Hello,
I wrote this after listening to Adele's Someone Like You. It's a future-fic as well as my first real song-fic.
Disclaims once again.
The soul mate is what we aspire to and like to understand about us, is what we deem to be perfection, purity and endless regarding our own being.
-Sorin Cerin
Kurt saw him through the Café window from across the street; his eyes glowed in the streaming sunlight, his face was lively and animated.
Watching him, Kurt felt his eyes tear immediately and his heart clench as he remembered.
He remembered their walks in the park, the trips to the store, and of course, the late nights with Blaine; the hushed laughter and gentle, but hungry touches as they expressed their love.
He remembered the first time Blaine told him he loved him:
…
He pulled him into a vacant study room at Dalton after classes. It wasn't quite unlike their first meeting when Blaine had grabbed his hand and whisked him away to sing Teenage Dream in the senior commons.
"Kurt, I need to talk to you." Blaine said breathlessly.
"Sure, is everything alright?" Kurt wondered why the soft pink in Blaine's cheeks grew darker until the skin was tinged scarlet, or why Blaine looked like he was going to sign his life away.
Blaine took his hand shakily in both of his. His pulse quickened. He could taste his own fear.
"Kurt, I love you."
Silence. It fell upon them heavily.
Doubt twisted in Blaine's stomach.
"I can't say I love you." Kurt began. He saw Blaine's crestfallen face and quickly continued, "I can't say I love you because what I feel can't be conveyed in three words. This emotion, these feelings I have, I can't express them with words.
Suddenly, Blaine placed a finger to Kurt's cheek, catching a fallen tear that Kurt wasn't aware had fallen.
He smiled and whispered in his ear before catching his lips in a kiss, "Once again Kurt, you move me."
…
Yes, thought Kurt. I remember.
Blaine sat across from another man.
A man who matched Blaine's perfection head on.
Someone Blaine could fall in love with easily, without having to buy the warnings and imperfections as well.
Kurt turned away. Blaine becoming a ghost in his mind now as his lips formed the words:
I heard
That you're settled down
That you
Found a man
And you're
Married now
I heard
That your dreams came true.
Guess he gave you things
I didn't give to you
He continued walking past shops and people. His hands hanging loosely at his sides because for once, he didn't care. Blaine could be with whoever he wanted.
They had been separated for years now.
And it was his fault.
He called it off. Not because Blaine deserved someone better than him or any of that other crap, but because they had lost that spark they once had.
It had faded.
One day, Kurt woke up and there was nothing there.
Nothing.
He felt empty.
He still feels empty.
Why?
What did he do?
Did he cause it?
He didn't feel the same anymore. Not without Blaine. Blaine made him feel complete.
They were matching puzzle pieces; soul mates. There was no one else for either of them.
They always joked about it:
…
"Hey you. How was class?"
"Long." Kurt sighed.
"Want to tell me all about it?"
"Not now," Kurt replied sleepily.
Blaine smiled. "Can I hold you?"
A blush crept up into Kurt's cheeks. After all this time. Blaine could still do that to him.
He nodded.
Blaine slid his arm around Kurt's back, pressing their bodies together. Kurt leaned his head in the crook of Blaine's neck, Blaine's face buried in his soft hair. Kurt sighed in contentment. "I'm never going to be with anyone else," he said.
Blaine laughed softly. He drew small circles along Kurt's arm and kissed the top of his head. "Me neither."
…
Blaine had seen him peeking in from outside. He hadn't missed the pain in his eyes as he saw that Blaine was not alone.
Old friend
Why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back
Or hide from the light
He had seen him, and he felt a rising hope that fell just as quickly as it had begun.
Kurt turned away from him. Again.
But was he only at fault?
This man across from him meant nothing to him.
Nothing.
He could never replace Kurt.
Kurt was special.
Kurt told him himself why he wanted to separate. Blaine accepted his decision, even though it tore him apart at the seams. Even though, he wanted Kurt to stay so badly it ripped his heart out even more.
