Note: I just needed to get this out. It's been haunting me for the longest time. Most of my readers have probably noticed that the last time I even wrote a story let alone a chapter was nearly a year ago. The past year I went throuh was the toughest shit I've ever had to deal with. I know that it seems like the usual life stuff. But unless you have been through this, it hurts. Bad. My greatest friends in the world who I considered sisters, turned their backs on me and bullied me for the rest of my school year. During the summer I met the most important person of my life, Mitch. I loved him so much it hurt. Up until November it got really bad. We had a fight and it resulted in me getting depressed. Though it only takes people a couple of weeks to recover from a heartbreak but not me. It's been months and I still cry about it. Many people have been asking me what's happened and if they could do anything to help. As much as I appreciate the concern, I still need time. I am very...fragile as you call it. I am back to doing my favorite hobbies such as writing and drawing, but I don't put my heart into it anymore. My best friend Lexi told me that writing a story about it is a good way to go but I'm not so sure.
This is an AU story. Nothing to do with the Vampire Academy world or anything. Please no flaming or bad messages to me. This is all told in Rose's point of view. The story is what actually happened that day, and although some of it may seem a little overboard, I did not tweak this story. I typed it down perfectly from my memory. I did not overreact on certain parts, as this is 110% truth.
How fucked up is it that I can remember this so clearly yet I can't remember what I had for breakfast this morning?
I don't own anything...
'Call me whenever you have the time...'
I stared down at the text appearing on my phone. What does this mean? Does Dimitri wish to take me back? Or will it possibly mean that it's forever done?
The memories from this morning and last night came back to me, hitting me full force, the tears coming down as I could not control them. But I felt no pain, only the numbness that came after crying my eyes and heart out.
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"The A-Band and the I-Band both come from the muscle and..." Blah blah blah blah blah. When will the damn teacher just shut her mouth and let me take the notes? A buzz from my pocket pulled me from my imagination of me torturing the teacher, and took out my phone.
'You better find a good apology of what you did last night. I had to have my family and Tasha try to cheer me up for at least the start of the day.'
I frowned at the text, I remember last night. The one time I couldn't hold back and was forced to tell the truth, the truth that he's been wanting me to say. The one that broke my promise I made to him so long ago.
I text back, 'Can't text in class right now. Very busy.'
Almost instantly another buzz comes from my pocket, that's the fastest he's ever text me.
'That's never stopped you before now has it? Tell me Rose. I'd REALLY like to know!'
The tears were already threatening to fall. No. Not now...
'Please not now...I'm very sorry. But I need to do my test.'
Another buzz...
'wow...just wow...so you're telling me, that you can't txt for even a SECOND?'
One tear fell. And unfortunetly the start of the many that started to fall. One right after the other. I glanced up at the teacher only to see that she's on her computer. Taking the advantage, I click the contacts and check my mom's name.
'Mom?'
'yes?'
'Please tell him to wait for me to talk to him after school. I can't do it right now.'
'k'
I shut the phone and close my eyes. I shouldn't have done that. He's going to be so pissed. A few minutes later the same buzz erupted me from the test.
'U told your mother to tell me to back off? r you stupid?'
'Not now in school Dimitri. Plz, at least wait til the end of school hours.'
I shut the phone and shakily put it in my pocket. I then pick up my pencil and resumed my test.
Another hour goes by and nothing. Not a word. Maybe he thought that he should wait. On my way to third hour the buzz came by again and I was scared to look at it. Should I? Or should I wait til the end of the class period? Before my head had the chance to think, my hand instinctively reached for the phone, and I saw the dreaded words only for a second before more and more texts showed up.
'I can't believe you Rose! How could you be so stupid to cut yourself? You promised me, PROMISED ME that u would never cut yourself again as long as u r dating me. I warned u that if u did I would consider breaking up with u. Just because a few things got out of hand you do this to yourself? What did I do to deserve this? I'm seriously thinking of ending it with you and blocking off all communications with you. You better have a god damn reason for me to stay with you. I'm at my breaking point Rose.'
