A/N: Hey readers! I know Piano Room and Normal Trash are the most demanded stories, but I've been feeling pretty crappy lately so I'm just posting an old story here. I'm not sure where to go with it. I promise, though, that I will write more when school gets out in a few more weeks. Please don't give up on me :)
Sigh.
I can't understand why I keep doing this. Sighing. Breathing out dissatisfaction. I don't know.
It's not even like I have a reason to be unhappy. I get pretty good grades. I have friends. I live alone, but I have everything I need and I'm not really lonely. So why do I sigh like this every single day? Why am I always discontented?
Maybe because something's missing. I can't remember anything before I was ten years old. I don't remember my mom or dad. But that's normal, right? For kids to be separated from their parents? Many of my friends lived with relatives. I lived with my aunt until I was sixteen, and she left me the house when she went off to go get married in Hokkaido and after to live with her husband. That didn't make me upset, and neither did not knowing my parents. I didn't especially want to meet them, nor need to. I'm seventeen. I can get by on my own. Soon I'll be out of school and find my way in the future.
But I'm not worried about that. I'm not looking for universities or jobs or studying like the other kids. I try, but then I get distracted by why I feel so discontent every day. Sometimes I cry about it for hours. I wanted to know why I kept sighing. My friends called me emo, and my aunt always said I was a gloomy child. Teachers would ask me what was wrong because I had gotten so used to sighing that I didn't even notice it when I did it anymore, and a melancholy expression on my face was the norm.
Why, why, why?! So bored and miserable! I'm probably awful to be around. Geez, these damn sighs, turn into happiness already!
School was the only thing that kept me sane. I even looked forward to it. My friends that sat by me at lunch and talked to me in the halls, with their petty concerns and stupid conversations were enough to distract me from feeling depressed.
But even that sometimes I was able to tune out and brood mentally.
"…in."
"Rin!"
I snapped my head up. "What?"
My friend Miku Hatsune, the skinny girl with the pigtails was staring at me. She was popular, dating a jock and had so many other girls in her clique, but for some reason she still included me, Miss Melancholy. I'll never understand, mostly because she's not a very nice person in general. She probably felt sorry for me. I would actually call her more of an accomplice than a friend. I could never get involved in her talks and complaints of trivial stuff. Like none of the emojis on her iPhone having blue hair.
"Can you like, stop?"
"Stop what?"
"Being so…depressed! You haven't touched your burger, you're looking down and sighing and you're like totally bumming me out."
I just realized that my lunch was cold. I didn't know why Miku was so irritable; I did this all day every day.
"So? I'm tired, okay?"
"Rin, girlfriend, you've been moody ever since fourth grade. You're embarrassing me! Why can't you just smile and be happy for once?"
I'm trying, I really, truly am.
I forcefully lifted the corners of my mouth. "There, satisfied?"
"Ahh, don't do that!" Miku covered her eyes and squealed. "Happy Rin is scary!"
Miku is really two-faced. I guess she's tired of unhappy me. But I am too.
Her friends laughed, but I knew that wasn't the reason I'm unsatisfied.
Life wasn't the reason, my weird relationship with the coolest girl in school and my unattractive self weren't the reason…
So what was?
…
