If Naruto characters could speak their minds…. Total crack. Deals with straight and yaoi couples, and other absurdities.
HyperMusic12: As the author of this ridiculousness, I give ye permission to speak your minds about any problems you have with the fanfiction world! Proceed!
"What? Really?" Naruto asked, looking around. "You're not the first to do this, you know."
HyperMusic12: I know, shadup!
"Anyway, we only have Sai, Hinata, Yamato-Taichou, Iruka-Sensei, and Kaka-Sensei here. Where is everyone?"
HyperMusic12: I'm sure they'll show up.
"Why are you called HyperMusic? Are you even hyper?"
HyperMusic12: No… I'm more like a sloth, but it was a song I really liked when I created the account, so eh…
"That's just stupid and aren't you one of the perverts that writes fanfiction?! I'm sure you're no better than the rest of them!"
HyperMusic12: Mmm… I'm just as bad, but to be honest, hearing you guys complain will probably help me with future ideas for my perverted writing. Please, help me out! Onegai shimasu!
"Ugh… Wtf. Fine…"
"I actually don't have much to complain about," Sai said. "I mean, I'm not even that popular among the writers. I'm usually just a side character. The third wheel for Naruto and Sakura."
"Oi! I never asked to be paired with her! Why does my character have to be in love with Sakura?! She's super strong and great at healing, but she's obsessed with Sasuke and she beats me up for no reason! Why can't I just be with Hinata already?"
Hinata looked a little flustered, but she nodded. "That would be nice… Then maybe I would get the chance to actually finish some of my lines. I get cut off all the time..."
HyperMusic12: People pair you guys together all the time. I'm sure there are more NaruHina fans out there than NaruSakura. I'm one of them! Plus, Sakura isn't too bad…
"Che. Like it even matters!" Naruto cried. "I'm paired with a ton of different people! And why do yaoi fans keep making me an uke?! I can deal with you pairing me with Sasuke all the time, but come on! I want to be seme!"
"You have a point…" Kakashi said thoughtfully, finally closing his smut book. "Though I have the opposite problem. Everyone always makes me seme. Why can't I be uke sometimes too? Icha Icha makes it look really fun! And I don't want to be with Sakura either!""
"I could be your seme, Senpai," Yamato offered.
"Me too," Iruka said.
Kakashi's cheeks flushed. "Really…?" He asked, looking hopeful.
"We both can," Iruka said. "I don't mind sharing."
"Sharing is caring, ne?" Yamato grinned.
Kakashi blushed even more and fidgeted. "Share… me…?" He suddenly clamped a hand over his nose.
"Ah, Senpai! Is your nose bleeding?"
Iruka chuckled. "Pervert," he said, handing him a tissue.
Kakashi wiped his nose clean, looking sheepish.
"Are you up for it now?" Iruka asked Yamato.
"Yeah, sure," he said. "Come on, Senpai."
They each took a hold of an arm and started leading him away.
"By the way, Yamato… What's your real name?"
"Eh…? I…"
HyperMusic12: Good question!
Yamato hesitated. It's been so long since I've used it that I forgot! He cleared his throat. "Um… I'll tell you guys if Kakashi takes off his mask and Iruka tells us where he got his cute scar from."
"Cute…? Is it really?" Iruka asked, rubbing his finger at the line across his nose.
"Really cute," Yamato assured him.
"Is my scar cute too?" Kakashi asked, looking pouty.
"Of course!"
"The cutest, Senpai."
Kakashi beamed at them (not that they could really tell).
"Now come on," Iruka said. "I want to tie him up."
"I'm totally fine with that," Yamato said eagerly. "We should get a blindfold and whipped cream too!"
"Ah, Senpai!"
"Kakashi, if your nose keeps bleeding, you won't last the whole night."
"I'm fine! I'm fine!" He said thickly. "Let's just hurry."
"What about me?!" Gai called after them as he and Lee showed up.
"Uh… You still have me, Sensei," Lee reminded him.
Gai sighed. "But we look just alike..."
"Is no one going to question why the author just made that happen?" Naruto deadpanned.
HyperMusic12: Oops… I just love uke Kakashi…
"Hold on! Are we here to talk about our grievances?" Kiba asked as he and Shino walked in.
"Something like that," Naruto grumbled.
HyperMusic12: Welcome!
"Well, I have a few things to complain about!" Kiba growled.
"As do I," Shino said quietly. "Because I keep getting paired with Kiba."
