Pain of Loss

Chapter 1: No Process

'It was a plain old day. I had to work, and the nanny was with Scott. I had my plain old negative outlook on work, bad co-workers, lousy boss, bad income. My work pretty much ruined every positive thing awaiting for me the next few years, I had a negative outlook on life, everything that me and Scott did together that we both liked, was pretty much ruined in my mind, as I always thought ''Tomorrow I am going to have to go to work again.'' And that pretty much ruined my mood. I should have spent more time taking care and spending time with my son. I was so selfish. He was my kid, and he was hating his childhood years, cause his dad was dead, and he had a mom who worked every day, and he was stuck with a strict nanny. I so regret not having given my son a better life, he deserved it! He was such a special little boy, the cutest kid ever, and so playful. And I took it all for granted!'
Nancy, the psychiatrist of Samantha was a 47 year old woman. Nancy heard everything Samantha just said. Nancy said 'Samantha, you have to know, everything you did, was all to make sure you could keep affording the house. If you didn't work, you would have eventually ended up on the streets.'
Samantha had tears streaming down her face, in a stuttering tone she said: 'Yes, I know! But time with your child at such a young age is priceless. You can never have them back, it's the memories you make with your child at such a young age that makes it all so special to think back on later on in life. And I took it all for granted, and I don't think I will ever be able to get over it. You see a lot of people that have a psychiatrist that have problems like that they are insecure, or troubled. But nothing can compare to what the pain I have to go through. A mother losing her child is the worst, and I can't explain the feeling, you will never know that feeling of an empty feeling in your heart, and just the constant memory of that you once had a child who used to smile to you, and who used to love you. And for you to sit there, making excuses for me being the bad mother I was, is extremely stupid, as you should be blaming me!'
'Mrs., it's completely normal to have these thoughts on such an early stage of having lost your child in such a brutal manner.'
'You're doing it again! You know nothing about me! You're sitting there in your leather chair thinking you know everything. You can say all these stuff on that I couldn't have changed anything, but that isn't going to help me!' Samantha stood up, and sprinted out of the room in tears. Nancy wanted to follow her, but ended up not doing so. Nancy grabbed her notebook that she was writing in as Samantha was just talking. There wasn't any process from the last times. She always begins the story, of that fatal day. But ends up never going to the actual moment. Nancy knew it would take time, but not this much time. She simply didn't know what she had to. She completely got where Samantha was coming from. Nancy of course could not imagine the feeling that Samantha is going through. But all Nancy knew at this moment, is that she will not give up on Samantha, she will continue to help her, but how it's looking now, is not good.