DISCLAIMER:   You all know the drill - Paramount is God.  All hail Paramount.  They own everything in the Star Trek Universe - I'm just using my overactive imagination to take their characters where they refuse to go.  All in the name of fun, not profit (I wish).

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is the second part of my "The Long Road Home" trilogy.  You should probably read the first part, "Separations" if you want to be able to follow along.

SUMMARY: Captain Janeway faces conflict on two fronts as Voyager enters a war zone while her relationship with Chakotay begins to fall apart.

THE LONG ROAD HOME

AWAKENINGS

CHAPTER ONE : THE FIGHT

"Everyone seems to be adjusting okay," Mark told the Captain as he took the cup of coffee she offered him.

"I'm glad to hear it."

"Your crew's been really great at making us feel at home.  Nathan said something about Harry Kim and a holodeck program…Captain Photon?"

"Proton.  One of Lieutenant Paris' creations.  It's quite amusing, really.  You should try it sometime."

"You've tried it?"

"Not voluntarily – it's a long story," she said with a grin. "Ask Tom about it sometime.  He'll tell it better than I will."

"Everything else is going well.  It might take a little time to get used to duty rosters and quarters again, but I'm sure this place will feel like home in no time."

"And you?"

"I'm doing fine.  It's strange, though, being back on a Federation ship after spending four months in that hell.  I'm starting to see some familiar faces in the corridors.  I may not remember names very well yet, but I'm certainly getting along with the crew."

"So I've noticed," she said with a sly grin. "You and Seven have really hit it off."

"She's fascinating," he admitted. "I've never known anyone like her."

"That I can easily believe.  It's not every day you meet an ex-drone who's been liberated from the collective."

He shook his head. "That's not what I mean."  He paused, trying to figure out how to put it into words.  "It's because I'm Betazoid," he explained after a minute. "The rest of you see an ex-Borg trying to be human and fit in.  I see a person fighting to come out.  Somewhere, deep down, she's Annika Hansen.  I've lost count of the number of times I've had to stop myself from calling her that."

The Captain stared at him in amazement. "Really?"

"I find it hard to believe that the rest of you can't see it.  There's such a wealth of emotion and personality, and it's just below the surface.  I only wish I could bring it out."

"You do a pretty good job as it is.  When she was talking to you about the wormhole at Neelix's party – that's almost the most comfortable I've ever seen her."

"I was cheating," he confessed. "I tried a few different topics until I sensed that she wasn't nervous.  It's definitely a conversation helper."

"I'll bet.  Where were you when I brought her on board?"

Their conversation was interrupted by Chakotay's voice through her commbadge.

Chakotay to Janeway.

"Janeway here."

We're approaching an alien vessel.

"Acknowledged," she told him, and she motioned for Mark to follow her as she got up off the couch.

"They're hailing us," Chakotay told her as she and Mark entered the bridge.

"Onscreen," she ordered.  A humanoid alien filled the screen.  He had a bluish tint to his skin, and an indentation in his forehead above the bridge of his nose.

Whatever species he was from, they obviously didn't practice introductions. "Who are you?" he said, curious but not hostile. "What are you doing in my trade route?  I've never encountered such an advanced vessel this close to Brennin space before."

"I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager."

"My name is Taleth," he said pleasantly. "It's a pleasure to meet you.  It's been weeks since I've seen anyone – I'm glad for the company."  She looked at Chakotay and smiled.  It wasn't very often that they met a species that was this friendly.

"Well, Taleth, I apologize if we've intruded on your space.  We didn't realize this was your…trade route."

"Not a problem," he said with a wave of his hand.  "But I'm not the one you should be worried about.  The area of space you'll be entering is controlled by a race called the Brennin.  They're at war with a neighboring species and are particularly hostile towards strangers in their space.  I suggest you avoid them."

"Are you Brennin?" asked Chakotay.

"No – my kind are known as the Markani.  We're nomadic, and most of us are traders like myself.  Most of us know better than to get involved with the Brennin – they're notoriously hostile and unreliable.  I'm the only one who dares to come even this close to their borders, but it cuts my delivery time in half to the colonies 30 parsecs from here." He frowned as he looked at them.  "I'm not familiar with your species," he continued. "Or your vessel."

"We're not from around here," Janeway explained. "We're trying to get home."

"I see," he said, then paused. "Wait…did you say your ship was called Voyager?"

"That's right."

"Are you from a place known as the Alpha Quadrant? A planet called Earth?"

The bridge crew looked at each other in surprise.

"As a matter of fact, we are.  How did you know that?"

"A friend of mine…well, more of a friend of a friend…well…never mind that.  I heard of a Captain of another cargo transport that was looking for a ship called Voyager from across the galaxy."

Captain Janeway glanced warily at Chakotay and then at Tuvok.  They knew from experience that when somebody was looking for Voyager, it was usually because they had a grudge.  She wondered momentarily whether the Vaadwaur were after them again.

