Life Without Prim

I keep staring at this picture in my hands. It's a picture of Prim when she was born. Gosh, that day seems so long ago. Now, she's dead. When she shouldn't be. Prim shouldn't be dead. She should be here, with me, helping me get ready for my wedding with Peeta.

But insted she isn't. The only person from my family that is coming is mom. No on else. Just mom.

Buttercup hasn't hissed at me since Prim died. In fact, the cat's been laying on my bed at night. But I don't care. I know it misses Prim just as much as I do.

Peeta understands my pain at the loss of Prim, he lost his entire family during the bombing. And ever since Snow tourtured him with those tracker jackers, he hasn't been the same way since.

If Gale were here, he'd be at mine and my mother's side. Prim was just as much as his sister as she was mine.

Mom. She's tuned out again. She doesn't really help with the wedding planning much. Most of the time she spends in her rocking chair, singing the district tweleve lullaby as if she was singing it to Prim. It's hard for her. It's not right for a mother's child to pass before it's mother. Especially the way Prim died.

I guess I know what it feels like to have had someone you love killed by Snow. I've had it done to me twice. Cinna and Prim. I guess this is how a sibling feels when their brother or sister died in the Hunger Games. Like Rue's family or Thresh's. Or maybe Cato's or Glimmer's. Who knows.

I remember vaguely Cinna saying something about having a nine year old daughter. She's just old enough to remember everything. I wish she wasn't. But she is. But maybe, she'll grow up to do what her dad did. I remember he said that he loved to design clothes for her. In fact, all of her clothes were hand made by him. Cinna said his daughter liked to help him design her clothes alot. She certainly is a daddy's girl.

Prim was always at my side when I wasn't at the hob or hunting. She was stuck to me until the reaping, until the games, until the time we spent at district thriteen, until she died.

I ran into Peeta trying out yet another idea for our wedding cake the other day.

"Hey, trying another idea?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I thought of a way to include Prim's memory into it, " Peeta said, looking up across the counter at me.

"Oh yeah?" I ask.

"Yeah, I thought about adding primroses to the cake. Real ones, not the edible ones. What do you think?" He asked stepping back from the cake, "These are fake ones, if we use this cake design, then I'll add the real ones."

"This is it, " I say, taking one look at it.

"You think?" Petta asked.

"I know, " I said, hugging him.

"Alright then, we have a cake, " Peeta announced, kissing my cheeck.

"It'd be even better if she was here, " I say.

"I know, I wish she was. She would have been the first one to taste test all this cake, " Peeta sadly joked.

I laugh alittle and say, "Gale would have never left for district two, I think he may have developed a crush on Prim. "

"Really?" Peeta askes.

"Really, he looked at her the same way you look at me, " I say.

"Well, it's only cuter when I do it, " Peeta says, kissing my head.

I guess my life without Prim has had some good moments, but not enough to replace the bad.