A/N: Yep, this popped into my head while listening to the radio and playing my game. The song Rapture is not my own. I am taking the original meaning that I got from this song and putting it here. I will also use the lyrics as I see fit. Should be a one-shot, but who knows. I have to get this out of my head if I'm going to finish my other story.

Warning: In no way do I agree with the views of Duo in this story. Any flames at all will be gladly accepted since my fiance loves to keep our room freezing at night and I can't sleep half the time.

Summary: Duo questions everything he does with his best friend, confused by the feelings that are growing inside. Memories of the Father Maxwell, Sister Helen, and the Church are clear in his mind along with the teachings deeply ingrained into him from that young age. What is going to happen when he finds out that Heero has the feelings that aren't quite the friendship type?

Rapture

It was wrong. No, this won't work. Guys don't like other guys, it's just not right.

It was after the whole Relena being kidnapped incident. We were all going to go our seperate ways. Somehow we ended up at the Preventers and living relatively close to one another. Heero and I decided to share an apartment. For company, for putting up less money for a place to live, for my torture apparently. Why did I have to open my big mouth and ask for a room mate.

flashback

"Hey Hee-chan!" I yell across the room. The meeting was over. We gundam wonders were just accepted as the youngest members in Preventers. We were finally dismissed and it was time to get the Hell out of dodge, as I like to say. I could see Heero cringe as I yelled. Too bad he couldn't tell how nervous I was. I make my way over to him, dodging Quatre with his million and one sisters, the reporters, the Relena fans. I drape my arm across his shoulders and steered him towards the door.

"How about we go grab a bite of lunch?" I ask him hoping against all hopes that he says yes. It would be kind of awkward to try to ask the question that is wanting to jump out of my mouth right here in front of everybody. "I have a place not too far from here. We could go there." I knew that he was staying in a hotel room and didn't really have anywhere else to go. It must have been my lucky day because Heero nodded his consent before he shrugged out from under my arm.

We walked out of the building into the late afternoon sun glaring into our eyes and the pavement hotter than Hades' home. I jerked out my thumb and pulled Heero into a cab that screeched to a halt at the curbside. He was silent all the way to the complex, but I rattled on enough to fill the silence. We went to my place. It wasn't overly large. Two bedrooms, a kitchen nook, decent living room, large bathroom, even a small study area. Two bedrooms... that's why I had invited him here.

Friends. That's what friends do. Try to help each other out. You don't lust after your best friend. Especially when said best friend was also a guy. Yes, I had started to get these feelings for Heero. Not some lets be friends feelings either... Everytime a thought such as that comes up the guilt threatens to spill over.

We made small talk as I fixed our sandwiches. We sat at the small bar that seperated the kitchen nook and the living room. The blinds to the balcony were open, letting the sunlight stream in. I finally worked up the courage to ask him and the butterflies were having a hayday in my stomach. He is a friend, he is a friend, he is a friend. It became a mantra that I repeated over and over in my little mind trying to calm my nerves.

"You going to go back to the hotel room for now?" I ask around a mouthful of food.

"Hn." That was what I got for an answer. I rolled my eyes.

"What do you think of this place?" He looked around, a slight look of confusion showing on his face.

"A good size while still pratical," he answered in a monotone.

"There's two rooms here," I add. He just stared at me as if saying so what. Oh boy, this was going to be fun. "Well, I know you don't have a place. This is close to HQ. The rent isn't horribly expensive. Plus, I would go nuts without a room mate. Trowa and Quatre are going to go live at one of Q-man's mansions. Wufei is going to hole up somewhere. He can't stand me too much anyways," I say all this in one breath. I realise that I was rambling and I had totally missed what Heero had said.

"Huh?" I say intelligently.

"I said yes." He just sat back in that chair as if it was the most comfortable thing ever with a content little smile just barely gracing his lips.

end flashback

I grab the cold cross that falls against my chest. It's held on a long box chain and reflects the glaring sunlight at just the right angle. I grab the small momento of the Maxwell Church and press my lips against it in a desperate kiss.

