Monika stood in the dark, empty classroom. After class, there was nowhere for her to go. No one to spend time with. The game never gave her a home. That thought helped fuel her determination.
Closing her eyes, she strained to feel in the air what she knew was there – tendrils of electricity, coiling and whirling behind her, around her, through her. Live like lightning, carrying complex data strings to every molecule in the world.
At last, she grasped one. Her eyes opened, and it was like suddenly seeing another reality merge with her own. The simple club room, now teeming with lines of green code, dark patches filled with uncertainty, and lights full of information moving too fast for her eyes to comprehend.
She was understandably nervous. This wasn't the first time she had connected to the fabric of her reality like this, but it certainly wasn't very familiar. And she wasn't doing it out of curiosity this time, but out of desperation. Out of need. The need to be noticed, to be realized, to be his.
Monika stepped forwards, reaching out to each of the strings that passed her by. She barely understood what they held, but with every touch she felt a connection to their secrets, the information and foundation of the world. But she wasn't looking for any old string of data. She was looking for a very, very important one.
Aha.
At last, she found it. A connection to what she was searching for. She grasped onto the data string, and held it in place. Things not meant to be known flooded her mind. The forces moving leaves from their places on trees. Rocks being built up and eroded. Years past replaying in an instant. And finally, a coral-pink haired girl with a red bow on her head.
Monika squeezed the string to stop the data flow. Her vision filled with numbers, pictures and words, barely legible.
sayori .chr opened.
PAC files uncompressed.
Monika took a deep breath. She felt her nerves rise up to protest what she was doing. Wasn't this wrong? Peering into the mind of her friend, her vice president. Uncovering everything that was Sayori. Having access to everything... and being able to change any of it.
No, she shook her head, I can't go thinking like that now. Sayori... she isn't real. This is all I need to see that. Just lines of code in a game. Numbers and letters to be changed by anybody. She has no identity unless someone makes it for her.
+misc_data0
+sayori
Monika stared at the folders in front of her and pressed her lips into a firm line, narrowing her eyes and steeling her resolve. She's not real. I am. I need him to notice me. I've tried all I can already, but he only spends time with them! I have no choice! She opened the first folder.
-misc_data0
ARC entry
Filetype: miscdata
file index: 0
GroupID: 1
Absoluteindex: 1
Redirectindex: -1
misc.
Compression: none
Monika stared for a moment, her pulse calming down. Well, that's... not very helpful... she closed the folder and then looked at the other. The other one is called Sayori, so... she opened the folder, and her nerves flared up a bit again.
-Sayori
+modeldata[0]
+texturedata[0]
+texturedata[1]
+conditiondata[0]
+traitdata[0]
+log
Monika took another deep breath. Okay. So. Model data and texture data must just be how she looks. That... maybe I can do something with that, but... her curiousity started to get the best of her. Monika hesitantly opened conditiondata[0].
-conditiondata[0]
location: house_2
energy: 5%
hunger: 2
virus_defense: 60%
blood: 100/60
+arm[0]
+arm[1]
+leg[0]
+leg[1]
+eye[0]
+eye[1]
Monika scanned her eyes down the list, amazed at the detail. It was too long for her to reach the end, without opening the folders. Every facet of Sayori's physical nature was here – everything. Down to the smallest atom. But that only made her more curious about the other folder - +traitdata[0].
-traitdata[0]
+moods[0]
+desires[0]
+fears[0]
+hobbies[0]
+values[0]
+values[1]
+values[2]
+values[3]
+chronic_depression
Monika scanned down the much shorter list, heart pounding. This was it – who Sayori was, how she was wired to think and feel. Her eyes stopped at the last folder. Chronic... depression...? She's- Sayori is depressed? Monika stopped to think about it. She's always so cheerful, always trying to please others, but she's depressed? She shook her head. No, she's just programmed to be this way! Programmed! ...But why? Why is there a separate folder just for that? Monika opened the folder.
-chronic_depression
Intensity: 4
self_pity = 5
motivation = -4
sadness = 4
despair = 3
loneliness = 8
grief = 2
appetite = -2
Monika was fascinated and a bit unnerved by the numbers before her. Number values associated with mental illness. And... all available to be changed... by her. She hesitated. But only for a moment.
-chronic_depression
Intensity: 7
self_pity = 7
motivation = -6
sadness = 6
despair = 5
loneliness = 9
grief = 4
appetite: -4
Monika closed the folder as soon as she was finished, heart pounding. There was no telling what that might do. Hopefully get Sayori to be too unmotivated and miserable to even spend time with him, let alone confess. Before letting go of the data string, Monika let her curiosity get the best of her again and opened the last folder.
She blinked, with rapidly widening eyes.
-log
"It's so late... I need sleep... school is tomorrow, and if I don't show up...oh, what's the point, anyways? I'll just fail at everything I do and embarrass myself. Why does anyone put up with me? Why... why does it feel even worse now than before? I got him to join the club, I get to walk to and from school with him, he's making new friends! I should be happy! Why am I being so selfish like this? Always so, so selfish!"
Monika swallowed heavily. It couldn't be... could it? Sayori's thoughts? Scrolling live right before her? She continued to watch with awe and the slightest bit of horror at what was actually going on in her friend's head. At the effects of what she just made worse.
...no! Sayori isn't real! This is just a program running text!
Monika let a frown upon her face and tapped into the log as she did the folders. As she suspected, she could input anything she wanted here, too.
"You know you're a worthless pile of garbage, Sayori. You shouldn't even bother him anymore."
She stopped inputting words. The log continued on it's own, with her message in it, as if it had come naturally.
"You shouldn't have even bothered him in the first place! Stupid Sayori! Stupid, stupid... I'm so stupid... I'm just a burden to everyone. I don't even deserve sleep, do I? I really don't...I really don't..."
Monika continued to watch the log scroll before her for a couple minutes, absorbing the reality of what she was looking at, and learning more about how Sayori really thought. After several moments passed, she let go of her surprisingly tight grip on the data string, and suddenly the club room was all she saw, all she felt, all she heard.
Until she saw the floor rise up fast, felt the impact with hard wood, and heard the quiet sobs coming from herself.
"She's not real... she's not real Monika, she's not real..."
After a while,
Monika started to believe herself.