Drip. Drip. Drip.
Shit! No! Not now! Please not now!
The tears fell rapidly down my cheeks. Luckily we were watching a movie on the adventure of Lewis and Clark, and that I sat in the back of the class, where no one saw my pitiful attempts to wipe away the tears.
Beside me the door to the class opened, and a guy who looked like a senior came in, holding a yellow note and giving it to the teacher. Mr. Webber looked at it for a moment.
"Rose, it's for you." He called. My heart dropped. Why was the note for me? I got up, every eyes on my as I walked to the front of the class to claim the note. The words "Rose Hathaway, Room A-120, Report to Counselor's Office. 9:12 A.M. Signed, LDouglas."
The trip to the counselor's office was short, and so was the talk.
"So, Rose," Mr. Campitelli started, "Your mom called me this morning. Said that your boyfriend was giving you a hard time." All I could do was nod my head.
He sighed, "She also told me that you cut yourself last night as a result of a fight between you and your boyfriend." I flinched, a lump the size of a golfball stuck in my throat.
"I understand that this is not new for you. You cut yourself before, something about your friends leaving you is that right?" I nodded again and he continued, "And I'm guessing that they were very close indeed. But you're not here for me to talk about that. You're here because I wanted to tell you that what you did. Not very many people have the guts to tell anyone about their cutting, let alone their parents. But you did. And I'm glad that you did."
That's right. I cut myself after Lissa and Christian and Eddie all left me. That was when I alienated myself from everyone, which turned into envy, then to loneliness, then to emptiness, then nothing. A friend suggested the cutting, saying that it would make me feel better. The only thing it did was make me regret the decision more over anything else in my life. But it continued up until one day I was at the lake, and my sister was swimming when she saw my wrist and said, "Rose, what's that on your wrist? Did you trip on the way down here?" I felt disgusted for the first time in my life. I only smiled in return and said to her, "No, remember when I was pulling those large weeds in the backyard? That's what happened." And the conversation dropped. I stopped myself from cutting and began to recover. But things only got worse from there.
"I know," I said. "When I did cut, it was like an alarm went off in my head. And I was immediately reminded of my sister. She was the reason I stopped. She didn't need to see that." I stopped myself there. It was too much...
"I see." He kept asking me the same as usual. Why did I return to cutting, why me and Dimitri fought..everything.
"As much as I would love to continue this, I have a dental appointment. So Rose," He looked at me very intently, "If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to come here and talk to me. Ok?" I nodded. "Good."
I left his office, feeling slightly better knowing that someone here will at least hear me out. The third hour was over and I headed to my fourth hour class. But as I was nearing towards the J-Building entrance, the buzz from my pocket came. Panicking again, I braced myself for whatever he was going to say.
'I can't do this anymore Rose. It's done. We're done. I can't have a girlfriend who can't even tell me the truth, let alone what she's doing throughout her day. You told me that you would change if I gave you time. I gave you more than enough time. Yet you couldn't do it. You felt insecure about yourself and I was always there to make sure that you felt happy with yourself. I told you you were beautiful and gorgeous but nothing I say ever makes it to your brain does it? Our parents despise each other yet we were still together. Only difference? We're not together anymore. I'm done Rose. From now on I want nothing to do with you. Erase me from your life. Good bye Rose. Consider me gone and out of your life. Belikov.'
That was the end of me. Just a few steps short from the entrance I stopped, leaning against the wall to stop myself from falling over. The sounds of the air was filled with my dry sobs. I clutched the phone closely to my chest, praying, hoping that this was my imagination and that he would text me saying, "I love you."
With all of my effort, I walked into the building, going into the bathroom. I looked like a mess. My red eyes and hollow cheeks from not eating well the past couple of days stared back at me. A few minutes passed and I cleaned myself up, preparing myself for the next class. I would be 10 minutes late, but I didn't care.