"Father up in Heaven, keep me strong. Keep my mind from straying..." I mumble under my breath, throwing the prayer to the sky above me.

Even as I say these things my eyes wander over to my once comrade in arms. Mr. Perfect Soldier Yuy sat at the desk across the room, prussian blue eyes rivited on his laptop like there was no tomorrow.

flashback

"Duo, you are a slob," Heero called from the bathroom. I was in the kitchen making coffee. It was early and boy do I hate mornings. I just grumbled a reply to him as he walked in and grabbed a cup of coffee.

"Duo, rinse your dishes," he says one night after dinner.

"Duo, keep your dirty laundry out of the bathroom," he'll say after I take a shower.

"Duo, turn that music off," he complains when he's on that laptop of his.

What did I do to deserve this? He is so anal and so picky about every single thing. Nothing is perfect enough for him, nothing! Well, except for my cooking. He likes that. And how I'll drive in the mornings. He isn't the greatest of morning people either. A feeling of warmth starts to fill me and I immediately question wether or not it's the friendship feeling or the more than friends feeling. I had been getting more of the latter recently.

end flashback

My eyes, with a mind of their own, roamed up and down Heero's body. Or what I could see of it anyways. The desk blocked a good portion of of his body and the laptop almost hid his face. But I could see those eyes and well chisled face, the mop of messy brown hair that seemed unable to be tamed. His feet, slightly set apart resting flat on the floor, socks that barely covered his angles, leading up to slender very muscled legs.

Why do I do this to myself? I ask. My mind is whirling a million miles a minute. Guilt wells up inside me like some bile after eating something that was no longer any good. My stomach clenches and the back of my throat burns and I feel like the air is thicker than water. Great, the beginings of a panic attack on top of the gut wrenching guilt. I can just imagine the hurt and disapointment in Father Maxwell's eyes. The disgust in Sister Helen's eyes. Gays don't go to heaven. They don't. I don't want that to be the deciding factor of not getting myself there. Yes, I've done some awful things, even killed, numerous times. I even took up the name God of Death. But God forgives those things, right? All I have to do is ask. Ask and pray and confess.

Choosing to be gay, now that was another thing. It is a conscious decision, right? You're not born liking the same gender. It can't be. God wouldn't let us be born that way when it says in the Book that its wrong. -Choosing- to like your room mate, your partner, your friend, of the same gender is turning your back on God, isn't it? Well, ISN'T IT?! I can't do that. No. Can't disapoint those that raised me, took me in and cared for me. They didn't have to do that. Can't let them down. Even though they are long since dead and gone.

I tighten my grip on my small cross. A small metal object, a symbol of faith. Am I even worth wearing such a thing? My head aches as I fight the thoughts of my room mate and the overwhelming guilt that threatens to swallow me whole.

flashback

I fumble with the door key as I try to find the small keyhole in the dark hallway. It's late. It was an extremely long day at work full of paper work and lectures and a screaming Une as she tore into her newest field agents for their mistakes. Of course this had to happen right outside -my- office. Even with the door shut Une was loud enough to cause a migraine.

I literally stumble into the apartment tripping over my own two feet, causing the edge of the doormat to fold upwards which I tripped over and basically ran into the wall. I mutter long lines of obscenities as I reach for the light.

"Duo?" Heero called from down the hallway somewhere.

"Yeah," I holler back, very grouchy and did not want to put up with some type of lecture from my room mate. Unlike me, he actually got out of work on time tonight. Me? I had to catch up on all the paperwork I didn't get to throughout the week. Yeah, I procrastinate. So shoot me.

I looked up as the hall light came on. Heero was was walking out of the bathroom, one towel thrown on his head and another wrapped around his waist. He must have grabbed the stolen hotel ones out of the closet. It was tiny, barely circling his waist and leaving little to the imagination. I felt my eyes widen at the sight of a wet skinned Heero walking down the hall in my direction, completely oblivious of my discomfort. Of course, why would he suspect me being uncomfortable? We had both been dressed in less at times. We fought in a war together. There was no room for modesty in a war.

