Hello
Time for a new one again, all because I watched the S4 promo.
Going to test this idea out first, so leave a review & follow if you want more!
It will follow some of the S4 promo out, but the rest is all my wicked mind!
As always thanks to the regulars & Kelly2727 & welcome to the newbies!
Disclaimer; Nope, Rookie Blue is not mine, & neither is anything you recognize!
Warning; possible spoiler alert!
Summery: Set S4- How close have Nick and Andy become, and How far has Sam gone to move on? Why is it so hard for them to get it right, when they both know it's wrong not too? And will Sam ever tell Andy the truth about why he wanted out and what really happened when she got into trouble UC.
Chapter 1- Homecoming.
Being away for six months was exhilarating and scary at the same time, not that; that made sense to her anymore.
It had been tough, tough walking away, tough becoming someone else, and it was even worse when the lines separating the black areas from the white areas blurred, and turned everything to grey.
Her mind refused to linger on thoughts of what could have been, or what should have been, she left those behind the day she left the barn after lying to Sam and telling him that she didn't care anymore.
It was a lie, because she was hurting too much to be honest and tell him that she cared so much, that it broke her heart.
Holding her hand up to the back of her head, she let her fingers graze over the lump that had formed there, the area still tender even to her own touch. To be honest, it hurt like hell, but unlike some things, it would heal, and eventually go away.
Thankfully there was no smudge of blood across her fingertips when she pulled her hand around to look at it.
"You okay?". Noelle asked as she bent down to look Andy over eye to eye, Andy merely nodding in reply.
"Where's... Where's Nick?". Andy managed to croak out eventually, her voice groaning in reply as her mind squandered time re-running the last few hours over and over in silence, like she hadn't been there to see it happen.
"He's outside, got to keep you guys separated for now, until you've been debriefed". Noelle flashed a subtle smile, Andy's eyes still sweeping around the room as she took everything in.
"Things just got so bad, so fast...".
Andy was still stuck between shock and haziness, the blow to the back of her head making her feel really queasy when she regained consciousness to find Noelle and Oliver looming over her.
Small splotches of missing images made holes in her memories, key points not really making sense.
Everything was a jumbled mess.
"It'll come back" Noelle said as though she was reading her mind.
"Andy!".
At the sound of her name, Andy looked up to see Traci rush into the room, relief sweeping over her face as she got closer to Andy who was still sitting huddled on the floor.
"Nash". Noelle warned. She couldn't let Traci get caught up in this now, because she had been a major player in the investigation, she had to be kept out now, or things could get complicated.
"Just need to know she's okay". Traci said stopping a few feet away from them, her arms held out to the sides in innocence.
Andy nodded and managed a weak smile, "I'm okay".
Traci smiled back and left them alone again.
"Medics are on their way up". Oliver mumbled under his breath as he came back over to them. He knew that McNally would say that she was fine, and hate the idea of getting checked out, but it was going to happen and not just because it was procedure.
"I'm fine".
See, he knew her so well.
"This isn't up for discussion, it's going to happen. Noelle will stay with you".
Noelle nodded his way, his undeniable worry wrangled up in his words. He didn't need to say the exact thing that he was thinking, she had the same thought cross her mind.
Andy looked down at her hands again, red rings around her wrists marring her pale skin. But that was bound to happen when you were tied up with rope made out of course hemp fiber, something she didn't even know they used in the modern world anymore.
And she only knew this, because the rope lay next to her on the floor in a heap, it had somehow been taken off her wrists and ended up thrown on the floor next to her.
Footsteps echoed on the hard wooden floor of the bedroom, drawing their attention to Luke as he walked in wearing a defeated expression.
"You okay?". His voice was soft, Andy could hear the feint traces of remorse etched in his words.
"Yup, totally fine".
Noelle huffed out a breath, McNally was everything but fine right now.
It wasn't long after that; that Luke returned to detective mode and left Andy to survey the now crime scene.
"I really am you know, okay". Andy whispered as Noelle stood up and held out her hand deciding that Andy was okay enough to stand up off the floor and sit on the bed.
Noelle raised an eyebrow in response as Andy reached out for her hand.
"He didn't...". Andy whimpered out as she sat down on the end of the bed, Noelle sitting next to her.
"We just need to make sure you're okay".
When Andy looked up and found the medics standing in front of her, it was like reality set in.
It came crashing down around her with enough force that suddenly the last six months of her life seemed like they were worthless, it was enough to wind her.
Hours later Andy found herself signing the last forms in a mountain of paperwork.
They were back at the barn, Nick somewhere inside its walls too, after he had; had his face cleaned up and stitched at the hospital.