Walking down the hall I clutched the phone tight again in my pocket. The door to my CNA class came closer and closer. Grabbing the handle, I took a deep breath and opened the door, clearing my face of all emotions as usual and headed to the back to get my book. That short trip to the back became my undoing again, and the tears fell.
I don't know how long I spent back there, bawling my eyes out before the teacher found me, sitting against the bottom cabinets looking at my phone desperately. She took me into her office and talked to me, only to have me cry even harder trying to explain it. Only a few words managed to get out before she stopped me by hugging me telling me she was sorry. I nodded my head and held onto her tightly.
"Stay after class so you can get catched up alright? I didn't know you were in the back of the class until I noticed that Larriet didn't have a partner for the lab." She smiled, trying to bring humor into the conversation. She hugged me again, "He's a jerk for doing that to you. I don't know him personally but what he's done to you now makes me angry at him. You're one of my best students Rose, and I hate to see my students like this. You can stay in here for a while to calm down and when you're ready you can come out." I nodded.
As soon as she was gone I took out my phone.
'Mom, can you pick me up?'
'What happened?'
'He dumped me. Over a text message.'
'Good for you! you don't need him sweety. I'll be up to come and get u.'
I smiled slightly and noticed that we only had five minutes of class left. I stood up and opened the door, walking to my seat to take my place next to Larriet, another good friend of mine.
Everyone, noticing my red eyes, didn't need to ask what happened. They heard me through the door. Larriet hugged me from beside me and Kyra put her hand on my back, soothing me. I smiled at them sadly, before taking out my books and taking whatever notes were on the overhead.
After the bell rang and I finished my work, my name was called on the intercomm.
"Rose Hathaway please come to the office. Rose Hathaway please come to the office."
The trip took forever but I eventually made it. My mom was waiting in the chairs, with a small slip in her hand. It wasn't just an excuse note, it was a check out slip. I was being checked out for the rest of the day.
"Go in the explorer. I'll take care of your work for your classes." She said, turning to the attendance lady.
I solemnly made my way to the car. As soon as the door closed I let it all out. I hugged my bag up to my chest and cried my heart out. My screams were muffled by the bag, though I was sure my mom could hear it when she came out. The door opened, and I stopped myself.
"I was going to take lunch out to your dad. Do you want to come? Or do you want to be dropped off at home?" I shook my head.
"I'll go to lunch with you guys. I don't want to be alone right now." I choked on the last words. She nodded sadly, and we were driving off to meet my dad. Usually I sat in the front, but this time I sat in the back.
"Can you turn on the radio?" I asked.
"Sure thing hun."
Hun...
That's what he called me...
The tears threatened to come out again.
She pressed the FM button and a song I immediately recognized came on.
Look around, it's dead at night
You've been losing every fight
You're hope is, feeling broken
You're feet are rough, they're scraped and bruised
But still have strength to take you through,
Into,
The dark
Ironic, this is exactly how I was feeling. I looked out the window, wanting to forget everything that happened today.
(Chorus)
Just close your eyes
And push right through
I know it's tough right now
This was meant for you
When the clouds are gone
Not a shadow in sight
You'll be drenched in the sun
With open eyes
I'd never get to hear him say "I love you Rose." or waking up in the morning to text him, "Good morning babe." Just the thought of that clenched my insides. I felt like I was suffocating.
(X4)[Woah-oh-oh]
At the beach, the waves will crash
Tuck and grab and pull you back
The sun may, be covered in gray
The sand will itch, itself may burn
Hurricane will take it's turn
Until,
The dawn
The drive took forever to get out to where my dad worked. Shit. He had yet to find out.
