Sherlock, are you on a case? -JW

No. -SH

Good. Could you get some shopping done then? The fridge is empty except for maybe some body parts -JW

If you're still talking about the head, it's gone and you should know that, as you were the one who threw it in the bin. -SH

Yes well it was starting to… wilt a bit -JW

What shopping do you require me to purchase? –SH

Food. Edible food. Like beans, pasta, bread, milk, maybe some tinned soup that sort of thing -JW

Sherlock? -JW

Yes, John- SH

Have you got the shopping? -JW

Not exactly -SH

Y not? -JW

It's spelled "why". -SH

I don't care can you just go and do it, rather than sulking about or demolishing the house please? -JW

Fine. -SH

Cream of tomato or minestrone? -SH

What? -JW

Soup. Which type. -SH

Oh erm I don't really mind just choose whatever you'd rather have. I'll probably end up trying to get you to eat it anyway -JW

Do we need "farleys rusks"? -SH

No, Sherlock those are for babies. -JW

Why is there so much selection of bread? Does society really need this much choice? -SH

Stop laughing. -SH

How did you? Never mind. Just get Hovis. -JW

Brown, white, seeded, best of both, half loaf or rolls? -SH

You really haven't gone shopping before have you? -JW

Why does it matter? -SH

Surely you can just watch other people and get what they get? -JW

I have been. That's why I asked you about the farleys rusks -SH

Ok well yeah that makes sense -JW

You are using your credit card, right? -JW

You still have mine -SH

Really? Oh yeah sorry. Ok how are you going to pay for the shopping then? -JW

With your credit card. -SH

SHERLOCK NO, STOP STEALING MY CARD -JW

Do you suppose I leave the shopping here, get a cab half way across London, just to retrieve my card form you at the surgery? -SH

Well I suppose not, but just this once. Do not make this into a habit, you hear me? -JW

I can't hear you, but I can read. -SH

Don't be so pedantic -JW

Don't be illogical then. -SH

Shut up and get on with the shopping -JW

Are you still shopping? -JW

Yes. -SH

I'm never asking you again if it takes you over an hour-. Please tell me you're in a long queue? -JW

I'm not in a queue; I'm trying to choose milk that hasn't burst. -SH

Well, just be done by the time I'm out of the surgery ok? -JW

How's the shopping coming along? -JW

It would be much faster if you didn't keep checking up on me every five minutes. -SH

I'm just checking you haven't bought acid instead of cheese or told someone his or her marriage is failing and got yourself an injury -JW

You can buy acid at supermarkets? -SH

No. -JW

There's woman whose marriage is failing. Divorce would upset her two daughters though. She is also worried about her husband finding out about her affair. -SH

Do. not. tell. her. any. of. that. -JW

I'm going to find the medical aisle. -SH

SHERLOCK! I did tell you not to! -JW

Can one use things and pay for them afterwards in supermarkets? -SH

I think so… Why? -JW

I think it's probably better that I use a roll of toilet paper and pay for it later than bleed all over their floors. -SH

Oh god -JW

It's just a nose bleed, I'm fine. -SH

Stop texting me and fix yourself up -JW

Two rolls of toilet paper used, but no bones broken. -SH

Unlike the patient I have here then. Get on with the shopping and try not to insult anymore of the public will you? -JW

I'm only telling them the truth. -SH

Most people don't want to be told the truth. -JW

Most people are idiots. -SH

If you sigh like that, your patient will think that you are bored and probably become embarrassed. -SH

Piss off. -JW