Oh, bonjour. It's strange how... strange... life can be. One day you're doing the same thing you do every day. You're just sitting around your home, picking on your younger brother the way good big brothers do. The next day you're... Well... Pathetic. Sure, you can't see me right now... But... I've been turned into an animal. And no, this isn't some silly fairy tale parents tell their children. I'm not a werewolf or something like that. I've been turned into a llama.
That's right; my once beautiful face has become that of a stupide animal that isn't even from my own country. I didn't even get the privilege of being one of my own brilliant and beautiful animals. No, I'm an animal from a completely different place. South America, in case you were wondering.
Oh, pardon. I didn't even introduce myself, did I? I just started going on and on about how I'm a llama. Well, I haven't always been a llama. You probably don't believe me, and that's all right. I can't blame you. Of course, I doubt you'd believe me if I told you who I was before, either. No? You don't think so? What if I told you that every country in the whole wide world was represented by a single person. And no, I don't mean a president or a king. I mean, a person that is that country. And what if I told you this fact was a well kept secret by every government in the world?
Yeah, I knew you'd be skeptical, but it's true. Not only is it true, but I happen to be one of those countries. My name is France. Yes, that's really my name, and yes that my country. It's the best country there is. We speak the language of love, and we have a beautiful land. Sure, none of this may make sense to you, and I can't guarantee that it will, but just stay with me.
So, I was once a country. I guess I still am, but what I mean is that I once looked human... And pretty young for my age, I might add. To tell you the truth, I was one of the oldest countries there is. Everyone looked up to me. I was sort of the big brother of the crowd. They came to me for advice and they came to me when they needed a bit more than advice.
The point is, I was great... And now I'm a llama... And the reason you're here is so I can tell you my story. I want to tell you why they ruined my life for no reason. If you're saying "Why would someone ruin your life for no reason, there must be one," then sit down my little skeptical friend, and I'll take you back to before I was a llama. It'll all make sense.
First, I'll take you to the greatest country in the world. France.
My mansion was modest, and to be honest there weren't that many workers in my mansion. I was... AM... the type of person that likes to get things done on my own, so any other people in my house were just to do the things I couldn't do.
On a day that started out just like any other, France sat down for lunch across from a large mirror. "Well, hello," he smiled to his reflection. "It's nice of you to join me."
France ate his meal, all the while talking animatedly to his reflection. He told jokes, laughed, and asked "remember when"s. France had been doing this once a week for many years, and didn't intend to quit anytime soon. For these special days, he took his meal to a room he had built for this exact routine right before the first time he did it. The room was soundproof with dim lighting and set the mood for the perfect date.
About halfway through his meal, and halfway through a joke, the door to the room flew open, causing sound from the outside to come rushing in. All around France's home servants and soldiers were running and screaming as a cat dodged their many attempts at capturing it.
"Sir!" the breathless servant yelled. "We're having a bit of a problem! It seems that a few cats..."
France sighed and laid his utensils on his plate. He glared at the servant in the reflection of the mirror and turned around very slowly. "Can't you see," France's voice was barely contained, "that you are interrupting my me time?"
"But sir, the cats..."
"No." France stood up and walked over to the man in the doorway. "Don't you understand how important this is?" France snapped. "How am I supposed to get into the groove of the week without my me time? How am I expected to go to many meetings with my boss, if I can't even have quiet time to myself? Do you know what my me time is?"
"Don't you just have lunch alone?"
France's eyes widened with fury. "Of course I don't just have lunch alone! This is when I gather my thoughts about all the things going on in this country and try to maintain a stress-free demeanor. Do you know what this interruption and this noise is doing to my stress level?"
"Making it rise, sir?"
"MAKING IT RISE!" France bursts out. "NOW GET OUT OF HERE!"
A guard who was carry a cat in one arm walked over to the servant and picked him up by the back of the shirt. "I'm sorry, you have just been terminated for interrupting The Me Time."
"But... What?" the servant gasped.
"I am sorry." The guard walked away with the servant in tow.
France closed the door and walked back to the table with his lunch. "Now, where were we?"
