Summary: Captains Sparrow & Barbossa and the crew of the Black Pearl have arrived at a cave that leads to the Fountain of Youth, only to find its entrance guarded by a creature so foul and cruel, that no man yet has fought with it and lived!
Disclaimer: I don't own either Pirates of the Caribbean or Monty Python and the Holy Grail; I just enjoy writing them together.
This is one way of killing time in between writing my Big Epic PotC/Kong crossover and keeping the rest of my life in order. The idea for this story just popped into my head one day and refused to go away. Thus do I now inflict it upon you in turn. ;-)
Introduction
"Feast yer eyes, mates," said Captain Jack Sparrow. "Soon we'll be drinkin' to our respective immortalities before you can say, 'antidisestablishmentarian.'"
The crew, his rapt audience, frowned in confusion at that last word – no doubt trying to actually say it themselves – before shrugging, and then cheering enthusiastically at their Captain's words. Jack, for his part, was only too happy to bask in the spotlight he had created for himself. At last, things were the way they should be: he had had a brief scare when his ship had sailed away from Tortuga, leaving him with a dinghy instead of the magnificent galleon that was the Black Pearl. In the end, though, Barbossa had no choice but to come back and find Jack, when he realized the slippery pirate had stolen the main body of the navigational charts. Upon Jack's return aboard the Pearl, the two men, forming an uneasy truce as co-captains, had no trouble locating their mutual goal: Aqua de Vida, the Fountain of Youth, located on the legendary island of Bimini; the very island beside which the Pearl now lay anchored.
From his place at the helm, Jack turned his head to see Barbossa behind him, leaning against the railing – he flashed a forced smile his way, causing Jack to grin inwardly even more. The only thing he loved more than being Captain of the Pearl was getting under Barbossa's skin in the process.
"So, Jack," Barbossa said suddenly, "ye fancy yerself a man of valor, do you?"
Jack was caught off guard only for a moment before responding: "Course I do!" Then, after a moment: "Why would I want to be?"
Barbossa rolled his eyes as if in frustration, but couldn't contain his smug grin. "Well now, even after stealin' me charts from under me nose, it seems ye couldn't be bothered to look over them as thoroughly as I have." Satisfied with Jack's perplexed expression, he continued, now to the rest of the crew as well, who had fallen silent at this development.
"Ye see, Jack, the Fountain of Youth does lie on this here island, there be no question of that. But, to get to it we must first enter a cave; the dreaded Cueva de Conejo, the entrance of which be guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel, that no man yet has fought with it and lived!"
Several members of the crew blanched, and even Jack looked slightly less cocky than he had before. But Barbossa had not yet finished; as he spoke, his voice became increasingly manic.
"Bones of a full fifty men lie strewn about its lair! So, lads, if any of ye be doubtin' of yer courage, or yer strength, ye'd best not be goin' any further than this ship. As fer those of us goin' ashore, know now that death awaits us all...with nasty, big, pointy teeth!"
Jack blinked at his colleague's final declaration. What an eccentric performance, he couldn't help thinking to himself.
A/N: Yes, I slipped in a deliberate reference to Blackadder, just for the heck of it.
To Be Continued...
