Diaries of a Washed Up Princess: Cinderella
I had no idea that when my fairy godmother told me that my carriage would turn into pumpkin she was talking about my ass. Hello I'm THE princess Cinderella, well that was 63 years ago so now I just go by Cindi. A few things have changed since the golden days, for instance my hair, believe it or not, not so blonde anymore. And let me tell you, glass shoes, not a smart idea I still have scars on my feet and the arthritis is unbearable. I stick to crocs now. Oh and I am sure you want to know about prince charming, well he lost his charm a long time ago so I just call him Larry. At first I wasn't even sure about Larry, who the hell keeps a girls shoe and tries it on every girl in town? I'll tell you, a loon! But he's a prince so I just look past his crazy and smile. The other he brought me this croc he had found on the side of the road and asked if it was mine to which I had to explain "every solitary shoe you find isn't mine"! He's nuts but I love him. I still have my blue dress too, I wear it occasionally. I had to have it tailored but it still fits like a glove, well more like an oven mitt but it fits. As for my two hags of sisters, they're in the nut house. Apparently they both got Alzheimer's and started streaking through the streets. And stepmother got a nice job working for the royal family, in other words me. She's my cleaning lady. Isn't karma great? The only real hobbies I have are hanging with the girls. It's hilarious when Tinker Bell calls to hang with us. Tinker Bell a princess? Please. We used to tell her to meet us at the second star to the right and straight on till never, still cracks me up cause she would actually try to get there. She's so tiny, I'm afraid Sleeping Beauty would faint on her and it would be bye bye tinker bell. Anywho I better get back to my cooking program, Sandra Lee is starting cocktail time.
