My eyes could only stare into the distance, as a leaned over the railing of the balcony. In three days would be the dead line of the novel, normally I didn't care, I would write when I wanted and I would be done when I felt like it. But I there was just one thing bugging me. I had a blank mind for week now. Pressing the cigarette on the ash tray and with heavy shoulder I entered the living room. I opt to take the phone, but quickly declined it; any attempted would only cause failure. I walked up the stairs, the house echoing with every step, entering my office, in hope I could write again. The computer lite up, Misaki's picture illuminated from the background. The picture was taken on our vacation in England, he staring far away in the distant of the lake. It was moment like this that I wondered where it went wrong. How it had happened that he was gone. I leaned back, the chair cricking under the pressure. The world upside down, I could barely make out Suzuki-san, his ears just poking in my eyesight. Now that I realize, he hadn't changed his scarf for a while. And with that in my mind I searched for one in the closet. During the decision between the green one and black one, I realized one thing. Normally it was Misaki who changed it, coming in the room during my work. I never minded, enjoying his company as I was busy with my novel. He would ask me questions, simple ones but I knew, below the layer was a question; he just was too embarrassed to ask. I chuckled sadly, holding the green scarf in my hand. But the fun died quickly as I could feel my hand quiver, I couldn't mask my true feeling. I kneeled in front of Suzuki-san, his black beaned eyes staring at me. I sighed again; I had lost count after the 50th time. I still hadn't proceeded what had happened, everything being so surreal. One day Misaki still lived here, the next he was gone.
It had happened a week ago, Misaki complaining about the BL novel that had been published. He continued to complain at me for using him as a character for the book, making him do erotic stuff. I could only chuckle as I hugged him, pushing his body onto the couch. I had barely removed his shirt, my lips covering his neck with kisses, he trembled with pleasure but his mouth yelled for him to stop. I hadn't heard the door open, or Takashi walking in on us. It was he yell and his sudden power to pull me away, that had busted that bubble. "What are you doing to Misaki?" he yelled, his voice full hatred and disgust. Misaki hadn't recovered from the shock, the book he held in his hand was pulled away by his own brother. Takashi eyes had scanned only a few seconds over the lines, but he fully understands. The book cover was harder than I had thought, having it hit straight into my face. I had no idea what had happened, some were between Takashi yelling some insults and pulling Misaki of the couch, the boy stumbled after him. "Don't come near us, ever again!" he had yelled, slamming the door closed. I hadn't realized how messed up the situation was when I had tried to call that night. I had Takashi's wife on the line, my ex-friend had heard her saying my name, because the next second I heard his voice, repeating himself and then cutting of the phone conversation. I had attempted it for four days, only once getting Misaki, but all were cut short by Takashi.
I rubbed my face, frustration taking his toll. My editor called a few times, continues trying to push me to the story, but ever since the last phone call, my mind went blank. The source of inspiration had been disappeared, making my fingers impossible to move. I lit up a cigarette, taking a deep breath of the smoke as I again stared at the small screen, the white being empty. Memories continued to flow in my head, but nothing positional good for the novel. One memory repeated itself, numerous times. The time Misaki was drunk, angry at something that was nonsense again. At that time some scandal had occurred that involved me. I had told him multiple occasions that there was nothing between me and that woman, pure business. I had been wrong the whole time, as he yelled at me.
"She is not right for Usagi-san. Who cares she is beautiful, lord Usagi doesn't like woman like her, or in general!" I sat opposite of him; he hadn't realized I was here. He was drunk having a conversation with himself, which amused me only more. "Usagi-san likes man. He likes them to do pervert things, all for his story." he let out a cute hiccup, grumbling under his breath. "Usagi-san likes me." And then it happened, something I had never heard before. He let out a chuckle, a cute one, something that made me free. He had slumped down, clearly having reached his limits. I smiled at myself, picking him up as I brought him to my bedroom.
He had gotten angry at me the next morning, but when I told him what I heard, he had quickly turned muted. I had hugged him, he protesting. He had frozen against my chest when I had whispered into his ear: "Usagi-san doesn't like you, he loves you." his ear tips had turned red, making him only cuter, and I couldn't help but bit in his ear, which caused a train reaction of him yelling, complaining, me kissing and a round of love making in the bad. He hadn't left it the whole morning, I didn't mind.