(Chorus)
Just close your eyes
And push right through
I know it's tough right now
This was meant for you
When the clouds are gone
Not a storm insight
You'll be drenched in the sun
With open eyes
I took out my ipod and went to facebook. Account settings. Relationship status. I stopped there. What if he changes his mind later on? What if he wants to stay together? No. He wouldn't want me after what happened. I clicked the box, and tapped 'Single', then pressed 'Save.'
(X2)So close your eyes, shut them tight
Let it be, and it will fade away (fade away)
Push on though the strength in you
Let it be, and wish it all away (all away)
I did it. No going back now. My mom's phone rang. Crap. I forgot she recieves my posts from facebook on her phone. I already knew what it said, because she looked at me in the rear view mirror for a brief moment before turning her attention back to the road.
With open eyes,
Open wide,
It's all good now, watch it fade away,
Day by day
Just close your eyes
And push right through
I know it's tough right now
This was meant for you
When the clouds are gone
Not a storm insight
You'll be drenched in the sun
With open eyes.
The drive home was very silent. The occasional hiccups coming from me were the only sounds proving I was in the car with her.
We got home and I went straight to my room. The hours went by and I prayed that I will recieve a text from him. So I text my best and only friend Lexi.
'What do I do now?'
'what do u mean?'
'Dimitri and I r no longer together. It's only been a few hours and I miss him like crazy.'
'then talk to him.'
'He doesn't want to talk to me let alone hear from me.'
'hold on..'
At her last words I grew suspicious. She's not going to talk to him is she?
The familiar buzz snapped me out of my thoughts. Thinking it was Lexi, I was going to ask what she was doing...only it wasn't Lexi. It was him.
'hey'
What. The. Fuck. "Hey?" Slightly angry I didn't say anything.
'...' I text back. Childish but I couldn't help it. Not after what he said.
'lexi called me. she said you wanted to tell me something?'
I narrowed my eyes dangerously. Lexi! Ignoring him for the moment I took the time to text Lexi instead.
'What did you say to him?'
'*whimpers* i told him that you wanted to talk to him. and that u miss him.'
'Great. Just great! Now he's expecting a sappy bullshit apology from me! Why Lexi? Why!'
'i-i-i'm s-s-orry. i just thought that y-you guys need to talk it out.'
I felt terrible. She only wanted to help and this is how I repay her. I mentally slapped myself. Some friend I am.
'*sigh*'
'r u mad at me?'
'I can never be mad at you Lexi. It's just, even though he text me, I don't know what to say to him.'
'u'll think of something. you always do. good luck rose. call me later.'
As I was texting back a reply another text popped up, this time from him again.
'um...hello? lol...'
'...what do you want?'
'well since you wanted to talk to me i though that u would do so. but if you have nothing to say, as usual, i'll just be going.'
'..k...'
'Rose...'
'...'
'plz say something?'
'I thought you weren't going to talk to me.'
'well idk.'
'K well...i guess bye then.'
'wait.'
'What?'
'could u um...take a picture of the cuts? they weren't too deep were they?'
What? What would he want the pics for?
'K. I'll take the pic. Just one and that's it.'
'k.'
While I was taking the picture I couldn't help but wonder, why? Why would he want to see a picture of the cuts I marked on myself? The moment I sent the pic I regretted it. I didn't text anything to Dimitri for a few minutes. I didn't really know what I wanted to say to him. My phone vibrated in my pocket.
'...remind me to never trust you with a pizza cutter lol...'
'...'
'call me whenever you have the time.'
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I looked up at the clock. '8:59' Maybe I should call now. I dialed in his number.
The sounds of the beeps shook the phone but the sound of my heart starting to beat, blocking out every sound near me.
"Hello?" He picked up.
"It's me." I replied.
I was only met with silence that stretched for minutes. The sound of his long sigh echoed in my ear and I braced myself yet again for the second time again that day.
