a/n: this is based on the song "remembering sunday" by all time low. I'm going to put a trigger warning (death/suicide) on this, just in case. yes, it does contain phan, no there is not really any smut in it. okay, that's all, thanks for reading this, please enjoy the fanfic *starts fanfic and hands you popcorn*
ps. when it is italicized it's a memory.
I glanced at the clock on the top of my laptop, 2:33am. What was the point of editing this stupid video when I'll just get hate for it. I get so much hate now, even if I don't do anything. All thanks to….no. I shouldn't be thinking about this.
"fag"
"I KNEW YOU WERE GAY"
"well, I guess i'll be unsubscribing now"
"I'll still love you, even though you are gay"
"I was waiting for the glorious day when we would find out that Dan Howell was gay"
I read through some of the tweets on my twitter. This probably wasn't a good thing to be doing at 2:30 in the morning.
I closed out twitter and went back to editing my almost done video.
"Oh Dan, can't you take a break from editing? I want to go snuggle on the couch before the radio show," Phil pouted and leaned his head on my shoulder as I edited my video. I sighed, taking my head phones off, and placing them next to the keyboard.
"Phil, you know I have to finish this video. The danosaurs are expecting it tonight, and I don't want to edit after the radio show," I knew that Phil won't accept that as an answer. I lean my head back so I can look at him in the eyes.
His blue eyes, had a pleading look in them.
"Please..?" he mumbles like a little kid. Dammit, he always gets what he wants. I sigh and stand up.
"alright, fine." I look at him and he kisses my cheek, grinning widely, as we both walk into the living room and go to watch tv and cuddle on the couch before the radio show.
Dan. stop it. you don't need him. You know what you did and you know he is gone. Get those thoughts out of your head.
I couldn't focus on my video any longer, I needed sleep.
I closed my laptop and made my way through the empty flat, to my even more empty bedroom. It wasn't the same without phil. I shouldn't lie to myself. I miss the way we used to cuddle until we fell asleep, or the way he would kiss me and say how lucky he was to have me. That's all gone now, all because I made a big deal out of something that could have been fixed easily.
I pulled my t-shirt off, and changed into sweatpants. I flipped the light off and crawled into the empty, lonely, cold bed and laid my head on the pillow, looking at the ceiling. I slowly drifted off into a sleep, trying to get the thought out of my head.
I can hear Phil talking to his computer. He was doing a live show and I was scrolling through tumblr.
"Hey Dan!?" I hear Phil call to me through the walls of our flat.
"Yea?!" I call back, not breaking eye contact with my computer.
"Do you want to come and finish up the show with me?" He calls once more through the walls. I reblog one more photo and close my laptop, going into the lounge where Phil was.
I smile at how beautiful he was. He was mine, and I was his.
I jump on the couch, grinning.
"Oh hey guys!" I chirp, and look at some of the comments.
"A wild Danisnotonfire appeared!" Phil giggles and reads some of the comments also. They don't know about us, and I suppose that was a good thing. I wanted to tell them, I just don't know when a good time would be.
-do you looovveeee anyone?-
-when's your new video?-
-OMG DANNN-
-phan 3 -
I laughed at some of the comments, and finished up the show with Phil. We said our goodbyes and the show ended. He set his computer on the coffee table, leaving it open so he would remember to edit his new video.
I sat a bit closer to him, wrapping my arm around his waist. Phil smiled sweetly at me and leaned on my shoulder. I kissed his cheek.
" I love you Dan," He mumbles, looking up at me. I smiled and said the same three words back to him.
He looked at his computer and nearly screamed. He bent forward quickly slamming the lid shut.
"What?! Oh my god Phil what?!" I turn to face him.
"The li-liveshow. I thought I tu-turned it off but it was still on. Dan! I just let our se-secret slip!"
"shhhh, it'll be okay," I kissed the top of his head, and we remained hugging for awhile. I told him it was okay though, and it wasn't nearly close to okay. Phil just told the phandom that he loves me and I said I loved him back. Now they know we are gay. Fuck my life. This was all his fault. All of it
I woke up, tears rolling down my cheeks. Why can't I just stop thinking about it. Why can't I forget about him, god dammit. I don't need Phil, I can live my life without him.
That was the biggest lie I ever told myself.
feedback my lovelies? ^-^
