Vamps Bust a Rhyme

or Epic Rap Battles of Vamp History: Carlisle v. Aro

by SqueakyZorro

for Fandom4Preemies

in honor of L., N., and M.,

my own three wonderful preemies

Disclaimer: All characters and recognizable elements of the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer. Epic Rap Battles of History belongs to Nice Peter and EpicLloyd and may be found on YouTube as well as their own web site: epicrapbattlesofhistory(dot)com

Bettigefecht did an amazing banner for this - please do yourself a favor and check it out: i1124(dot)photobucket(dot)com(slash)albums(slash)l571(slash)SqueakyZorro(slash)Banners(slash)VBAR(dot)jpg

~VBaR~

There they all were: aligned opposite each other across what had last served as a battlefield. Would it serve the same purpose today? The Volturi came, seeking to expand their power. The Cullens stood, striving to defend their family.

Carlisle

Aro, my old friend, it's been centuries -
Now you come like I'm your worst enemy!
You should know me better than that,
so I can guess where your head's at.
My family's all about love and joy;
You just want another toy.
Since you have no heart, I'll give you a tip:
My children are not bargaining chips.

Aro

You don't have a clue what it takes to rule!
You and your coven are "veggie" vamp fools.
Drinking animals has made you weak -
You can't con me with that "family" mystique.
The Volturi've ruled for over a thousand years
By recruiting the best, so don't you dare sneer.
I do what I must for the good of us all,
so follow my lead or prepare to fall.

Carlisle

The "greater good" you dare to invoke?
How surprising—I didn't know you could joke!
You care only for power, not for good,
Your very own sister you burned like wood.
As for weak, I'm quick, smart, and hunt in the wild;
Heidi brings your meals like you're a little child.
Who's really strong? Take a good look and see -
You're petrified and cloudy-eyed—it's obviously me!

Aro

I've had enough of this—no more time to waste.
Jane, if you will, please give them a taste!

Carlisle

Laughing so loud, dude, Jane can't touch us!
Bella's all over it—just stop this fuss.
Get back to Italy where you belong!
If you're lucky, we will leave you alone.

The battle over, the Volturi retreat. The Cullens turn their attention to more important matters—like mates and demon babies and whether there's an irritable grizzly anywhere close by.

~VBaR~

A/N: All three of my children were premature. My oldest was born at 35 weeks, and my twins were born at just under 32 weeks. This charity is thus understandably close to my heart. Since my contribution is in their honor, I asked them for ideas about what I should write. They immediately played me some of the Epic Rap Battles of History videos, and my eyes were opened to the hilarity. My daughter in particular helped come up with the idea for this scene, and I owe her.

Me being me, I couldn't resist doing some research, so I looked up some info on rap battles. The custom of an exchange of rhyming insults and boasts goes back to at least the fifth century. It was called flyting and was common from the fifth to the sixteenth centuries, and similar customs have been common in cultures all over the world. Its current incarnation as a rap battle likely started in the 1970s but came to prominence in the early 1980s. Finding that folks from ancient Greece to Norse gods to medieval Japan and Europe to the Inuit of North America had engaged in similar battles was fascinating.

Thank you so much for contributing and helping the littlest babies! If you missed the fundraiser, you can always go to the March of Dimes web site and donate. :)