"You have no idea how pissed I am at you right now Rose. I am pissed to the point where I deleted every photo of you in my phone. I even threatened my friends that if they ever mentioned you or said your name, I wouldn't talk to them again. That's how mad you made me..." His anger went through the phone, and although I should've been hurt by this, I could only feel a certain happiness that I heard his voice again. As fucked up as it sounded.
"My father is mad at your mom. Why did you tell her Rose? You could've told me or text me that you would talk later. But no. You bring your mom into this and she calls me telling me to leave you alone. The reason my dad is mad is that instead of telling my parents she told me to back off. That just proves how immature she is.
I don't care if you were crying in your classes, I don't care that I broke up with you over a stupid fucking text message." Another stab to my heart.
"You need to know this and you need to know this now. I could be sleeping right now from all the hard work I did today. I almost passed out from the dust and the fumes from the chemicals in the air. I could be resting in my bed right now, but no. Instead here I am, talking on the phone, wasting my time...with you." As stupid as I was I didn't say anything. I just let him say what he wanted.
"You told me that you would never cut yourself again. You even promised! But as usual, you broke those promises. I looked at the picture you sent me. There are several cuts on your arm. Why seven? Is it for the number of letter's in my name? Is it?" Where in the hell did he get that idea? I would never...
"Hmm..since you broke your promise to me, why don't I break one of mine to you? What should I write? Oh I know!" He said sarcastically. "How about the words, "ROSE'S FAULT" on there? It should be pretty nice. At least it'll be a reminder of why I was so stupid to fall for you."
By this time I couldn't handle it, I interrupted him, "You don't mean it! This is just the anger talking! You don't mean it..." The last part was a whisper.
"I mean every word of it. Why don't you encourage me to do it Rose? I should do it huh?"
I shook my head frantically, although he could not see it.
"Whenever I broke up with a girl I told them if I could give five reasons as to why I broke up with them in the first place, I would possible conside taking them back. But with you?" He scoffed. "I could give more than a hundred. Shall I start naming the list? Well since you're silent I'll just go ahead.
1. You never keep your promises.
2. You broke your promises.
3. You kept things from me.
4. You were never honest.
5. You're too scared to even do the simplest things.
..."
The list kept going on and on. Each reason he added was another jab to my already shattered heart.
"Let's count that up. That comes up to 17 reasons. If a girl has more than 10 there is not a chance I would take them back. I've never had a girl go up passed 15. You would be the first.
Let's face it Rose. I live in Florida. You live in Arizona. I'm 18 and you're 16. I could get arrested for dating a minor even though it's not physically! I'm not going to risk my life for anyone else. Not even for you. At first I was determined but now I decided you're not worth it.
After this talk Rose, I'm blocking your phone. I'm blocking everything that has to do with you. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I don't ever, ever want to hear from you again or ever talk to you again. From now on, you're no better than my exes."
By now I was fully crying. The tears never stopped and my chest was heaving heavily. How could somebody you love be so cruel?
"So goodbye Rose. Send my condolences to the next person you decide to date." And the phone went dead.
I don't know how much time had passed, it could've been minutes...hours but only one thing invaded my mind.
I've lost him...
I've lost him forever.
I wouldn't be picking up the phone in the morning to hear him say, "I love you."
I wouldn't be getting a text before a test saying, "Good lucky bby you're going to need it! I love you so much."
I wouldn't hear from him anymore...
All that could be heard from my room was my wailing. I don't care who heard, the only thing on my mind was Dimitri. Despite all he said, I still loved him with all my heart...
I went to bed that night, with him appearing in my dreams and only saying one thing, "I love you Rose."
I admit, I bawled my eyes out typing this. It hurt to recall those, but I needed to get it out. I never cried much before I met Mitch, and now? I cry every single day. I don't really care how this is viewed. Many people wanted to know what happened, well, you got it. Lately he has been calling me and texting, but now I want to be how I used to be; not giving a flying shit about what people thought of me. It's a long and painful process, but I'm one step closer everyday.
~Halloween265
