Bella knows pain too.
The breeze was cold. It reminded me of you. You are long gone now. For my own good even though it killed you too. You made your decision. It was to protect me. I know now that you were asking too much of me. It killed me to watch you walk away.
I closed my window today.
It's obvious that he isn't coming back.
He made it very clear that he did not want me anymore.
I'm tired of coldness. He was always the cold seeping into my bones and leaving an ever-present chill. Maybe his coldness finally reached his heart and he finally understood that I was less than him. I am no match or equal to him. He was beautiful, strong, caring, and deserved so much more. He just realized it when I was in far enough to break my heart.
I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt me this much. He didn't mean to rip my heart out and throw it at my feet. I feel ripped apart without him. I wish he'd have ripped me to pieces, because then I wouldn't be feeling this sense of emptiness and longing. Longing to be whole again, as if there actually could be an end to this devastation.
--
That's where Jacob came in. He picked my heart up from where you left it on the ground; dusted the dirt off and handed back to me. He kept a piece, but is was no longer whole. My heart was broken and only one vampire can fix it properly. I wanted so much to give it to Jacob…although it wasn't mine to give.
Jacob was different. He was warm like the sun. Not cold as ice. His personality was just as warm and sunny as his skin. He put me back together as well as he could for a werewolf.
Sometimes, I wonder if I'll turn out to be a fairy or something mythical. Everyone else gets to be mythological, why not me? Too bad though, because then, maybe, I would know of someway to let go of the pain. To somehow push it aside and not think of him everyday.
Not a day goes by that I don't think or dream about him. Each and every time I do, I feel the anguish again and again. Pain seems to be a constant in my life now. By Edward leaving me this way, without another word, I couldn't live without him. I had grown too attached. I knew he was never for me, but I wanted him. I needed him, to remember to breathe. Even reminding myself to breathe when I was around him made me feel more real. He had that effect on me.
He has been gone for awhile now. It seems to be getting better with Jacob around. His warmth can radiate into my bones and thwart the cold Edward left there. I could finally be warm at last.
Please reveiw. If you do I promise Bella might not die. Just kidding, you know she doesn't die...yet.
