Sherlock, are you on a case? -JW
No. -SH
Good. Could you get some shopping done then? The fridge is empty except for maybe some body parts -JW
If you're still talking about the head, it's gone and you should know that, as you were the one who threw it in the bin. -SH
Yes well it was starting to… wilt a bit -JW
What shopping do you require me to purchase? –SH
Food. Edible food. Like beans, pasta, bread, milk, maybe some tinned soup that sort of thing -JW
Sherlock? -JW
Yes, John- SH
Have you got the shopping? -JW
Not exactly -SH
Y not? -JW
It's spelled "why". -SH
I don't care can you just go and do it, rather than sulking about or demolishing the house please? -JW
Fine. -SH
Cream of tomato or minestrone? -SH
What? -JW
Soup. Which type. -SH
Oh erm I don't really mind just choose whatever you'd rather have. I'll probably end up trying to get you to eat it anyway -JW
Do we need "farleys rusks"? -SH
No, Sherlock those are for babies. -JW
Why is there so much selection of bread? Does society really need this much choice? -SH
Stop laughing. -SH
How did you? Never mind. Just get Hovis. -JW
Brown, white, seeded, best of both, half loaf or rolls? -SH
You really haven't gone shopping before have you? -JW
Why does it matter? -SH
Surely you can just watch other people and get what they get? -JW
I have been. That's why I asked you about the farleys rusks -SH
Ok well yeah that makes sense -JW
You are using your credit card, right? -JW
You still have mine -SH
Really? Oh yeah sorry. Ok how are you going to pay for the shopping then? -JW
With your credit card. -SH
SHERLOCK NO, STOP STEALING MY CARD -JW
Do you suppose I leave the shopping here, get a cab half way across London, just to retrieve my card form you at the surgery? -SH
Well I suppose not, but just this once. Do not make this into a habit, you hear me? -JW
I can't hear you, but I can read. -SH
Don't be so pedantic -JW
Don't be illogical then. -SH
Shut up and get on with the shopping -JW
Are you still shopping? -JW
Yes. -SH
I'm never asking you again if it takes you over an hour-. Please tell me you're in a long queue? -JW
I'm not in a queue; I'm trying to choose milk that hasn't burst. -SH
Well, just be done by the time I'm out of the surgery ok? -JW
How's the shopping coming along? -JW
It would be much faster if you didn't keep checking up on me every five minutes. -SH
I'm just checking you haven't bought acid instead of cheese or told someone his or her marriage is failing and got yourself an injury -JW
You can buy acid at supermarkets? -SH
No. -JW
There's woman whose marriage is failing. Divorce would upset her two daughters though. She is also worried about her husband finding out about her affair. -SH
Do. not. tell. her. any. of. that. -JW
I'm going to find the medical aisle. -SH
SHERLOCK! I did tell you not to! -JW
Can one use things and pay for them afterwards in supermarkets? -SH
I think so… Why? -JW
I think it's probably better that I use a roll of toilet paper and pay for it later than bleed all over their floors. -SH
Oh god -JW
It's just a nose bleed, I'm fine. -SH
Stop texting me and fix yourself up -JW
Two rolls of toilet paper used, but no bones broken. -SH
Unlike the patient I have here then. Get on with the shopping and try not to insult anymore of the public will you? -JW
I'm only telling them the truth. -SH
Most people don't want to be told the truth. -JW
Most people are idiots. -SH
If you sigh like that, your patient will think that you are bored and probably become embarrassed. -SH
Piss off. -JW
