"I'm pregnant."
It was the best two words Santana has heard Rachel say since she said "I do." They decided that they would inseminate Santana's eggs and implant them in Rachel. Then when it's time for their second child they will do the same with Rachel's eggs and implant them into Santana. Now Santana is a month away from welcoming Ricardo Leroy Lopez into the world. She loved the idea of being a mother and she couldn't be more excited. Even though she realized very quickly that the only person crazier than Rachel is pregnant Rachel...
Rachel is in the bedroom packing up some last minute things while Santana and Kurt are in the living room.
"So how has Rachel been doing lately?"
Santana gapped her mouth a little. "Well..."
*Flashback*
"I want Doritos."
Santana nodded. "Sure, I'll get them."
Santana went into the kitchen to grab a bag and then handed them to Rachel.
Rachel grabbed the bag and threw it in Santana's face and started crying. "I don't want these! I changed my mind! Don't you know anything?!"
*End Flashback*
"Wow."
Santana nodded. "And then there was the time..."
*Flashback*
Rachel stood screaming and crying at Santana with bits of cookies flying out of her mouth. "You don't think I'm sexy anymore!"
Santana held her hands up. "That's ridiculous. You're still crazy hot. You're beautiful."
Rachel calmed down a little. "Really?" Then she shook up a can of vegan whipped cream and squirted it in her mouth.
Santana stood there wide eyed. "Pssh, yeah. Totally...Like...so hot."
*End Flashback*
Kurt started laughing and Santana slapped his arm. "Seriously though. I love her, she's having my baby...I just want my sexy wife back. The girl who walked around here looking like Anne Hathaway during the Disney years not Britney Spears during the K-Fed years."
"It'll be fine. It's just the hormones. It'll all be over soon."
"Why isn't your boyfriend coming?"
Kurt scoffed. "Like any self respecting gay man would drive half a day to the middle of nowhere with the wicked witch of the west and her crazy pregnant wife if he didn't have to."
Santana pulled him close. "Shh! She might hear you. Three hours ago she burnt the toast and I just got her to stop crying ten minutes before you got here."
"We really do need to get going though. I'm the best man after all."
"Only you could be someone's maid of honor and someone's best man. It must be because you have boy parts but look like an androgynous lesbian."
Kurt smirked. "You know what? Every time you hug your little boy and look into his big beautiful eyes I want you to remember one thing...I masturbated to videos on youporn so you could have it."
Santana looked a little disgusted. Then Rachel came into the room with a bag and Santana grabbed it as she started walking towards the front door.
Kurt smiled. "Hey Rach. You look beautiful."
Rachel kept walking towards the door. "Save it. My back hurts, my feet hurt, I feel like I'm getting cankles and I haven't pooed in two days!" Then Rachel walked out the door and slammed it shut.
Santana just nodded. "It's gonna be a long ride."
They drove for about ten minutes.
"I have to pee."
Kurt quickly pulled over so Rachel could run into a gas station and then they continued on their way.
They drove for another ten minutes.
"I have to pee."
Kurt rolled his eyes and pulled over again so Rachel can pee and then they continued.
They made it about twenty minutes this time.
"Oh my god!"
Santana was startled and looked at Rachel in the back seat. "What? What's the matter?"
"I have to poo."
Kurt rolled his eyes and growled and started pulling over into a nearby gas station.
Rachel shook her head. "No I can't poo there. We need to stop at a hotel."
Kurt gripped the steering wheel so tight his knuckles turned white and drove to the first hotel they could find.
Kurt and Santana were waiting for Rachel in the car and he turned to her. "At this rate by the time we get to Ohio your son will be graduating highschool."
Santana smiled. "Hey it's progress though. This is the girl where the first three months of living together I needed a gym membership for the soul purpose of using the bathroom cuz she wouldn't let me poo in the apartment. Now look at her announcing her own need to make twosies."
"I can't believe the need to poop makes you look this proud. And whatever, she needs to take a nap or something because we can keep stopping every ten minutes."
Santana smirked. "You could tell us the story of how you met your boyfriend again. I could use a little shut-eye myself."
Kurt rolled his eyes.
Rachel got back into the car. "Woo! Let's go! I peed too so I should be good for at least another fifteen minutes."
Kurt smiled. "You know what I was just thinking? I was thinking about the time I met James. It was a cold December night in the city that never sleeps…"
By the end of his story he heard a light snoring coming from both Rachel and Santana.
Kurt sucked his teeth. "While I do appreciate the quiet and that the story worked, that is still beyond rude."
Five hours into the ride Santana finally woke up and asked if Kurt wanted her to take over for a while so he could sleep. He said he wasn't sleepy but that he could still use a rest so they switched spots. They moved slow and carefully so they wouldn't wake Rachel up.
Kurt checked out Rachel in the rearview mirror. "I can't believe Rachel is still sleeping."
Santana smirked. "Shh, don't jinx it."
Kurt smiled. "You know, I don't say this often enough because you scare me but you look beautiful too. Ever since Rachel said she was pregnant you've had this glow going on."
Santana smiled. "I'm just really happy. I love her, I love our baby and I love you too for doing this for us." Then Santana looked serious. "But if you tell anyone I said that I'll kill you and dump the body."
Kurt shook his head and then they heard a yawn and moving around in the back seat then saw Rachel sit up.
Santana smiled. "Hey sleepyhead."
Rachel smiled and wiped a little drool away from her mouth. "I have to pee."
tbc
