Revenge of the Potters

Disclaimer: I do not own Starkid or Harry Potter. Sadly.


It was the end of the final showing of AVPS – or A very Potter sequel. Joe and Lauren were chilling backstage, laughing about the whole thing.

"Good show," Lauren laughed, taking off her Draco-wig. "It's so hard not to laugh when you're on, Joe."

Joe Walker smiled and flicked his hair dramatically. "I know," he said. "I'm just that awesome."

"They're asking for another Harry Potter Musical," Lauren added. "Who are you going to play next, eh? First Voldemort, then Umbridge... You're so good at the baddies, maybe the basilisk?"

"No," Joe said, picking up a fake quill that Neville "Schlongbottom" had used in the play, starting to doodle with it, even knowing it didn't have any ink. "I think Nick will get it, he always seems to play puppets really well – Ah!" Joe shouted in sudden pain. He stared in horror from the paper which was lined with red doodles, to the back of his hand which had nib-deep scratches, taking the shape of his pictures. He yelped and dropped the quill.

"What is it?" Lauren asked. Joe whimpered and showed her his hand. Lauren grinned.

"Ha! Someone got a taste of their own medicine, no? Well, you certainly had me fooled – NOT!"

"IT'S NOT A TATOO!" Joe shrieked. "IT'S REAL!"

Lauren's expression changed to one of disgust. "Eeew, you mean you cut yourself? That's gross, Joe Walker."

"I didn't do it! Someone else did! Except..." Joe turned and stared at the quill. "The quill... Did it..."

Lauren looked at Joe with some concern, and started to say that they should put his hand in cold water, when suddenly something hit her on the back of her head. She hissed and turned around to see a wand, one they had used in the play. The thrower was nowhere to be seen. "Did you do that?" she asked Joe.

"No, how could I? I'm standing in front of you." Suddenly a pencil hit her on the head, then a sketchpad, then a broom, then an owl costume with a letter inside:

That's what you get for messing with Harry Freakin' Potter, Lopez. Don't worry; we did the same to Joey, Bonnie and Darren.

Love Harry Potter. No "Freakin'" there, sucker.

Lauren looked at the note in confusion. It wasn't Darren's writing. Besides, it said that it had pranked Darren too. But it couldn't be Harry Potter, he didn't exist...

And then, an ugly and toad-like woman entered the room with a little "Hem Hem!" She pointed a fake (or was it fake?) wand at Joe, before saying in a falsely sweet voice: "I see you have learned the price of messing with us, Lauren. Joe, your punishment is not quite finished. Pick up that quill. Now write on the paper: I must not disrespect Umbridge."

Joe made no move. Then, in a thunderous voice, Umbridge started again. "Now, Mr Walker." Joe looked nothing short of terrified. He walked to the quill, and started to write, whimpering all the while as his hand was cut. Umbridge stayed in the room to watch. Lauren put two and two together.

They've come, she thought. They've come to make our lives a living hell... This is revenge, for our slapstick offensive plays. We've insulted the richest and most famous fictional characters in the world... We are so dead...

As if to underline the whole thing, another thing hit Lauren on the head. It was the album of their songs, the ones they had written for AVPM and AVPS. Really annoyed, she threw it back at where she imagined that Harry and his friends were hiding behind their invisibility cloak (it fell through thin air) but not before reading the note that came with it:

And your songs suck, too.


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