"Hey! I'm not that bad! Anyway, why am I the slutty/kinky uke all the time?!"
"Pfft-"
"Shut up, Naruto!"
HyperMusic12: Hmm… I wouldn't really say all the time…
"You're the worst one, perverted writer!" Kiba cried. "You made Shino spank me!"
"I actually didn't mind that so much," Shino said. "You deserved to be punished."
"What the fu-"
"I got the notice you sent out," Shikamaru said. "It's too troublesome to list all the things that people have made me do… I don't mind being paired with Temari though…"
"Oh, really?" Temari called, as she and her brothers came in after him.
"Crap."
"Hehehe."
"Don't laugh!"
"I'm tired of being paired with my siblings," Gaara said dully.
"Me too!" Kankuro and Temari cried. "And Kiba and I don't look that much alike!" Kankuro added.
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," Itachi groaned as he and Kisame came in. "Do you have any idea how many times I've been paired with my brother?!"
HyperMusic12: HAHAHAHAHA
"Shut up!"
"I'd like to stop being paired with Itachi," Kisame said. "He's such a demanding uke."
"Wha- That's not my fault!" Itachi growled, his face turning as red as his eyes. "At least you get to be seme all the time!"
"That is true…"
"I'd like to be seme more!" Lee called.
"You're usually my seme…" Gaara grumbled.
"There's no way in hell you're topping me!" Neji snapped.
"I do sometimes!"
"Eight Trigrams Vacuum Palm!"
"AHHHHH!"
HyperMusic12: Neji… Please don't blast away teammates. I really like Lee!
"Hmph."
HyperMusic12: So, anyone else?
"Me, un!" Deidara snarled, dragging Sasori behind him. "I can't have sex with a puppet! That doesn't make sense!"
"It really doesn't…" Sasori said, looking quite bored with the whole thing.
"You shouldn't have made yourself a puppet then," Kankuro said. "Though it's been fun for me…"
"Oh, and why am I paired with freakin' Tobi?!" Deidara shouted. "He's an idiot! I don't even know what's under that mask!"
"Something amazing, Senpai~"
"Tobi?! When did you get here?!"
"I've been following you around all day! How can you not notice me?" Tobi wailed.
"You're paired with me a lot too," Itachi chimed in. "Slut."
"I hate you, Itachi!" Deidara screamed and Tobi had to hold him back.
"Everyone in the Akatsuki has slept with you, Deidara," Kisame reminded him.
Deidara slumps in despair. "Is it just because I have long beautiful hair?"
*Vrrrrrrr
"Is that someone's phone?"
HyperMusic12: That's mine! Moshi moshi? Pfft. Oh, hey, Sasuke… Yes… okay! It's for you, Naruto.
"Eh? Hello?"
….
"Shut up, Sasuke!" Naruto cried and hung up.
"What did he say?"
"Che. Said he would always be seme," he growled. "Bastard."
*Queue laughter*
"Shadup! Anyway," Naruto snapped. "I would also like to point out that I don't want to be paired with my mom either! That's just wrong!"
"Your mom?" Itachi deadpanned. "I thought I had it bad…"
"I know, right?!"
"Naruto… Your mom is beautiful, but you can't have her."
"Dad?!"
"That's me."
"How are you even here?"
Minato shrugged. "The author works in mysterious ways. Anyway, as adorable as Kakashi was as a kid, I'd like to stop being paired with him! Sensei's shouldn't do dirty stuff to their students!"
"People are pairing you with Kaka-Sensei?!" Naruto yelled and burst out laughing.
Minato frowned at his son.
HyperMusic12: So… Anyone else?
*Large group of Naruto characters floods into the room screaming and yelling*
HyperMusic12: Help!
I don't know where this came from (hangs head in shame). I'm sure I'll add more to it later though…
Also, totally not bashing anyone's stuff here. Fanfiction is all about creativity and doing whatever you want. Though I prefer for everyone to be at least mostly in character, I know that writers should also be able to have fun with their work. If you want your character to be OOC, then go for it! The only thing I can't stand is anything poorly written. You know, the non-legible, wtf did I just try to read stuff. I just skip it. Easy. Don't like, don't read.
Also, also, I'll be the first to admit that my stuff isn't perfect. It's just a bunch of smut, really, but I have fun with it. That's all that really matters to me.
Also, also, also… I didn't know what to rate this. I put it in M just in case...
