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"John … I just want to help you. You do understand that, don't you?" They stood outside in the hall, beyond Command Center. Helena placed a hand on his shoulder and felt a little hurt when he did not react, touching her in turn.

She tried to get through to him, was patient and kind, but since the accident something had changed deep inside of John Koenig. He had drawn into himself and no longer confided in her. When she probed he would become irritated. Yet, there was a sort of melancholy to his edginess that was both mysterious and deeply sad.

Nearly three weeks had passed since the accident.

"Honestly, I just do not know what is wrong with me." Koenig was uncomfortable and could not look her in the eyes. "Give me a little more time, Helena." He then turned away from her entirely and continued down the hall.

She supposed she should be used to his rejection. Recently, it was common place. Their relationship was suffering but Helena was determined to hold things together. "I'll try, John." She said quietly, watching him retreat. "I really will."


The problem started after a tragic space flight. Koenig and Bill Fraiser took an Eagle on an exploratory mission but, upon their return, the spaceship's insulation started to burn and dissolve, a mysterious circumstance that also affected their space-suits.

Out of options, quickly losing consciousness, they flipped the switch and allowed Alpha to bring them in on automatic. When Helena and her medical crew entered the cockpit John was barely alive and Fraiser was dead, having suffocated.

Why the breakdown? It was still being investigated by the experts in the Eagle hanger and technical section. However, another good man had perished. How many more could Alpha lose before the base would become inoperable?

Days later, sitting up in bed, John had asked that same question aloud. He was sullen and quiet, very depressed, and Helena asked Bob Mathias to talk with him. Whether he would agree to it or not, John needed some psychiatric counselling.

Always a strong man, Helena had never seen their Commander so defeated. It worried her deeply. In the past all she needed do was talk with him, hold John in her arms, and listen to his anguish. She, unlike others, could see his vulnerability. He told her things he would never reveal to another. But even then John was able, with Helena's help, to power himself back to the strong Commander they all knew and respected.

This time it was different.

Matters did not improve when, days later, Annette Fraiser publicly denounced her Commander while he was still recovering in Medical Center. Grief stricken, she lashed out and told all, anyone who would listen, that Koenig's carelessness killed her husband.

This was yet another blow to the Commander's now fragile psyche.

She was gently chastised by people who knew better, understanding a spouse's deep and nearly unreasonable misery. Annette was venting, grief stricken, and nearly all could understand.

But Helena could see, even if he wasn't currently confiding with her, that John was wondering if Fraiser's wife was not so far from wrong. Perhaps it was time for him to hang up the black sleeve and give it to someone more worthy.


Two weeks later Commander Koenig was back at work but even Maya and Tony Verdechi had noticed a change in their friend and leader. He attempted to put on a good face but John did not seem as decisive or sharp as he once was; appearing overly thoughtful and deeply fatigued.

"He's come back too soon." Maya told Verdeschi in private.

In the next few weeks, when they were alone together, John held and spoke with Helena with little of his usual openness. She could sense a disconnection. His heart was not into it. He was distracted and indifferent.

John Koenig was merely going through the motions. He had faced death before, had witnessed the passing of friends, but after mourning he was back to being himself again. Why was this so different?

At first Helena worried that something had happened to him in outer space. She did not believe John had been 'taken over" but maybe he had seen something terrible that hid deep in his subconscious. She understood the basis of doctor-patient confidentiality better than anyone on Alpha but she did ask Bob Mathias, an expert in the field, if there was anything she could do. Was there something she should know that might speed John's healing process along?

It was as simple as a man experiencing one too many tragedies, Dr. Mathias told her. The pressure of commanding Earth's moon through deep space was unique to John Koenig. He needed time and when he started to open up she needed to be there for him.

Helena agreed and continued to wait.


After an uneventful month, Alpha's Commander did seem a little better. He gave orders, his decision making abilities had improved, and he even managed an occasional weak smile.

Annette Fraiser, having gotten through the sorrier part of her grief, apologized to Koenig. She told him she did not mean what she said, knew him to be a good Commander, and hoped he could forgive her.

He did. The improvement – after Annette's vote of confidence – that Helena and the others hoped to see was slow. However, everything appeared on track.

In space they detected a sun with a couple of promising planets that had some interesting potential. That brought smiles onto everyone's faces, including John's.

Unfortunately, in private matters had gotten grim for John and Helena. She was beginning to feel a depression of her own. Alpha's CMO took pills, something she had never done before, to alleviate her unhappiness. John had shown her absolutely no interest since the accident; they hadn't made love and even when she lay next to him, just for comfort, his attention appeared elsewhere.

Then one night there was hope.

John called her to his quarters for supper and romance. He was trying to make amends and she was delighted. They talked and dined together like old times. Then gradually he took her in his arms and they danced slowly; eventually he led her to his bed and they started to make love …

It was beautiful for a time and Helena felt optimism for them as a couple once again … until she looked closely at him as they touched and kissed. He was looking past her, pensively thoughtful, not feeling joy or any form of contentment.

His body, its lack of response told the tale. "I'm sorry, Helena." John whispered.

"John?" Her voice quivered ever so slightly. She didn't understand. It then came to her like a lightning bolt in a clear night sky … He had been with her out of pity … and to say goodbye.

Maybe for a moment, like Helena, he did imagine they could rekindle a fire but in his heart, as much as he cared for Helena and did not want to see her hurt, John Koenig knew what they had, the beautiful narrative of a man and woman meeting, surviving, falling in love, and living happily ever after on the moon or a new world, was no more.

Tears were in her eyes and rolling down her cheeks as she quickly dressed. Helena left him, speaking no words, feeling humiliated, suffering, but also strangely resolute. She had been patient for so long, too long, and it was heart-breaking yet oddly comforting to finally know the truth.

They were over.

He could only lie there in the aftermath, staring at the ceiling, perceiving Helena's deep torment, but he simply could do nothing about it. He felt nothing but regret and as much as he had hoped that an evening with Helena, the woman he imagined as his sole lover for the remainder of his days, would drive away his inner demons – it had failed.

Better to let her get on with her life – without him.


A month past and now a new planet was before them.

It consisted of water, nearly ninety five percent of the world's surface was covered with H20, but the atmosphere was breathable. And they had received communication, an invitation from planet Irrigatea's leader to come down and explore.

It was a wonderful opportunity.

Helena and John were obliged to work together as they, along with others, took an Eagle to the planet … where a new exciting, emotional, and highly challenging adventure unfolded.


CONTINUE ...