She is certain, so certain. That he is the man she wants to be with. Certain that he is the man that she wants to marry. But there's always that thought at the back of her mind, it's always there. The one that was there the night he put the ring on her finger.

Why? She doesn't understand why he said yes, why he wants to be with her. Spend the rest of his life with her. Not that she'd ever tell him. Something tells her that he knows, he knows what she's thinking. He always knows.

Train wreck. That's the word she used to describe herself to Michelle "What if it was out of pity then? Because i'm such a train wreck, he couldn't refuse?" She knows that deep down, that isn't true. Nick wouldn't just say yes for the sake of saying it, he loves her. Although, she's not sure why. She's in deep, way too deep. Deeper than she imagined she'd get.

He told her not to worry, told her nothing was going to go wrong, and she believes him. Of course she does. There's nothing he could say that she wouldn't believe. He is her safety, her comfort. As she is his.

She no longer reaches for that bottle of wine for a sense of release. A release from the pain, the self - hate. Everything. From life. That bottle that was never just one, never. Now, now she reaches for Nick. He is her realease, he is her chance to let go. Her safety. Her calmness.

She still sometimes gets that loudness. That panic. The fear. The fear she can't escape from, it will always be there. She knows that, he knows that as well. But he's always there. Always.

All she needs is him. His embrace, it's warm. so warm. The weight, its gone. As soon as her head is laying on his chest, the soft rhythm of his heart beneath her. She's calm. Feeling almost weightless, the feeling of everything is not so heavy anymore.

His eyes that are always full of concern. Full of worry. His fussing over her, he knows she's not as strong as she likes to think. She knows if it was anybody else it would make her feel uncomfortable. But not him. Never him.

She knows it's not always been this way. She couldn't of imagined this a few years ago, her head telling her at the beginning that all this, it would never work. Never. But she knows she can't always trust her head. It's better to trust, and go with her heart.

She just needed that certainty. The certainty she now has. She knows now Nick was right, there's nothing more intoxicating than certainty.