Do not own the song or characters!
Slippy = S
Falco = F
(Falco walks into the living room part of the Great Fox and sits down onto a chair)
F: Ah, all alone at last. Cold beer in my hand, Sports Illustrated magazine, Fox and Krystal out on a date, Peppy visiting his daughter, and Slippy… uh… (thinks for a minute) who knows? Anyway, this is the life. Nothing can ruin this day.
(Just then, Slippy walks in)
S: Hi Falco!
F: (annoyed) Hello Slippy.
S: You'll never guess what happened to me today. So, I met this guy down at the Cornerian plaza right? Anyway, he was smiling and talking to me…
F: (sarcastically) Yeah Slippy, nice story.
S: Anyway, he was being really nice to me, but I think that he was coming on me. He might have thought that I was gay. Isn't that funny?
F: So? What do I care if you met a gay guy down on Corneria. Why would I care? Why should I care, because I don't! That's why. (goes back to reading magazine)
S: Well, jeez Falco. I was just telling you. You don't have to be all defensive about it.
F: (yelling) I'M NOT BEING DEFENSIVE! Look, I don't care what you did, now go away you annoying frog. I'm trying to read. (goes back to reading)
S: Sorry Falco. I just thought it could have been something that we could've talked about.
F: (speaking at a fast pace) I have nothing to say Slippy. This conversation is OVER!
S: Yeah, but…
F: OVER!
*If You Were Gay background music starts playing*
S: Fine Falco, but just so that you know… (singing) If you were gay, that'd be ok. I mean, c'mon, hey, I'd like you anyway.
F: (looks up at him with a twisted expression)
S:…because you see, if it were me, I'd feel free to say 'Hey', but I'm not gay! (smiles)
F: Slippy, I'm trying to read! (goes back reading while Slippy stares at him)
*10 seconds later*
F: (Slippy continues to stare) …. WHAT?
S: If you were queer…
F: *scoffs*
S: I'd still be here. Year after year, because you're dear to me.
F: (getting mad)
S: And I know that you…
F: What?
S: …would accept me too! If I told you 'Hey guess what, I'm gay' except I'm not gay! I'm happy, to be here with you…
F: Shut up, Slippy…
S: So what does it matter to me (grabs 3 photos) what you do in bed with guys? (shows photos to Falco. Separate, normal photos of Fox, Wolf, and Leon)
F: (horrified) Slippy, that's disgusting!
S: If you were gay, I'd shout 'Hooray!'
F: I'm not listening. (covers ear holes)
S: And here I'd say…
F: LALALALALALALALA!
S: I wouldn't get in your way. Because you can count on me, because I would always be…
F: I'm serious Slippy, shut the hell up!
S: … Besides you everyday, to tell you 'It's ok', you were just born that way. It's in your DNA, Your gay!
F: (shouting) I AM NOT GAY!
*pause*
S: If you WERE gay.
F: (screams and walks away) Freaking stupid, idiot toad!