She had received a blow to the back of her head after he was hit in the face, something that would probably leave a scar. But it didn't matter, they were home, and safe, even though the nightmare had almost swallowed them and could very nearly never have let them go.
The thought caused a shiver to run from the base of her neck, down her spine and out to the very tips of her fingers, her hand giving a light tremor as it reached out to take the coffee that Noelle held out for her.
Noelle hadn't left her side since they found her, and how exactly that had happened was still puzzling.
The last thing she remembered was the yelling and the screaming and the shotgun waving around.
The fear that ran through her in that moment still clung marginally to her, even though she knew that the moment of danger was no longer there.
Then it was just blurry, wavy lines that couldn't be described as pictures and sounds like echoes in a tin can. Maybe voices, maybe footsteps, maybe her name. But she wasn't sure.
Andy still hadn't been allowed to see Nick, but Noelle had told her that he was okay, and that his face was pretty banged up, but he was fine.
Two words she hated - okay and fine, even though her vocabulary consisted of using those words often. They were her defense mechanism. They stopped her from saying what she really meant.
Andy felt like her head was going to unravel and split open at the seams, not even a tequila hangover was as bad as the headache she had now.
"Need a ride home?". Noelle asked, the final bridge about to be closed to the barn until Andy was back on shift after the department shrink had scrutinized her enough to clear her for active duty.
Andy nodded, slid her chair back and stood up from it ready to leave the interrogation room and find comfort between her own four walls.
Frank's words resounded through her mind as Noelle drove her home.
"No contact with Collins, no phone calls, no emails, no visits. Not until the department shrink has signed it off. Meetings with the shrink will be kept, the minimum of eight meetings to be done, two a week as already scheduled on your behalf.
No contact with Detective Nash until she has been debriefed. You will be informed when that has been concluded".
Just as Andy had turned to leave his office after nodding that she understood, Frank had added "McNally, you made us all proud" before she slipped out of the door.
It felt lonely to be cut off from Nick and Traci, and it felt like her suspension all over again - only worse.
But she had to play by these rules, because these rules decided that spending six months of her life like she had wouldn't go to waste, it wouldn't make everything become nothing, and it would make it worth while.
Finally home, Andy let out a long sigh.
Traci had kept her condo immaculate, everything clean and tidy.
Her mail was on the kitchen counter, a stack of envelopes that had probably already been taken care of by the department because they were only bills.
She dropped her bag behind the couch and kicked off her shoes, her mind finally coming to a complete standstill as it listened to the silence that filled her home.
For months she had Nicks voice to keep her company, his clothes thrown all over the tiny one bedroom apartment that they had shared.
Now her own home seemed sterile and tense.
It almost made her choke.
Sinking down on the couch, Andy allowed a river of raw emotions to spill over her in the darkness.
Emotions pent up from before she left, like sorrow and remorse and even guilt. Even anger raged through her at one point.
Sam watched Frank pull his office door closed after switching the lights off and jostling his bag around as he searched for his keys to lock the door.
He found his mind wondering if Frank would be heading home right now, eager to see his daughter if they hadn't found Andy and Collins alive.
He knew he wouldn't be leaving if they were still looking for them, but he couldn't help but wonder if he would be bumping into Frank at the Penny if things had turned out worse than they had.
Sam hadn't really seen Frank or Noelle outside of work much since Gizelle was born, but he understood why.
He felt a hand pat his shoulder his thoughts drawing to Oliver as he moved in next to Sam who was making his way out after an agonizing day.
"You did good brother". Oliver said as he stepped alongside Sam.
Sam didn't say anything in reply, what was he supposed to say to that?
"We made it in time you know" Oliver added, hoping Sam would get the full meaning behind his words.
Sam's only words to match Oliver's were "Penny?". His tone still not entirely free of the morbid tone that seemed to clutch his vocal cords for months.
"Nope, I've got the girls, so we're staying home".
Oliver walked away towards his car as soon as they reached the parking lot, he was most likely running late already.
Sam watched him drive off, giving a shake of his head for what his friend had lost.
Zoe had filed for divorce, and Oliver actually gave in and signed the papers last week after months of trying to reconcile unsuccessfully.
And it was killing Oliver slowly that he had lost his wife, but Sam was thankful that Zoe had let him still be a part of his girls lives. He wouldn't survive if he wasn't.
Even though Oliver had denied it over many conversations, Sam knew that the only reason Oliver had finally given in and signed the divorce papers was because he wanted to make Zoe happy. As wrong as it sounded, he signed because she wanted it, and he would do anything she wanted to keep her happy, even if it meant letting her go.