"Why were they looking for us?" asked Chakotay.

"I'm not sure," he admitted. "Something about a ship that was destroyed…The information had been passed around quite a few people.  I wasn't even sure there was such a ship.  I communicate mostly with traders, spread out over this area of space, so the flow of information is often…unreliable."

"Is there anything else you can tell us?"

He shook his head. "I'm afraid not."

"Well, thank you for the information, and the warning about the Brennin."

"You're most welcome.  Safe journey."

*    *    *

Captain's log, Stardate 54954.6  We've finalized operations for Operation Watson after two weeks, and everything has proceeded smoothly so far.  Seven informs me that we will be able to contact the Brennin tomorrow – hopefully they will be more cooperative than we've been led to believe.  It appears that their space is extensive, so hopefully they will allow us to pass through without incident.

The Captain leaned forward with her hands on the Astrometrics console.  This was the moment of truth for Operation Watson – they were about to attempt a visual link with Starfleet Command.  There was standing room only in the small room as all the senior staff waited to see if their attempt would be successful.

"Anything?" Captain Janeway asked.  It had already been four minutes since the pulsar had been properly aligned, so time was quickly running out.

Seven worked at her console. "I am picking up a phased tachyon beam encoded with a triaxilating signal."

"Onscreen."

A distorted image appeared on the screen, cutting in and out.  "Voyager, this….fleet command….receiving this?"

"Can you clear it up?" asked Chakotay, standing immediately behind the Captain.

"I am attempting to compensate," Seven told him.

The image resolved to reveal Lieutenant Barclay and Admiral Paris on the viewscreen.

"Captain Janeway, it's a pleasure to finally talk to you in person."

"The pleasure's all mine, sir," she said.  "Congratulations, Lieutenant Barclay – you've established the first trans-galactic comm link."

"I wish I could take the credit," he told her. "But it's Harry and Seven who came up with the idea."

"Be sure to mention us when you accept the Daystrom Prize," said Harry with a grin.

"I wish we had more time for small talk, but the singularity will only be in alignment for 11 minutes per day," said Admiral Paris. "We'll leave it up to you to allocate it among your crew.  Before we go, however, Mr. Barclay has arranged a small gift for you and your crew."

Reg hit a few buttons on the console in front of him, and he and the Admiral were replaced by an a view of Earth from space.

"A live image from McKinley station," said Barclay's voice.

The crew looked at it in awe, their breath caught in their throats.  "It's beautiful," said the Captain.

"Quite a view," added Chakotay, and they all stared in silence at the city so far away, although at that moment it seemed that they were closer than ever before.

*    *    *

Later that night, the Captain drummed her fingers on the desk in her quarters.  She had been trying to get some work done all evening, but had been unable to concentrate. She had many things on her mind, but one thing in particular weighed heavily on her – Chakotay.  She was beginning to doubt herself and the choices she had made that night in her quarters.  At the time, she had decided not to think about it too much, and to follow her heart for once instead of her head.  Now, she wished that she had taken a few days to consider what she was getting herself into.  She knew that she hadn't been completely truthful with Chakotay – since she had all but admitted she returned his feelings and had kissed him, he assumed she was ready to pursue a relationship.  She had been careful to conceal how hard she was struggling to suppress her doubts, and he was unaware how wary she was of giving in to her feelings. She had become aware of a sense of anticipation from him, and she realized that he was expecting there to be some progress in their relationship.  He wasn't pressuring her at all, but he was hopeful of some progress and looking forward to it.  The realization that she had to make a decision and that their relationship really had changed had brought her swiftly back to harsh reality, and she had begun to question the wisdom of her actions that night.

Chakotay had asked her to join him for dinner to celebrate the success of the contact that morning, but she had refused, telling him she just wanted some quiet time to herself and a chance to get some work done.  Normally, a dinner invitation from him wouldn't strike her as out of the ordinary, but this time it had felt different when he had casually asked her to join him.  She felt that she needed time to think and had been trying to avoid him since she had begun having doubts recently, but she had tried not to be too obvious about it so he wouldn't get the wrong idea.

She picked up a PADD but didn't really see it.  It wasn't that she didn't have feelings for Chakotay – she had realized that long ago.  It was just…she didn't know what it was. Nothing.  Everything.  She sighed and tilted her head back on the chair.  She had an entire ship to think about – she couldn't just ignore them and do whatever the hell she felt like.  If she could, she and Chakotay probably would have been involved years ago.  She had responsibilities, and she refused to ignore them.