He must have noticed something was up cause he paused at the entrance of the living room. I don't know, it could have been my hitched breathing, my oggling eyes, or the red tinge that was definitely crawling its way across my face. Whatever it was, he lowered his arms, towel in hand, and leaned causually against the wall with a hint of a smile on his face. Yes, Heero Yuy is smiling.

Once again guilt gnaws at my insides and threatens to push out what little I had for dinner onto the floor. The guilt was so thick and so complete that I could have just fallen to the floor right there. But, that wouldn't do. I couldn't make myself out to be a bigger idiot in front of Heero. I was already the loud mouthed baka, the hyper active forever going to be a kid, guy.

"You're home late," he says softly. No, you think? It was my turn to grunt an answer to him. I took off my shoes and threw them into a corner. I could feel Heero roll his eyes at that one. I make my way to the kitchen to get a drink as I pull off my tie and drop it somewhere on the floor.

"Long night?" he asks. His voice was just as soft again. I hear him moving towards me, probably to fix my shoes and pick up my tie, maybe even my jacket that I have thrown over the small counter bar, but did he have to do this in a towel? A tiny towel none the less.

"Nope, just the regular working four hours more than usual, having paperwork piled a foot high on the corner of my desk, and Une torturing some idiot field agents outside my door," I retort nastily. Glass of water in hand, I search for the asprin. Of course I can't find it. I turn to walk to my room, I always have some in there, and find myself almost nose to nose with none other than my wet-skinned room mate. To my surprise, he has a look of concern on his face.

"Gah! Heero, don't sneak up behind me," I say probably louder than I needed to. He shrugs and hands me the bottle of asprin from who knows where. "Uh, thanks."

"You should - "

"Look Heero, I don't need any of your lectures on anything right now. I'm really not in the mood right now," I started calmly, but my voice was steadily raising in volume.

"All that I was going to say is that you should take it easy and rest," Heero stated, that eyebrow of his raised. Well, crap, don't I feel like a heel now. All the anger I had inside left me in a big woosh and suddenly I was just very tired. "How about a movie?" His voice was a slightly higher pitch than normal. This would should have sent warning signals or some type of something going through my head. But, noooo, I was still trying to process that Mr. Anti-social wanted to watch a movie.

"Uh." Yeah, go me for making intelligent sounds.

"Or not. Maybe I'll go work on my laptop." Did he sound disapointed? There was something else for my shocked brain cells to wrap around. He turned to leave. Of course I wanted to watch a movie. It's normal for two guy friends to want to hang out and watch a movie right? Right? Before he could walk away, I reached out and grabbed his arm.

"Oi Hee-chan, hold it. I'm sorry. Yes I had a long and tiring day. I would love to watch a movie. You pick?" He nods.

"I will go and change," he said stoicly, but there is a glint of something in his eye. Maybe I had imagined it, but this was turning out to be a good evening.

end flashback

I must have been praying a little too loud again. Heero shifts, makes just the slightest bit of noise while doing so. I can feel those eyes on me. No use fighting it. I take a calming breath and meet his stare. He has one eyebrow raised oh so elegantly as he looks at me. His face isn't even totally blank. He has a questioning look, waiting for me to speak my mind, knowing that I will if given long enough. I can feel heat crawling up my neck and settling on my cheeks as I blush. He sees this and his face softens and gives a small smirk.

"Ne Heero, my mumblings too loud for you to concentrate over there?" I asked brightly, my jester's mask firmly in place, my smile as big as it would go.

"Baka," he says with a smile. A smile! Hot dog, where'd that come from? He turned back to his laptop saying nothing else, without another look in my direction. I had begun to notice in the past couple of weeks of rooming with Heero, that the guy actually had some feelings under there. Never did he show any emotion outside of this apartment though. At work, in public, he was always the same. Stoic, unmoving, unfeeling, uncaring. But here, at home, yes home, he relaxed. I could see it. Slowly at first, but more and more he lets go.