Kurt had taken a piece of himself with him when Blaine left.
And Blaine had never recovered.
Now, his heart had a make-shift band-aid plastered over it, but the skin around his heart was still frayed and curled at the seams. His heart beat slowly, painfully, every time he thought of Kurt, dreamed of him, listened to a song that he liked, or smelled him in his shampoo, his coffee-the list went on and on.
Blaine had barely survived.
He hadn't moved on.
He stared at this man in front of him, and then, he knew what he needed to do.
He pulled out his wallet and laid a ten dollar bill on the table in front of them.
The man looked at him in surprise.
Blaine didn't even offer an explanation.
His heart danced in his chest; now was his chance.
He followed in Kurt's footsteps.
You know how the time flies
Only yesterday
It was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise
Of our glory days
A smile tore away the hard set of his jaw.
Kurt.
His feet slid past cracks in the sidewalk. The shallow crevices worked to slow him down, but not this time.
Not anymore.
He still knew where Kurt lived.
That was the funny thing. Kurt still loved him. He knew that; they both did.
He followed him, still. He couldn't see him and he couldn't hear him, but his footsteps were burned into the pavement. It was like following the yellow brick road.
Blaine knew his way home.
He stopped for a moment. Gauging his senses to pick up the right path.
He turned right.
He could hear Kurt's laughter now. He could see his smile. God, that smile!
Blaine continued walking.
His heart beat faster, stronger.
He could feel Kurt beside him now. Their hands slipping together easily, like they were made for one another.
In a sense, they were.
Kurt smiled. "I missed you."
Blaine melted. "Me too."
They rounded the bend. Blaine could see his house. Kurt faded beside him.
Blaine took the stairs but he was getting cold feet fast.
Nevertheless, he stood in front of the door and pressed his knuckles to the chipped paint.
Eternity passed.
He could taste his own fear.
He was just about to turn away, when Kurt opened the door.
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over
Blaine stared at Kurt. He knew that Kurt was probably waiting for him to say something, anything, but Blaine could not tear his eyes away from the man standing in front of him and speak.
Kurt rendered him speechless.
He wanted to touch him to see if he was real.
No. He needed to touch him. To raise a tentative finger along the smooth planes of his face and remember.
A rush of air slipped past his lips as thoughts of Kurt plagued him.
It was then that he realized Kurt also left him breathless.
It was also Kurt that broke the strained silence.
"Blaine? What are you doing here?"
"I-I needed to see you." Blaine hated how his lips trembled, how his eyes shifted nervously between Kurt and the porch below his feet, and how his stomach flipped with the realization that he was talking to Kurt.
"Please-please, can I come in?"
Kurt looked at him. He saw the familiar light in his eyes and melted, but that nagging feeling that Blaine had found someone else also unnerved him. "Aren't you with someone?"
Confusion washed over Blaine's features before he remembered Adam back at the coffee shop. "No."
"Then, who was that man?" Kurt asked.
"I've been going on random dates for the last couple months, but I can't bring myself to make them anything more than that." Blaine answered.
Kurt's mind was in overdrive. "I can't bring myself to make them anything more than that," he repeated to himself. Does that mean-? Did Blaine still wait for him?
Kurt suppressed a chuckle. Of course Blaine would wait for him, Blaine loved him.
And he loved Blaine. But would Blaine take him back?
At that moment, as he stared at the broken-looking man outside his door he thought that Blaine would jump into his arms if he let him.
Blaine never stopped waiting for him and that made him sick with guilt.
"Come in."
Blaine looked up into Kurt's eyes. His own eyes were laced with hope and relief as he stepped over the threshold and into the world he used to call home.
Nothing changed.
The kitchen cabinets, the walls, even the microwave they bought together was left untouched.
If Blaine spent everyday with a frayed heart, imagine how Kurt lived when every memory they spent together haunted him every waking moment.
