kirby was startled, at first; she thought he'd try to trap her in prison and seduce her with his fats, or something similar to that. "Spare her only if she willingly goes with you to come and see me personally."

This was generally the same thing, though. Kirby grinned and nodded.


Kirby found Elfis at the cafeteria, with Meta Knight, eating some sort of dry noodles. When Elfis spotted them, she smiled. "Hi, Pinky! And her best friend. Are you gonna join us?" she asked cheerfully.

"Meet the king or get booted out," Kirby replied. Elfis frowned.

"What? I already told you, Meta Knight's my king."

"King Dedede," Kirstie snapped. "The fat one. Your king's too skinny."

"I'm not going. I have no reason to."

"Twenty seconds to get up or shut up," Kirstie informed her. "Twenty."

Meta Knight put his fork down. "I suggest you meet with His Majesty as fast as possible, Elfis. He does not tolerate anybody's ill behaviour, and you may be thrown out of the castle."

Elfis simply laughed. "I'm sure I won't."

"—fourteen, thirteen..."

Kirby smiled at Elfis. "Sir Meta Knight's right. Even your 'king' can't save you from the clutches of the actual king, and you probably know that very well yourself. I can't help you if you refuse."

"—eight, seven... Elfis, don't throw your noodles at me," Kirstie warned, holding her arms up in defense. "Five, four..."

"I won't go."

"Okay." Kirstie shrugged. "Then get out of the castle—oops. I mean, 'You are hereby thrown out of Castle Dedede. You have two hours to say all your goodbyes, and in two hours, we will search the entire castle very thoroughly for you. If we find you in the castle, punishment is assured.' Stupid speech-thing Dedede makes us say... it's way too long. I should request to cut down on it."

With that, the both of them strutted away, feeling some sense of accomplishment. Elfis, on the other hand, had tears welling up in her eyes as she attempted to swipe them away.

And then, in a trembling voice, "...I don't want to leave the castle."

Meta Knight placed a hand on her shoulder. "...You can... stay in my room, for the time being. If you refuse to leave the castle that much. You will be hidden. It is all right."

Elfis sniffled, and with a cunning smile, she nodded.


Not 100% Mary Sue material, but it'll work. I can see Elfis slutting around. I can actually see it.