Kind of made him think of himself once upon a time, he mused as he opened his truck door and got in.
Sam decided to skip the Penny and headed home, the day had exhausted him and the last twenty-four hours he had been running on adrenaline, but now that it was gone; he was tired.
Really tired.
Andy snuggled into her pillows, freshly showered, her hair splurged with water droplets.
She lived on a quiet street, in a good neighborhood, the sounds of silence very different to what she had become used too recently.
There had always been traffic and footsteps on the concrete pavement outside the bedroom window.
But never silence.
She stared at the ceiling as a passing car's headlights lit the shadows across the ceiling up, through the top of the curtains.
Since the day she left, she had wondered what it would be like to come home.
What it would feel like to be in her own bed, answer to her own name and wear her uniform again.
Never in a million years did she picture this; the loneliness, the quiet.
Andy's mind flashed over Sam and the first time they met, when she had burned him and he came back from UC.
She wondered if he felt like this, although he probably hadn't been banned from his best friends like she was now.
Sam.
Something she found herself regretting in its entirety since she agreed to the spot on the task force.
Yup, she totally regretted everything; from the time they met, up until the day she walked out the barn and left in the middle of the night.
Even if there were more good time than bad, the scars that she had were ones she would never shake off, so she decided that regretting it entirely was the best option.
How had he so sentimentally said it 'If we do this, there's no going back', well there definitely wasn't any going back now, was there.
Sam had honestly occupied a majority of her thoughts when she first left, but she soon shut them out and kept them away with everything she had in her.
It hurt too much to linger on the heartbroken thoughts, so she shut them out and did what she had come to do - her job.
Now back in her own persona, there was nothing she could do to stop the onslaught of thoughts about the one man that had ever really and truly broken her heart.
Collective thoughts now roamed her mind freely, without her permission.
She had been an idealist, and naïve before she left, and honestly being under had changed her.
So had what happened the day she left.
Andy never thought she would hear Sam utter those three little words with big meaning, and when he did it was just all so wrong.
His timing was way off, and when he tried to cover it up with that lame comment about bones, Andy realized that he regretted saying them.
It might have been said in a life and death situation, or in a spur of the moment way, but truthfully - she felt it when he said them.
She knew he felt it too when he said them, his eyes couldn't lie. She just had absolutely no clue why he regretted saying them.
But that was then, that was a part of the reason she left. And this was now.
She had briefly wondered if he would be waiting when she came home, but after how they parted; she wasn't counting on it.
Sleep came fitfully to Sam, images of the day seeping their way into his blissful dreams and turning them into nightmares.
He woke up with a startle, drenched in sweat and his sheets tangled in a massive mess on his bed.
It had been a while since he had; had one, but it didn't change the fact that this one ended the same way the others had too.
Sliding out of bed, Sam made his way to the kitchen and grabbed a glass before filling it with water and gulping most of the glass down.
Shaking his head, he pinched his eyes closed and let out a loud sigh that turned into a dry chuckle.
His tongue was sweeping over the inside of his cheek and teeth, the final image of the nightmare replaying on the back of his eyelids.
Still clutching the glass Sam made it over to the couch, turned on the TV and sat down.
He knew that he wouldn't be getting any more sleep after that, so attempting it would be futile.
He would wait for a more reasonable hour, take a long run, and head over to the barn to get an early start to the day.
No point in denying that McNally still managed to make him lose sleep, even though it was enormously wrong for her to be in his dreams, or thoughts.
Settling on a sports channel, Sam got comfortable and let time tick by, McNally banned for forcing her way into his thoughts for the rest of the early morning.
Andy flipped through the channels indecisive about what to watch. Her mind was focused on Sam, then switched to Nick before sliding back over to Sam.
Now that she was allowed to let her thoughts consume her, they did, and there simply wasn't the option of ignoring them anymore.
Whenever her mind swung to Nick, a sad smile graced her lips, she could feel it tug the corners up.
Whenever her mind swept over Sam, the undeniable heartache would return and harsh words would sound in her ears.
Then she would think of how Nick had been there when Sam left her and a torrent of sadness would crash over her again.
Then she remembered what happened with Nick, and didn't quite know what to say or how to feel or...anything.
Everything was just so screwed up and complicated.
Nothing was labeled, and nothing said, so some of the labels became transparent as she tried to dissect every single event that led up to this one single moment.
But the more she dug, the more things intertwined and got tangled together.
Aaarrrggg, why couldn't life just be simple.
Okay, thanks for reading, let me know if you want more!
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Jelly Bean Jenna©
