The deadline for presenting our community service projects is in three days. Finally it hit me. I would raise money for a small leukemia foundation. Now I wasn't sure if this was the best idea. My parents weren't pleased when I went to them about it. My sister, Ashley, died of Acute lymphocytic leukemia almost four years ago. They don't want me to get hurt. I made an appointment with the head of the foundation, Laurie Naylor, for tomorrow. The foundation doesn't use money to sponsor research for the most part but uses it to pay for treatments. What if I screw this up? What if I can't plan an amazing fundraiser/benefit? I really need to calm down. I'm getting obsessive now. I'll just go to bed and then wake up. It'll be tomorrow by then and I can just go to the appointment.

Mornings aren't a good time for me. I generally get up ten minutes late and precede to fall out of bed and onto my face. Today was no different. I scrambled into the bathroom to change. I couldn't be late. My hair looked like I hadn't brushed it in weeks which is a pattern with me. I brushed my teeth as I put on my jeans. I threw on a random tank top that seemed clean. I brushed my hair while I found and put on my hi-tops. It was 10:15. I have to be there at 10:30. I have time to walk there. I looked in the mirror to make sure I hadn't forgotten something. My hair look nicer now though I still wasn't used to the new style. I had decided to give myself a haircut, a rather ragged bob. It turned out less Amelie than I had hoped, the black hair dye probably hadn't helped my new haircut out much either. I could here my parents talking in the kitchen when I walked down stairs. They were discussing something about their art gallery. They owned an art gallery in Memphis. I snuck towards the front closet to get my bag and coat. It was still a bit chilly in the mornings. But in a few hours it would be about 70 degrees. I loved spring in Memphis. It was the middle of April and not too warm yet. I pulled on a simple black military style blazer. It made my outfit more appropriate. I slung my messenger bag over my shoulder and headed out. My mind was racing. Soon enough though I was there.

What went on between Laurie Naylor isn't all that important. We decided to do a music showcase to raise money for one specific person. His name was Travis. He was 17 and had Acute lymphocytic leukemia. He was going to get a bone marrow transplant once he found a donor. The problem was his parents couldn't pay for all of it. Even with insurance the surgery is expensive and so is all the treatments that Travis will need afterwards. I get to meet Travis this afternoon for lunch. Laurie told me that he loves music which is why we decided to do a music showcase. Well that and I know a good amount about music. I absolutely love it. I'll listen to everything but I'm not too fond of most rap and pop from recent years and even some rock as of late because it all sounds the same.

Travis and I hit it off. He was sweet and knew all these bands that were obscure but innovative. In only a few short weeks we had planned the showcase and become best friends. I could tell him anything and he could tell me anything. He was scheduled to get a transplant the same day as the showcase. In two days he would go into the hospital to make sure he didn't have an infection so he could actually have the transplant. We were sitting in my basement listening to a Broken Social Scene's cd You Forgot it in People. I remember he looked a little distant.

"Travis, what's wrong?"

"What if I'm still sick after the transplant? What if things go bad?" I couldn't look at him. I felt sick. I hadn't let myself think about Travis being gone.

"You'll be fine. You want to know how I know? I couldn't live without you. Not anymore. Travis, two best friends are really two people sharing a single soul. That's you and me. I'm just as worried as you are but let's not think about it." I wasn't lying about that I couldn't live without him. Still, I didn't know anymore than he did if he would live. That was one of the worst feelings I had ever felt.

"Geez Parks I didn't know you felt that way. I mean I wasn't sure you thought of me as your best friend even though I thought of you as mine. You'll do great at the showcase. I'm so bummed that I'll miss it."

"You won't miss it. I'm taping and recording the entire thing for you. I even got a surprise guest to come."

"Who? Parker you have to tell me."

"That would ruin the surprise. Plus if I don't tell you, you'll have to wake up. You'll never die without knowing." Travis smiled at me and that was it. I knew that even if he did die I'd have these moments but I really wanted more like them.

The night of the showcase was here and I was anxious. I was going to actually perform. I was the last act. I would perform right after Broken Social Scene. On some fluke they were in Memphis for two days on their small club tour. They decided this was a worthwhile cause. I knew Travis would be overjoyed. That's why I raced to the hospital after the showcase. I knew I couldn't see him until morning but I needed to be there. I barely slept that night or the next few nights. Eventually they said his body was still weak but had accepted the bone marrow. That day we watched the tape of the showcase. He nearly crushed me when he hugged me. I was on cloud nine. That sounds so lame and cliché but Travis was going to be okay. My best friend was going to live. I wouldn't be losing him anytime soon.

As suddenly as that happiness came it was taken away. Travis had pneumonia and he wasn't doing well. His body was still incredibly weak and couldn't fight the infection. He just keeps getting worse. He says he'll be fine but he can't promise that. Not really. I went to school one Friday and was late getting to the hospital that night. His parents looked oddly calm.

"Mrs. Strong has anything happened?" I couldn't help but dread her response.

"Oh darling, the doctors say he won't live through the night. He's slipped into a coma last night. I think he's waiting for you to say goodbye." I couldn't fathom what was going on. There was so many things we hadn't done. We hadn't gotten to see a summer together or a winter. He would never go to college like he wanted. He wouldn't do so many things. I walked towards his room and it was like walking in a dark tunnel because I didn't know what was waiting. He looked so pale and small lying in that bed. He'd never looked more gaunt and sick. Travis never really looked that sick. Not until he'd gotten an infection. Leukemia wasn't killing him. A stupid infection was. Something anyone else could fight off. I grabbed his hand and held it in my own as I sat by his bed.

"Travis I wish this wasn't how things happened. I wish we could have more time. Even if only a little. There's too much we don't know. I've had you for a six weeks. That's not enough time. I don't want to say goodbye to you."

"Parks? Love you." That the last thing he said to me, or to anyone. He died an hour later. I held his hand the entire time. I didn't cry that day or the next. But then I did when it finally hit me. He was really gone. He lingered everywhere that he had ever touched. The day of his funeral I sat in the front row with his parents. His whole family was there. Friends from before he lived in Memphis and some he had while here. I didn't listen to what the priest said or even what his parents said. I stared at his grave stone. It read:

Travis Strong

February 14, 1990 - May 20, 2007

Beloved Son

"Life is too short to do nothing with it"

His parents had asked me to speak and I agreed. "Hello everyone. I don't know most of you. But I knew Travis, I knew him better than most. I met him seven weeks ago today. He became my best friend. I loved him and he's changed me. He didn't deserve to die but he appreciated life. He lived more than most people who live to eighty do. I'll never forget him. That's why I've decided to make an annual music showcase in his honor. I also want to play a certain song today because he loved it. He loved it so much. I sang it for him at the showcase. It's called Making You Happy by Ryan O'Reilly and Tyler Kyte." I cried then not like I had before. I had been crying for Travis every night because he wasn't alive but right then I cried because he was alive at least partially in me. I think he knew he would be.

I think about Travis all the time. I think about the fact that I loved him so much but did nothing about it. I know that he lives on in everyone he knew well. I know he lives on most in me. I have to live for him because his life was cut short. It's the least I can do. He left me so much of himself. He left me his cds and all the silly pictures and videos of our time together. Most importantly he left me his journal with a letter. The journal goes all the way to the day he went into a coma and starts a month before I met him. The letter says how he felt about me and how I changed him too. It explains why for the most part he never seemed scared of dying. He said he wasn't scared once he met me because he knew I'd let him live. So that's what I'm doing. I'm living so he can live too.