"Can I get you anything to eat?" Kurt asked.
Blaine's lip turned down with sorrow at Kurt's host-like attitude. Kurt shouldn't have to feel like Blaine was a guest.
Blaine shouldn't feel like a guest.
It's funny what three years apart does to people.
"No." Blaine answered.
Kurt nodded and led him into his-their living room.
Blaine stopped short.
The mantel on the other side of the room still held the picture of them that they took in the park one day during their college years.
Blaine remembered:
…
"Kurt, how much food did you pack?" Blaine asked with a smile.
"I never know how much you're going to eat," Kurt joked.
Blaine smiled back and laced their fingers together.
"I love you, Kurt."
Kurt didn't answer. Instead, he leaned forward and spoke with his lips, causing Blaine to gasp into his mouth. His fingers tangled in Kurt's hair as he breathed him in and kissed him back eagerly.
Kurt's fingers traced Blaine's face as he memorized the warm skin underneath his hands.
After a lifetime, they pulled back. "I love you, too," Kurt answered.
Blaine held Kurt's gaze as the sun shone on their backs.
Kurt's eyes trailed down to his lips, and food forgotten, they met again.
…
Kurt saw the memory in Blaine's eyes and smiled. "I look at that picture every day," he murmured.
Blaine turned to look at him with tear-filled eyes. "It's my favorite picture of us," he said.
Kurt smiled.
"Kurt, I waited." Blaine whispered.
Kurt swallowed thickly. "I know."
He unraveled.
Blaine collapsed on the floor in a heap. He sobbed uncontrollably and Kurt nearly lost it.
It killed him to know he caused him that level of pain.
"Kurt, my God I love you. I love you so much, so, so much." He continued rambling incoherently as he held himself in an attempt to keep himself together.
"Please, Kurt. I cannot lose you. Not again. You are all I think about." He was cut off as more sobs wracked his shuddering frame.
He was broken.
He had broke.
Kurt couldn't take it anymore.
He knelt to the ground and covered Blaine's body with his own.
They sobbed together.
"Blaine. I never meant to hurt you. I love you." Kurt buried his face in Blaine's hair, drinking in his scent.
"Blaine."
"Please, Kurt." Blaine sobbed. "You are a part of me, you always have been."
Kurt closed his eyes to the tears that he shed. "I know. God, I know."
They remembered:
…
"Blaine, I can't do this anymore."
"What do you mean, Kurt?"
Kurt was losing it. "Us. It isn't working. I'm not-I'm not happy, Blaine."
"Oh God. Please, Kurt. Please, tell me how to make you happy."
Blaine tried to hold Kurt. Kurt wouldn't let him. He folded in on himself, Blaine was losing him.
"Kurt, I love you."
"I love you, too." He whispered.
"Then, why?" Blaine asked.
Kurt bit his lip. "I don't know who I am. I need to find myself. I thought I knew who I am but-" He finished quietly. "I can't find myself with you."
"I'll wait for you," Blaine said at once.
"No, Blaine." I'm going to have to hurt him, Kurt thought. "Please, Blaine. If you love me, let me go."
"Kurt." Blaine took a step forward. Kurt took a step back.
"Blaine. Let me go." Kurt's blue eyes iced over. They warned Blaine.
As much as Kurt died inside, he knew Blaine would let him go.
Blaine loved him too much to hurt him.
Could he say the same?
Where was that damn spark? Kurt needed the fire, the warmth.
Blaine was his warmth.
Not anymore.
"Don't wait for me. Find someone who will make you happy."
"Kurt, no."
Kurt raised a brow. "I'm serious, Blaine. Do not wait for me. I won't w-wait for you." He had faltered.
Blaine noticed.
"Kurt?"
"No. Stay away, Blaine. Leave me alone."
…
Blaine choked back tears. How he loved Kurt. Kurt was his muse. His reason for, well, his reason for almost everything.
Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
(Lies. I could never have found anyone else.)
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead."
Yeah.
