Do not own the song or characters!

Slippy = S

Falco = F

(Falco walks into the living room part of the Great Fox and sits down onto a chair)

F: Ah, all alone at last. Cold beer in my hand, Sports Illustrated magazine, Fox and Krystal out on a date, Peppy visiting his daughter, and Slippy… uh… (thinks for a minute) who knows? Anyway, this is the life. Nothing can ruin this day.

(Just then, Slippy walks in)

S: Hi Falco!

F: (annoyed) Hello Slippy.

S: You'll never guess what happened to me today. So, I met this guy down at the Cornerian plaza right? Anyway, he was smiling and talking to me…

F: (sarcastically) Yeah Slippy, nice story.

S: Anyway, he was being really nice to me, but I think that he was coming on me. He might have thought that I was gay. Isn't that funny?

F: So? What do I care if you met a gay guy down on Corneria. Why would I care? Why should I care, because I don't! That's why. (goes back to reading magazine)

S: Well, jeez Falco. I was just telling you. You don't have to be all defensive about it.

F: (yelling) I'M NOT BEING DEFENSIVE! Look, I don't care what you did, now go away you annoying frog. I'm trying to read. (goes back to reading)

S: Sorry Falco. I just thought it could have been something that we could've talked about.

F: (speaking at a fast pace) I have nothing to say Slippy. This conversation is OVER!

S: Yeah, but…

F: OVER!

*If You Were Gay background music starts playing*

S: Fine Falco, but just so that you know… (singing) If you were gay, that'd be ok. I mean, c'mon, hey, I'd like you anyway.

F: (looks up at him with a twisted expression)

S:…because you see, if it were me, I'd feel free to say 'Hey', but I'm not gay! (smiles)

F: Slippy, I'm trying to read! (goes back reading while Slippy stares at him)

*10 seconds later*

F: (Slippy continues to stare) …. WHAT?

S: If you were queer…

F: *scoffs*

S: I'd still be here. Year after year, because you're dear to me.

F: (getting mad)

S: And I know that you…

F: What?

S: …would accept me too! If I told you 'Hey guess what, I'm gay' except I'm not gay! I'm happy, to be here with you…

F: Shut up, Slippy…

S: So what does it matter to me (grabs 3 photos) what you do in bed with guys? (shows photos to Falco. Separate, normal photos of Fox, Wolf, and Leon)

F: (horrified) Slippy, that's disgusting!

S: If you were gay, I'd shout 'Hooray!'

F: I'm not listening. (covers ear holes)

S: And here I'd say…

F: LALALALALALALALA!

S: I wouldn't get in your way. Because you can count on me, because I would always be…

F: I'm serious Slippy, shut the hell up!

S: … Besides you everyday, to tell you 'It's ok', you were just born that way. It's in your DNA, Your gay!

F: (shouting) I AM NOT GAY!

*pause*

S: If you WERE gay.

F: (screams and walks away) Freaking stupid, idiot toad!