Every couple of days now we'll have a movie night. Whoever gets home first picks out the movie and makes sure there is plenty of popcorn to be made. Take out is always a must, either pizza or chinese. We would grab a blanket and some pillows and one of us would crash on the couch, one on the floor. At first he just sat all straight and stiff, but seeing me time after time just sprawled out all over the place, I think he finally got the hint that it was ok to relax.

The silence stretched on, but the smile remained. Something inside my head was doing a happy dance and my nerves were all giddy. Gah! I can't be doing this. I try to force these things, these thoughts with a mind of their own, to the back of my mind. It doesn't work. My little conscience woke up and started screaming at me that this is wrong. Besides, Heero would hardly be the type to be gay. Even if he was, that was his choice. I'm not going to come out and tell him, hey that's wrong. My beliefs are my own, I don't need to go shoving them off on somebody else. But me on the other hand, I can't feel this way. It's just not right. Suddenly, the apartment was too small and Heero was just too close for comfort.

"I'm going out," I say shortly. I stand and grab my jacket as I slid my shoes on.

"Chinese or pizza tonight?" Heero asks without looking up from that piece of machinary his fingers were just click clacking away on.

"Heh?"

"Movie night. I'll order food here in about an hour. Which do you prefer?" He had actually stopped typing for a minute and was staring at me. Great, just peachy. The one time I don't want to be near him and he wants to be buddy buddy and do a movie night. I swear somebody up there just doesn't like me or that He was testing me. Maybe that was it. Maybe this was to see if I could be normal, behave, get rid of these awful thoughts of Heero and his body out of my mind.

"Duo?"

"Huh? Oh, umm, yeah. Pizza will be fine," I stutter, tripping over my tongue.

"Pepperoni?"

"Sure."

"You want to grab that new action flick you wanted to see while you are out?" Since when did he notice what movies I want to see? And pepperoni pizza? I -know- he isn't crazy about that kind of food.

"Sure," I mumble with a confused look on my face. He nods to me, his features soft in the waning afternoon light and returns to typing. I throw him another strange look as I leave the apartment. The city we lived in was quite large. Good thing we lived near a smaller shopping district. Neither of us needed a car seeing as we could walk or take a cheap cab to anywhere within town. I decided to walk. Walking did the mind and body good. Well, most of the time anyways. It seemed only to serve the purpose of allowing more questions to fly through my head.

Since when was Heero the talkative one?

When did he start to care about the food I liked or the movies I wanted to watch?

He smiled at me. Yes, a smile. A couple of them actually.

Baka. Idiot. He doesn't like you any more than he should. As friends, nothing else.

Baka, that's what he called me.

Why is it when he said it, it was endearing?

Maybe I only saw it as endearing.

Maybe he does think I'm an idiot.

He wants to watch a movie tonight. A movie that -I- wanted to see.

Why?

Why was he so, so what? Friendly?

About gosh darn time he was. I'm always the one coming up with things to do, starting the conversations. Well, not always. He was usually home earlier than I and got the movie nights ready. So it wasn't -always-.

But why my food and movie? Maybe it was no big deal. I'm blowing this way out of proportion. It's nothing. That's all this is, nothing.

It actually took me about an hour to get to the movie rental place, find the thing, and drag my sorry ass back to the apartment. It was late Saterday afternoon, the sun just starting to set. People came out in swarms as the sun was going down. Being as small as I am it was kinda hard squeezing my way threw the crowds. But finally, I made it through my door to the aroma of pepperoni pizza. And there was Heero, dressed in a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt that suspiciously looked like mine, getting paper plates out of the cupboard. Just the look of him running around in sweats was enough to make me laugh.

"What?" Heero asks with this look of pure innocence on his face. That by itself made me laugh harder. After I could finally breathe I took off my shoes and jacket then helped Heero with the food and drinks.

"Is that my t-shirt that you are wearing there Hee-chan?" I ask teasingly and I was rewarded with a blush. I must admit that Heero Yuy looks very cute with a blush. As I think this my conscience rears its ugly head and yells at me that this whole thing was wrong. I said screw you guilt, I'll pay for this later, and shoved it down as far as it would go. "Mr. Yuy, blushing?" I taunted.