"I always remembered. It's the only thing that's kept me sane."
Kurt pulled Blaine closer to him. There was no distance between them, but it wasn't good enough.
Kurt needed Blaine.
Blaine needed Kurt.
Like they've never needed one another in their lives.
Their lips were pulled together like magnets; Blaine reveled in his taste. He felt Kurt's hand press to his chest and his heart beat faster.
He felt exposed. Kurt could feel the broken skin surrounding his heart and he smiled sadly into the kiss.
Kurt's other hand snaked around to the back of Blaine's head and he leaned further into him.
Blaine opened his eyes slightly before sighing and closing them again.
Kurt was putting him back together again.
Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known
How bittersweet this would taste?
It hurt. Blaine's heart constricted as the skin bubbled and met at the edges; like puzzle pieces.
It made sense.
His heart belonged to Kurt.
Kurt continued stitching him.
He laid him down into the carpet and leveled himself above his body.
Their lips never broke contact.
Blaine felt like fire as Kurt pressed deeper onto him, and his heart clenched painfully as his skin continued to mold together.
Kurt traced Blaine's lips with his tongue and Blaine parted his lips breathlessly.
Kurt remembered.
Some mornings he would wake up and taste Blaine on his tongue. He never forgot the sweetness that was Blaine.
Nothing compares.
His tongue explored Blaine's mouth and he fell back into the pattern they both knew.
He missed this. Oh God, how did he live without Blaine?
Blaine was his life.
No wonder he felt like a zombie for the longest time.
Blaine's fingers traced the curve of his spine making Kurt arch into the touch.
Blaine smiled. I can still do that.
Blaine's heart clenched again, this time, with love. The newly formed skin held his beating heart; supported it and he sighed with relief.
He met Kurt's tongue with his own and Kurt moaned into his mouth.
That moved Blaine.
I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
Blaine couldn't leave Kurt now. Not now that they were reclaiming each other.
Blaine's heart surely wouldn't be able to take that.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That,
For me, it isn't over.
I remember, thought Kurt. I know who I am now.
Blaine knew too. He sensed the change in Kurt and his breathing hitched. He felt every part of Kurt settling against him.
Kurt moved and he gasped.
Kurt smiled dangerously. "I remember."
Blaine struggled to breathe as he felt Kurt around him, against him, moving him. "I know," he managed.
Their bodies continued to dance rhythmically, methodically.
They remembered each curve, each part, and the taste.
The sensations were overpowering; their fingers tingled with touch, and their bodies filled with emotions they could only give each other.
There was no denying that even after three years, they knew each other well.
An hour later, they were curled around one another on the bed.
They never spoke. Blaine would press a tender kiss to Kurt's head and stroke his arms while Kurt curled further into him, Blaine wondered how he was still able to get closer.
"I tried," Blaine said.
Kurt twisted in his arms to look at him. "Tried what?" he asked.
"I love you so much that I didn't want to fail you. I tried finding someone like you, but I couldn't." Blaine smiled down at him with that smile that turned Kurt to mush. "There is no one like you," he continued. "…and the more that I tried, the more my heart shattered and my life fell apart."
"I can survive without you," Kurt said. "But I cannot live without you, and the memories that are ingrained in my head crushed me harder every day. I love you."
Blaine held him tighter.
"I will never leave."
Kurt smiled. "I will never tell you to leave."
"What do we do now?"
Kurt shrugged. "I want to start again. That is, if you want too."
"Of course I want too." Blaine licked his lips and tasted Kurt.
"Good." Kurt sighed contentedly.
The truth was,
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead.
They experienced both, because truthfully, relationships aren't like anything else.
They're beautiful, but the beauty comes from the work shared by both people.
Kurt and Blaine know that now, but knowing and acting are two different things.
They know that too.
As we grow older together, As we continue to change with age, There is one thing that will never change. . . I will always keep falling in love with you.
-Karen Clodfelder
Let me know what you think :)
