Diaries of a Washed Up Princess: Ariel
I was a really bratty child, my father told me not to go on land but I did and I got what I wanted. Sure, I had my voice taken by an old lady with a scary face but I got it back and now I'm married to a prince, so worth it! I'm only 56, younger than all the other princesses if I might add, so I still enjoy the perks of land living unlike the old timers. Like tanning, not easy for a redheads to do but it's easier on land than 1,000 leagues under the sea. I used to be white as a ghost but now I'm tan, well orange, no, who am I kidding I'm wrinkled and crispy like a Gorton's fish stick. Those were some of the good days though, walking on the beach for the first time in my clam bra with white flawless skin, I turned some heads. Now when I try to go to the beach in my clam bra Eric won't even let me out the castle doors he says I look like E.T. in a bikini and no one should see that. I am also a really big fan of watching TV, I love Glee. Finn is my absolute favorite character. Me and Melody watch it every Tuesday while Eric goes out with the Princes for Starbucks. Eric can't stand music anymore, after years of my random song singing he wished that Ursula had just kept my voice. I don't really have much else going on now, Melody is at cooking school in Japan learning how to make sushi, which I consider to be cannibalism, and Eric is on his boat most of the time. Besides the gals my only friends are a fish and a crab, sad right? I'm not as close with the girls since the Princess Tea Debacle of 2003. They decided they were tired of the normal finger sandwiches and they wanted to switch up tradition so naturally Mulan had to speak up. Mulan suggested we try a place called Rusan's and I'm a very open person so I went willingly. But nothing could have prepared me for what was about the happen. FISH, everywhere, eel, octopus, tuna, salmon, all chopped into pieces. My eyes began to roll into the back of my head but before they could I saw something blue and yellow on Snow White's plate. It was Flounder's cold dead body. He was half eaten but his eye was still there and it was peering into my soul, it was awful. I ran out and didn't show up to tea for about a year. Anyway, I try to forgive and forget but it's hard when one of your friends eat another one of your friends. Oh my gosh, I just remembered it's Tuesday, I got to go tan before tonight, Finn has a solo!