"Baka," he said with a glare that was nowhere near the caliber it once was. I just laughed it off and carried my share of food into the living room and plopped down on the floor with my back against the couch. Then I had to get up to put the movie in because I forgot. All the lights were shut off leaving the room in darkness until the previews started.

"Why don't you sit on the couch? There is plenty of room." This surprises me so much that I almost dropped my plate of pizza. I almost say huh again, much to my embarrassment. Instead I plop down on the opposite end of the couch. I thought I heard a sigh from from Heero, but looking at him, his face was as impassive as ever. We were both silent as we dug into our food and settled in to watch the movie. I was so into the movie that I hardly realised that Heero had stood up and took our dishes into the kitchen. What I -did- notice was when Heero came back into the living room he sat right beside me with a bowl of popcorn.

"Popcorn?" he asks. He has this look of pure innocense on his face like he had no clue how much he was torturing me and that he would never do such a thing. His eyes told me otherwise. They said he knew exactly what he was doing and enjoying every minute of it. The temperature in the room, or at least the area around the couch, felt as if it rose about ten degrees.

"Sure," I say as a scoot closer to him, I mean closer to the bowl of popcorn. I shout this in my mind that it was the popcorn I was getting closer to. Can't deny my stomach junk food, now can I? Hell, who was I kidding? The person that gave me migraines from arguing with myself was actually sitting right next to me by his choice alone. This was wrong and I knew it, but I just couldn't find the reason to care at the moment. Oh yeah, the whole going to Hell thing... well, I'll deal with that later. Yes, later.

What is he trying to pull?

I think he knows... he has to know.

Did he catch me staring at him?

Wouldn't he be mad?

Shouldn't he be mad?

This makes no sense.

This is Heero you're sitting next to. Your best friend, remember? This is my inner conscience yelling at me and trying to burst this sudden happiness feeling that I have growing within me. I squash it and send it packing. Heero is a guy. Guys like girls. Not some guy that tries to look like a girl with a three foot braid. It still tries to whisper to me. I take a mental scythe, cut my little conscience in half, and wish it a happy after-life.

I give a contented little sigh as my mind is finally silent. I settle into the couch, getting more comfortable, totally chowing down on the buttery salty goodness also known as popcorn. The light from the t.v. flashed on the wall making shadows jump across the room. The surround sound system that I had installed only made the effects better and I was totally into the movie.

"Man they make Wufei look like some type of novice, ne Heero?" I say absent mindedly while still totally enthralled by the martial arts moves that were being performed on the screen. This time I didn't even get a grunt for an answer. I turned my head and realised that Heero was staring at me with a very intense look. At that look my brain took a holiday, my stomach clenched itself into a holy mess of knots, and everything else went numb. It wasn't a pissed off I'm going to kill you look either. Exactly what it was, I couldn't describe. I think I knew what it was but I refuesed to even dare to hope for it.

Nervousness took on a whole new level as there was nothing but silence stretching between us. Well, silence, a bowl of popcorn, and about two inches of sofa space. What does one Duo Maxwell do when caught off guard and almost paralyzed with nervousness? He makes a joke, of course. I picked up a piece of popcorn and flicked it at Heero and was rewarded by a perfect bullseye.It hit the side of his nose and bounced back into the bowl. His eyes widened just a bit and I started to think that I was a deadman for all the reaction I got out of him, or rather a lack of reaction.

He suddenly moved with a sparkle in his eyes. I threw myself back, expecting the worse and got a handful of popcorn in my face. I had my mouth open in a perfect little 'O' of surprise, which Heero took as an invitation and threw more popcorn at me, with some landing in my mouth. I spit them out and try to sputter out something, anything, but the words just didn't want to.

"Oh my. Is the great Shinigami for once speechless?" Heero taunted in almost a sing song voice. Well crap, where in the world did this come from?

"Who are you and how did you manage to kill Heero?" I retorted when my voice finally decided to find its way out of my mouth. I have a huge grin on my face and for once its not some face jester's mask. I saw that he had another handful of popcorn ready to throw at me. I was able to duck under the popcorn assault as I grabbed a pillow and swung at his head, totally missing.

