Lunacy

Snape had to be dreaming. He just had to. There was no way this could actually be happening.

The reason Snape was thinking such thoughts was because he had just seen one of his Slytherins enter the Great Hall. Draco Malfoy, to be precise. And Malfoy seemed to be dressed-there was no other word for it- ghetto. He was decked out in sweats, stunner shades, and so much gold, it was amazing he didn't collapse to the floor.

My god, is that metal in his mouth?!?! Snape thought disgustedly as Malfoy flashed his grill at the Head Table. The teacher resigned himself to the fact that one of his students had evidently gone insane. He left to his dungeons before he could see the other interesting arrivals at the Gryffindor table.

Meanwhile, down at the dungeons, Severus Snape was preparing for his first class, double potions with Gryffindor and Slytherin. He groaned when he remembered Malfoy's odd attire, but his mood brightened as always at the thought of two hours tourturing Potter.

Minutes later, the first students started filing in. The very first, of course, was Hermoine Granger. Snape glanced at her once, then looked back down at his papers. Then looked back up again. His jaw dropped when he realized that Mr. Malfoy wasn't the only crazy teenager at Hogwarts.

Granger was dressed in all black. Black shoes, black hair(still bushy), black eyeliner, black pants, and a black long-sleeved shirt. She looked at him and said, "I feel no happiness."

Snape rolled his eyes, and, deciding to humor her, said dryly, "Yeah, me niether. Now sit down."

Hermoine sat down, and hurriedly started writing in her diary, muttering incoherently. Shaking his head, Snape returned to grading his papers.

The next person to come in was Draco Malfoy. Malfoy crimp-walked over to his seat, and started rapping to himself. Snape asked snappishly, "Mr. Malfoy, why are you wearing such ridiculous clothing?"

"Yo, don' be hatin'!" Malfoy said indignantly.

Snape blinked, and said, "Indeed." Not knowing what to do, Snape did what he did with Granger: he ignored it.

Next to arrive was Potter and Weasley. Snape was once again forced to admit they might be running a looney bin instead of a school for wizardry. Potter was wearing torn up, filthy clothing, and was hiding something that looked suspiciously like a butcher knife under his shirt. His eye was twitching, and he was muttering obscenities under his breath. Weasley, however, topped the cake for weirdest outfit. He was wearing a denim miniskirt and a pink tanktop, along with some badly smeared lipstick and bled-out mascera.

Snape, in a severely strained voice, asked, "What on earth are you wearing? And what's wrong with Potter?"

Ron laughed and announced in a falsely high voice, "Well, I am now identifying as a woman. I have now come to terms with the fact that I was born as the wrong gender, and I will soon be getting an operation to complete the process. And Harry, well, he fell off his broom a few too many times, the poor dear."

Harry snarled and started chewing on his wand.

Snape twitched imperceptibly, and said, "Well, sit down then."

Pretty soon, the rest of the class filed in, not one of them paying attention to the oddly dressed teens among them.

Snape soon realized that it wasn't as fun messing with Potter when he kept barking at you when you insulted him. Also, Malfoy decided to belt out lyrics to Eminem's "Real Slim Shady" every ten seconds.

Snape asked, "Now, what is the most important ingredient in the Draught of Living Death?"

Granger answered, in a monotone voice, "The complex nature of human suffering?"

"No! Does anyone have a logical answer? Potter! Put the knife DOWN!"

Potter obliged, if a bit reluctantly, having been about to stab Longbottom.

"My lip gloss is poppin', my lip gloss is cool, all the boys keep jockin', they-"

"Mr. Weasley! CEASE AND DESIST!"

"YOUR MOM!", screamed Potter, and he cackled madly.

With a sigh, Snape said, "Miss Granger, will you please come up here?"

When Granger got up, Malfoy whistled and said, "Man, I'd love to tap that ass."

Granger burst into tears, and Ron got up, smacked Malfoy across the face, and said, "You BITCH!", storming out of the room.

Snape placed his head in his hands as Granger started cutting herself and Potter burst into maniacal laughter, the rest of the class not paying the least bit of attention to the spectacle in front of them.

Snape tiredly pulled a bottle of vodka out from under his desk.

Malfoy spotted this and said, "Yo! Hit me up!"

Snape roared, "Malfoy! SHUT UP!" He slammed the bottle of vodka on his desk with a loud bang.

Potter screamed loudly, diving off his chair, and screeched, "I'M HIT!"

Complete and utter lunacy, thought Snape.

Thankfully, the bell had just rung, causing the devil children to leave him pondering his thoughts.

Narrowing his eyes, he thought I wonder if Dumbledore knows anything about this.

Snape stood up and strode out of the room. He needed to have a chat with the Headmaster.