Chapter One

It was mid-June, shortly after my graduation, and I sat on my bed fingering the engagement ring that was stationed on my left ring finger. It sparkled with the glory of the early 1900's and the vintage style was truly all I could have ever asked for. Edward had dropped me off at home, and I was alone for the weekend. He was actually going hunting this time. He had been avoiding it for so long that his eyes were black with thirst and he avoided touching me for the past few hours.

He didn't leave without instruction, of course. He was driving me back from Jacob's. I had just collapsed into Edwards arms slightly after the visit, telling him that he was the one I couldn't live without. Edward told me that by the time he got back from his hunting trip, I had better tell Charlie about my plans to get married. Which was my fault, since I insisted upon the wedding to make everyone happy. Except me.

Now I sat in my room, eyeing the ring with something like disgust. What was I getting married for? I thought of the reason. Just so I could "sleep" with Edward? This wasn't the 20th century anymore. People generally like to know what they're getting before they commit their life- and eternity- to them.

Suddenly, a new wave of emotions overtook me. I realized that only a little over 2 years ago, I was still completely normal. I was living with Renee in Pheonix and still was boy-awkward. Now, I was ready to give up everything for someone who technically didn't even have a heart. I was giving up my family. I may never be able to see Charlie or Renee again. And, I thought selfishly, I would never again see Jacob. My heart fell at the thought and the pain was renewed from the previous meeting with Jacob. We both loved each other. It was clear. But truly I loved Edward more.. differently. His cool, sweet lips, the mystery, the promise of an eternity with him...the mystery...

That's when I thought of something really stupid. Either really stupid, or painfully obvious. I laughed at myself for never thinking of it before. I had taken anatomy class last year.. But surely there may be some oddity that I didn't realize? I thought it over again. Of course. Blood must be pumping.. Down there.. For that certain activity I wanted to take place so bad to happen. Otherwise, it would just be..

But Edward's whole body was hard. Like ice. So this rule obviously couldn't apply to him. Then I thought with a pang, "ice". Ice. Ice didn't seem very appealing all of a sudden. The thought of that cold of a touch suddenly made me shiver, and not with pleasure as usual. I cleared my mind, and just decided not to think of something that stupid again. Edward wouldn't do that to me. He wouldn't force marriage upon me without telling me there would be a problem with my end of the deal.

Feeling overly sickened, I rolled over again and again in my bed. It was the dead of night, but I just couldn't sleep. I doubted Charlie was asleep either, after I told him on the verge of tears how my meeting with Jacob went.

Then I just thought of Jacob. I just let myself go for once. I wondered about that night in the tent with Edward and Jacob, when I was zipped into a sleeping bag with a half-naked Jacob, and Edward hearing his every thought. He had told him to stop the fantasies with a growl in his chest. He said Jacob had practically been screaming them in his thoughts. I had almost been dreaming when this happened. Maybe I had been dreaming, but there was no way of knowing. And in thinking about these strange, dreamy moments, I finally began to drift into a sleep peppered with many strange dreams. The kind that were hard to separate from reality.

As the night wore on, I continued to dream these strange dreams where I was always in the same room as Edward and Jacob, feeling torn between them. Taking turns running into each of their arms, and then feeling sorrow that I wasn't in the other's arms.