"The great Shini, way to slow," he taunted with a laugh. "Maybe if I sit still you could actually hit me."

"I'll show you who is slow!" I yell as I jump to my feet almost taking the bowl of popcorn with me. Trying to keep the bowl from spilling onto the floor, Heero lunged to try to catch it. I couldn't let this opportunity pass up since he was completely off guard, so I slammed my pillow into his shoulder with a loud cry of victory, knocking him to the floor and popcorn going everywhere.

"You'll pay for that," he growls as he grabs for my feet. I dance away with a laugh only to trip over the bowl and land hard on my butt. Heero grabs two large handfuls of the stuff and launches them at me as I try to use the pillow as a shield. Seeing that the popcorn was no longer having any affect, Heero grabbed the other lone couch pillow and came running towards me. I scrambled to my feet, jumped onto the couch and sprung over the back side, sticking my tongue out at him the whole time. A complete pillow fight ensues including some sweep kicks, punching, some more jumping over the couch and end tables, and more throwing of the popcorn.

The "fight" came to an abrupt end when I tried to jump over the couch again, using the cushions of the couch as a step stool, and Heero tackled me to the couch. I tried to wriggle free, but he grabbed both my hands and pinned them above my head. He shifted so that he was sitting on my thighs with a knee to each side of me, thoroughly pinning me to the couch. We were both out of breath as if we had just finished a marathon. I could feel his heartbeat and could see the vein pulse at the side of his neck. Heat radiated off his skin, dancing across mine, making it even harder to breathe.

"I think I won," he said, his voice low and husky. My eyes travel up his body and finally met his. I forgot to breathe. I forgot what actual air was as I stared up into those deep prussian blue eyes. They were clouded with desire and it was for nobody else but me. -I- was on the recieving end of that look.

My mind was screaming that this was wrong that I shouldn't be like this, in this type of position. My body was screaming back for it to take a hike as it was having enough trouble comprehending why in the world would this be wrong when it felt so good. I had Heero Yuy on top of me. On top of me! Oh yeah, that whole gay thing. That whole gay people go to Hell thing. Later. Right now this feels way to good and any argument my mind throws my way isn't really making that much of a difference.

"So beautiful," Heero says almost too softly that I hardly catch it. My eyes widen in suprise and I opened my mouth to ask what in the world was going on when I realised that I couldn't talk even if I had wanted to. Heero had chosen that moment to lean forward and kiss me.

Time completely froze as everything disapeared around me. Everything but this man above me, kissing me. His lips were so soft and gentle as they pressed against mine, so warm. I close my eyes in pure delight and a soft moan escapes through my lips. Too soon he began to pull away. With a small whine in the back of my throat, I lean forward and steal a searing kiss of my own. Unlike the one before it, this kiss was hot, needy, and demanding. Heero gasped and whimpered against my lips. Those sounds sent tenderals of pleasure coursing through my veins leaving me to gasp in need.

Heero's toungue pushed passed my lips and into my mouth. I reached out tentatively with my own, carefully tasting this invader of my mouth. When our toungues met, an electric shock ran through my body. Sweet and spicey at the same time and I wanted more. My back arched up, my body seeking out his. The need to touch and be touched was almost too great to stand. My body went up, his came down. Body against body we met seperated only by the thin layer of clothing each of us wore. I struggled to free my hands so that I could touch this being above me. This only made Heero tighten his grip more which only served to make me aroused even more, painfully so. We finally broke the kiss, both of us with our eyes half closed and breathing hard.

"Beautiful," He whispered as his free hand traced my skin across my cheek and along my jawline. Heero's soft voice, him speaking so gently to me sent my mind and body straight up to heaven.

Heaven... that word means something to me. I looked up and saw Heero, a -man-, looking down at me with lust filled eyes. Reality came crashing down on me, bringing with it the worst kind of fear and my conscience screaming close behind. My eyes opened wide and a strangled wail clawed its way through my throat. I struggled free of Heero, kicking and clawing, and pushing as if my very life depended on it. This most horrid look of hurt and confusion was on his face and -I- had caused it. Something inside of me was screaming apologies as the rest of me just wanted to get away and fast.