The phone rang again, making me annoyed, it forced me to stand up and walk to the device. "Usagi's residents." I spoke through the horn. "Usagi-san?" it was a faint whisper, but I heard it clearly. "Misaki?" I spoke, stunned to hear him after 5 days. "I don't have much time, Takashi is at work now and sister-in-law went out shopping." He spoke in a hurry voice, clearly scared to be caught. "why are you calling?" it was not that I wasn't happy that he called, I was thrilled, but why did he risk this phone call, going against his brother's word. "I-I just wanted to make sure that you are alright. T-the dead line is coming soon and I want to make sure you aren't skipping it!" I couldn't help but chuckle, or let the laugh slip between my lips. "Eh? Nani? Why are you laughing?" Misaki asked, clueless how powerful his words really where. "You left a week ago, and all you can care is about the deadline?" he stuttered from the other side, only making him cuter. I cut off his rant. "I love you Misaki." I spoke, my back leaning against the wall as I stared into the space. "I will do everything to get you back." Misaki said nothing for a while, speaking in a hushed voice. "P-please do." He didn't explain himself, in the background a door closed. "Ah I have to go, see you tomorrow at school." he spoke suddenly, I was confused, but I got my answer soon enough when I faintly heard Takashi. "A classm-" and then the sound of the dead phone. I stood there for a while, phone against my ear as if he could return any minute. My promise still lingered in the air, tainting me, challenging me. At that moment it sunk, making me quickly run up the stair and to the laptop. Never had I ever wrote a story so fast, finishing it in two days. Aikawa was thrilled, having the script in her hands. "Sensei! What happened to you?" she said in disbelieve. "nothing." I spoke. "I want a copy as soon as possible, understood." She nodded, quickly leaving the house.
True to her words I had received a rough sketch of the new book, I didn't really care, it was readable and that all it mattered. I knocked on the door, and heard quick steps on the other side. Misaki opened the door, shocked and frozen. His mouth hanging open. Etiquette been damned, I stepped into the house. Misaki tried to push me out. "You can't. nii-chan is home." He whispered yelled, but it was too late, Takashi walking through the hall way. "Who is at the door Misaki?" our eyes met, his turning from shock to anger. "I told you to stay away from us!" he yelled, clearly unpleased for me being here. I stayed unemotional, my book tightly held under my arms. "I want you to read something." I spoke. "I don't want to read anything from you." he retorted. "Just read it!" I said, for the first time raising my voice at him, shocking both brothers apparently. I stretched out my hand, the one holding the book. He continued to stare, but grabbed the book any ways. "It will tell you my true feelings for Misaki, not some kind of mistake you think it is. Call me when you have read it." I said and I decided it was the best to leave now. That is what I did. "Usagi-san!" Misaki called after me. "What are you doing!?" he was still confused, I could only chuckle. "Getting you back." I simply said, but he wasn't convinced. "By showing him an erotic book!? What kind of plan is that!? What are you, a baka?" he said, angry, but it unfazed me. I looked over his shoulder, Takashi staring around the corner, watching us. Did I dare to do it? I returned my eyes to the boy, still complaining. I hadn't seen him in a week and it was my limit. Cupping his chin in my hand, I dipped down, stealing a kiss. Before Takashi could do anything, I left. It was only a matter of time, so I had to be patient.
And true to my words, he called. He hesitated but he spoke. "What is the meaning of all this?" he spoke, demanding lightly for an answer. "My true feelings for Misaki. He is the one I truly love. I don't mean any harm. I want you to realize that." I spoke, he continued to be silence. It was hard for me, I couldn't stand still on my spot, what he couldn't see of course. "Don't hurt him." he spoke, and suddenly as if a light switch was turned on, my dark world was light up. "I would never do that." I spoke. We hung up. I knew our relationship was broke, maybe one day we could talk again, but at the moment it was better to be distant. I am sad, being in love with him for so long, but now I am in love with Misaki. Having him was more importuned, our relationship could always be rebuilt into something smaller.
Misaki had called, asking me to pick him up. And that is what I did. My car parked in front of his house, him standing outside. He quietly stepped inside, looking down at his feet. "What is wrong?" I asked, stepping lightly on the gas. "The book wasn't erotic." He said and I laughed. "Disappointed?" I teased, and he started, voicing his opinion. "Off course not!" he yelled but quickly went softer. "I was just surprised." He spoke, his eyes going outside. "Why did you write that?" he asked, his cheek covered by a light blush. "I wanted Takashi to see my feelings. What he saw was clearly a misunderstanding and I wanted to show what really was going on." I explained. "I am no good with words, I have told you before. So I did what I could do best, writing. And that is what I did." It was silence for a while, a comfortable one. "When did you write this book?" he asked, curious. "After our last conversation on the phone. I hadn't written my book yet. The deadline was in three days but I finished in two days." Misaki gapped at me. "Two days!?"
"The book is a rough sketch but I wanted Takashi to read it as soon as possible." I said, smiling. I looked over for a second, Misaki still shocked but started to relax. "I-I have read the book too. I-it was good." He spoke, but he started smiling, complimenting it for a while before he realized our surrounding. "Where are we going? The house is the other way." He spoke, looking around. "I thought for celebrating this day, we could go to Osaka." Misaki cheered happily before he looked at me again. "But why Osaka?" I smiled. "They opened a new bear shop so I want to visit It." his mouth hung opened. "Which remind me, when we get home you have to change Suzuki's scarf." Yes this was what I needed, what makes it perfect. All I need is Misaki.
"Misaki, I love you"
When Misaki is taken away, Usagi is left alone. For the first time he doesn't know what to say.
Stuck in a writer's block, he is unable to continue. When one phone call was the key to everything.
Usagi self isn't good with words, but he is a master in one thing; writing.
And it could possibly the only way to get back the one he loves
