Three little snowflakes gently dance in the icy wind.
They play, mingling in the skies, as the beautiful crystals descend and slowly melt away at the fabric of my white gloves.
It's Christmas time; little children gather around the ice rink, screaming and shouting, indulging every second of their wonderful youth. Parents shopping for the ones they love for this very special day. They know that all they need is a smile in return from their loved ones to make their day, oh so much warmer.
I stare at the dying snowflake in my hand, studying the scars on the delicate plains of the ice
"All they need is a smile from their loved ones.."
"Their loved ones.."
"Love.."
These words echo in the back of my head, ringing like a concussion. I ask myself
'Do I not deserve someone of my own to love?' Actually, to be very truthful, love seems so distant.. Like the sun hiding behind these frozen clouds in the sky, always shying away from reaching us.
I push that thought aside and continue noting things down for Christmas presents.
Now, don't get me wrong; I'm not usually someone to do things last minute, at all! However, I've had a few issues with a certain someone a few days ago. Not telling, who of course..
My eyes roll down the list, reading and promptly check off everyone's names.
I finally get to the bottom of the list, reading off the last name. My eyes widen and I hold my breath, shutting my eyes searching the farthest reaches of my brain, trying to think of something, anything, for him!
"Ohhh.. Why do you give me such a hard time Shadow..?" I moan. I can't think of anything as in a gift for him, and instead, grunt in frustration; taking my anger out on an unsuspecting cobblestone, kicking it across onto the ice rink, watching it slide away on the smooth ice.
I hear crunching sounds in the snow.. Like footsteps or something. It must be one of those kids again waiting to prank me again. Ugh, dear God, I don't have time for this! ..
"Now look-"
"I'm giving you a hard time, am I?" A voice breaks my sentence.
I turn my head around to face a black hedgehog with a questionable expression, clearly "begging" for an explanation.
Oops. Maybe I spoke a bit too loud?
My face burns red with embarrassment as I jump from my seat, startled by the sudden presence of.. Well.. Shadow!
"I-I-I-I-I didn't mean t-that! I swea-" My voice is cut off as I find myself sliding away on the ice. Apparently, I had taken more steps away than I wanted.
It's all in a fool's day's work, folks!
Shadow immediately recognized my crisis caused by my own stupidity, and reached for my arm. Grasping it, he pulled me back to the safety of my bench. Upon reaching it, I cling on for dear life; never am I skating again.
"Thanks for the save there" I steady my voice and thank him.
No response.
I try again. "I said, 'Thanks for the save-"
"I hear you, okay?!" He suddenly shot back. Geez Louis! Remind me never to pull out his quills ever again.
I slowly crawl towards the right arm rest, retreating from Shadow in case of another outburst. "Man, you're even colder than usual!"
"What did you expect? And what about you, now? You're not exactly someone who I would refer to as bright and bubbly, anymore." Shadow replies.
I start to fight back, but.. I see the emo hedgehog has a point; 14 years ago, I was an average 12 year old, always after the presumed "love of my life", Sonic the hedgehog. It wasn't until constant denial finally hit me that, that guy was definitely not made under Cupid's wing. Heck, he wouldn't go near Cupid with a ten meter pole, forget about his wing!
I raise my knees up to my face and burrow my face into it. I don't want to face giving him an answer. I don't want to cry anymore. Not anymore..
"Hey. You didn't answer me." Shadow kept persisting me to answer, and I kept resisting making any contact with his ruby eyes. That's when I finally couldn't take much more.
I realized, that no one ever asked me, all these years, about how I felt.
Is this what I've been waiting for?
Taking a chance, I raise my head, and feel two warm drops of water slide down my cheeks, the watery trail it left behind was freezing, ice cold.
"Is it raining? In December?" I asked myself. In the corner of my eye, I noticed a white gloved hand reaching out towards my face. The hand cupped my face, and turned me to face Shadow. He saw the look in my eyes. And for the first time, I actually saw emotion in his eyes.
It was 'care'.
He gently wiped away the tears from my face, and gently spoke to me, afraid he would disturb our realm of silence, as we read eachother's minds.
He pulled on a serious face again, and asked me, "Was it him, again?"
I automatically shook my head in response; no. I refuse to be heartbroken.
It's not like I care about him any more.. Right?
Wrong. I guess I never really understood myself. Throughout these years, through all this neglection, I never wanted to appear weak. I soon let myself reside from all this pain, acting all girly just for someone who doesn't even give a damn. Why should I? Now, I stopped caring about others, thinking maybe it was a waste of time, people wouldn't care about my efforts, just like they didn't care for me.
Sometimes I felt like.. "Maybe I should tell someone."
I always thought like that. But talking to Shadow? I didn't expect this at all.
I guess you just have to let go sometimes, even with the most unexpected people.
I struggle to collect my words, stuttering like a fool.
That's when.. That's when the most unexpected thing happened.
A cold white glove followed by a black arm wrapped around me.
Held me, embraced me.
Shadow pulled me in closer to his chest until I could hear his heartbeat. It felt so warm just being held by someone.
I haven't felt like this in years. I soon feel small drops of water ushering down my face, my cheeks a rosy pink, though I'm not sure whether it's from being so warm, or because I'm crying.
Wait. I'm crying?
I can't even recall the last time. But I cried tears of happiness when I reunited
with Sonic, and he gave me that rose. Little did I know, it was only a sign of friendship.
But I feel this is different. I know it is..
"You remind me a lot of how I used to be. Remember when you first met me?" He glances at the sky as if he was searching for the Space Colony ARK somewhere around us, and his vision turns back to me. " I was cold, brushing off everyone, everything. Having so much hate for mankind, and despite the fact that I accepted them after, I was still a mute, an emotionless being. I still am the same way now, nothing has changed.
But you know, it just feels that maybe I should be by you. Just for this moment. I don't know why, but a feeling overcomes me when I'm around you. I'll tell you when I know what it is though. I promise."
I stared into his eyes, he stared back, and I melted into him. This feeling of warmth, of tenderness, I don't want it just for this moment. It's selfish, but I..-
"Here."
He pulls out my hand and firmly presses something into it. A small box I think.
"Merry Christmas.." A soft grin is all he leaves behind before he disappears into the snow falling on the busy city. I sit here staring at my little box wrapped in a soft fabric ribbon, the end of it tied in a bow.
I suddenly stand, overcome by the same feeling that Shadow has.. Maybe. Just a chance."
I see him fading out, and despair overwhelms me.
Don't go. Please..!
I break into a run, my boots soaked and freezing from the snow, and that warmth of his embrace lingered away. That small hint of care in his eyes. Please don't leave me now!
Finally, I catch up to him at a deserted intersection. I'm out of breath, I don't know what to say, my mind just told me to run, and I ran after you. And now I listen to my heart, and my heart tells me..
"Shadow?..." I walk up to him as his head turns to face mine, eye to eye once more.
And I smile for the first time in years.
I finally reach over and embrace him, just the way I did those many years ago. Except this time I say,
"It's not a mistake. I promise."
Standing here amidst the falling puffs of snow, in the freezing winter breeze, it no longer cuts me, it no longer scars me, maybe because I'm here with him now.
"I know.." His voice replies with softness. I finally know now. What that feeling was, and I think he does too.
And, now only two little snowflakes sigh upon each other, on the bed of fallen snow.
