A/N: Hey! This is my first fanfiction, and, well, you know, this needed to be written, so... Yeah. This is not only a terrible story ironically but also a terrible parody, so my recommendation would oddly be to... not read it? But, I mean, you can if you want to, it's here and everything and I'm getting payed to write this so well yeah! Now this exists. Enjoy! or not.
Hello. My name is Belle. Isabelle Pidgeon. Please, don't ask why my last name is the same as a common bird, because I don't know why either. Well anyways, my life totally sucks, because I just moved from Albuquerque, New Mexico to Portland, Oregon, because my dad married an exotic dancer and now they're travelling the world together. Wow, she's really pretty, although she doesn't look very exotic... She must be a bottle blond! In Portland, everyone here is into all that hippie vegan s***. Like, seriously. I have the hardest time finding a freaking hamburger, and even then I don't know if it's even real meat. It did let down my expectations though, I thought there would be no cars and buildings in the ground and stuff. But still, here I'm such a loner! On my first day of school, I only made, like, 5 friends. I want to die.
But anyways, a bit about myself. I'm a Junior in high school, I have an uncomfortably strange fascination for mystical blood-sucking creatures. Not ironically, of course. Why would you think that? I like ceiling fans and Wonder-Bread, my favorite musicians are One Direction and Justin Bieber, true artists, really. My instagram is 'pidgeongirl1756'. Follow me! 3 XOXO Enough of that. Well, today, something strange happened. There's this really smoking hot boy at my school who has caterpillar eyebrows and smells like dead fish. OHMYGOD he gave me this beautiful, intense glare yesterday for over 2.5 seconds! I'm pretty sure that means he likes me! He's like one of those badboy types who you can just tell has a soft and sensitive side! Aghh, well, we'll see how things go tomorrow! He's in my biology class!
My mom's a firefighter and stuff but I think that's a really stupid job. Like, she could get payed a lot more if she just worked at an office or something! Don't they have enough firefighters? Talk about a waste of a lifetime.
It's really cold in Oregon, so I can't wear my super swaggy flippy-flops anymore. What a disappointment. They were the only thing that made me feel special :,( I even bedazzled them to look like a sensual houseplant!
Well, cheese is really cool, because it's yellow and tastes like miracles.
I'm bored. Bye.
You see? My author skills are intentionally horrific, all for the sake of irony! You can tell I like that word. Irony. Irony. I. Ro. Ny. It sounds like the adjective form of Iron! No? Ohkay. Why are you reading this anyways? Find a better way to spend your life!