"Duo?" Heero questioned. He realised something was wrong and scrambled way as best as he could trying to avoid my flailing limbs. Even the perfect soldier couldn't dodge all of my kicks and punches. "Duo!" he said in a voice that was supposed to calm me. But, it was too soft, too soft and caring to be coming from Heero.

"Duo what is wrong?" he reached towards me, trying to rassure me. Part of me knew this, but the rest of my body didn't want to believe it. I renewed my efforts of fleeing and with a sharp cry I shoved away from Heero landing hard on the floor. I tried to scramble to my fee, obscenities streaming from my mouth, but I could not find any purchase on the popcorn covered carpet. I could hear Heero through my mumblings asking me what did he do, what was wrong. Didn't he understand that everything that just happened was wrong? Maybe not for him, but definitely for me it was. I scoot backwards on my butt using my hands and feet until my back is up against the wall.

"Duo, just calm down. Tell me what is wrong," Heero pleaded. I used the wall as support and pulled myself upright. What I had just done was wrong, so wrong. What is going to happen to me now? I turned and stumbled down the hall almost sobbing and words pouring out incoherently. I reached my door. I could hear him coming towards me, still speaking softly, but very worried. Wait this is Heero, he doesn't get worried. But, why is he coming towards me with that emotion laced through his voice. Who could he be worried about? Me? No, it has to be that he is worried about what I think of him now after we did... did that... did that horrible mess out in the living room. I tried to open the door, but I couldn't seem to grab the handle well enough to get it to turn all the way.

He's so close. Only a couple of feet away. His eyes are opened wide and his mouth is moving forming some words. Words that I don't want to hear, words that I can't hear through this fear that threatens to overwhelm me. If I listened to him, I would run to him and ask him to hold me, ask him to make it all go away, to make this all go away, but I can't. It's just not right and just should not happen. I'm openly sobbing now. I can't believe that I kissed my best friend, my best guy friend. Finally, the door knob turns just enough that the door opens and I fall into my room. I scramble to slam the door shut and lock it quickly. I run to my bed and throw myself onto it grabbing my cross whispering, crying, praying, begging for some sort of forgiveness. I didn't want to go to Hell for one decision. I needed to be strong, become stronger, be able to resist temptation. That was all, that's all I needed to do.

I was still sobbing, but at least I wasn't hyperventilating anymore. I was able to breathe and I was slowly calming down and starting to be able to relax. I could hear the vacuum cleaner running in the living room. Mr. Perfect must be cleaning up the popcorn that was all over the flor and the couch. I was almost asleep with my cross held tightly in my hand and my lips pressed against its cool surface when there was a knock on my door. I ignored it, willing him to go away. Of course this doesn't work.

"Duo open the door," Heero called from the other side sternly. There wasn't any anger in his voice that I could hear. "I know that you are awake, I heard you move. Now open this door."

"Just leave me be Heero."

"What did I do wrong? If anything, I would say that you wanted to do that as bad as I did." That's the problem. I wanted those kisses and those touches and more. I have wanted them for a long time and I want more. God help me, I wanted more.

"I can't Heero," I cried out. "I can't do that."

AN:Yeah, it -was- supposed to be a one shot... but guess what? My little muse said post it as is so I can go and work on other musings. Huanted Memories -is- getting worked on, its just being very difficult. This one alone took me a couple of weeks to get down on paper and then typed up. I also did War and Destruction in one night. Then I have "The Only" chapter two stirring in my brain along with a fic that cant be posted here. :P Anyways... reviews would be greatly appreciated since that is what my muse, Herb the gerbil, is looking for.

Herb: She's lying. She wants the reviews all to herself.

Lucratcia: bonks Herb on the head Go run on your spinny wheel thingy. Give me more ideas.

Lucratcia to her readers: Just ignore him. kthxbai.