After one more attempt to concentrate on the PADD in her hands, she gave up.  This was one of the problems with a relationship between the two of them – if she couldn't keep her mind off him after kissing him, how could she ever get any work done if they became lovers? She sighed again.  All this stress was giving her a pounding headache.  She got up from her chair and moved around the desk – what she needed was a long walk around the ship.  Roaming the halls and occasionally stopping to chat with some of the crew never failed to focus her mind and relax her.  She had nearly made it to the door when the chime echoed through her quarters, and she froze – she knew exactly who that would be.

Chakotay pressed the chime on Kathryn's quarters for the second time, but got no answer.  He frowned – he was pretty sure she had been avoiding him the past week, although she had been very careful about it.  Her declining his dinner invitation had confirmed the suspicion that she didn't want to talk to him, and that worried him.  If she wanted time to herself, it was probably so she could think.  If she was thinking about something, it was probably their relationship and where it was going.  The final assumption was the one that had him worried – if she was thinking about their relationship, she was probably having doubts.  He figured that the only reason she had kissed him just over two weeks ago was because she had stopped thinking like the Captain of Voyager and started thinking like Kathryn, the person he had seen on New Earth years ago and, although he hated to admit it, on Quarra.  Seeing her on that planet had reaffirmed his idea of the kind of control she imposed on herself.  Removed from her responsibilities, she was a completely different person; one that he had glimpsed on rare occasions over the past few years.  If she thought too hard about what she was doing, he was afraid that her sense of control would win out and it would mean the end of their relationship before it had really begun.

When she still hadn't answered her door, he was tempted to give up and leave her alone, but instead decided that now was as good a time as any to force her to talk about it.  He wondered momentarily whether she was even in her quarters – he knew that she liked to roam the ship when she was upset about something, and he had run into her on her strolls more than once.

He was about to hit his commbadge to contact her when the doors opened and he saw her standing in the doorway.

"Come in," she said quietly, stepping aside to admit him.

"What took you so long?"

"I didn't hear the door," she said quietly, but they both knew it wasn't true.

"Neelix is throwing a party on the holodeck to celebrate the success of Operation Watson…I came by to convince you to join me."

She hesitated.  "Maybe some other time," she said, walking over to the windows.

He followed her and stood behind her as she watched the stars go by.  "Everyone's expecting you."

She considered carefully for a moment.  She was afraid if she refused again, he would want to know why and she would be forced to tell him about the doubts she was having concerning him and their relationship.  She could see that he was suspicious that something was wrong by the way he was carefully scrutinizing her.

"I suppose I could put in an appearance," she said with a small smile.

"Good," he said, putting his hand on her shoulder.  "Come on."

She chuckled softly and patted his hand before she followed him out the door and down the hallway, where they entered the turbolift.

"Deck six," she ordered.

She and Chakotay were standing side by side in the turbolift, their shoulders nearly touching.  As the turbolift descended, his fingers brushed hers, and he took her hand in his and gave it an affectionate squeeze.  He was surprised and hurt when she carefully wrenched her hand from his grasp and crossed her arms.

He saw that she looked upset. "What?" he asked.  She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"I'm not sure I'm ready for this," she said carefully.

"Ready for what?"

"Computer, halt turbolift." She turned to face him. "You and me…in public, in front of the crew.  We've never discussed it."

"Maybe we should discuss it now."

She sighed and turned away from him.  He was silent, and waited for her to begin.  He was afraid that he knew exactly what she was thinking, and it gave him a knot in the pit of his stomach.

She faced him again, but wouldn't look him in the eye.  "I can't allow personal feelings to compromise my responsibilities."

"By going to the holodeck with me?" he asked incredulously. "By holding my hand in a turbolift?"

She was still avoiding eye contact with him.  "Chakotay – it's not that simple.  A Captain involved with her First Officer…What happens when I have to send you on a dangerous away mission?  Or when we disagree, personally or professionally?  If we had a fight the whole crew would suffer for it.  How would it affect the command structure?"  She sighed and closed her eyes.  "It's too complicated."

"Since when?"

"It's always been complicated, Chakotay."

"What about that night in your quarters?"

"I acted impulsively.  It was a mistake."

"A mistake?"  He couldn't believe this was happening.  It felt like some kind of nightmare.  "What changed?  When we were on the Vaadwaur ship…I asked you if you felt the same way about me, and you…"

"Nothing changed," she said softly, interrupting him.  "And it never will…but it can't work.  I had thought that maybe if we took it slow…"

"Take it slow?" he repeated. "Seven years isn't slow enough for you?"

She felt as though he'd slapped her.  On some level, though, she knew he was right.  He had been waiting a long time for her to come around, and he believed that she finally had.  Now, here she was pulling away again.  This was difficult enough for her as it was, but his reaction to her was making it ten times worse.  She knew that if she tried to speak she would not be able to control herself, so she looked down at the floor and tried to calm down and regain control.

They stood in silence, not looking at each other for what seemed like an eternity. "Resume," said Chakotay quietly, and the turbolift started moving again.  It stopped after a few seconds and the doors opened.  "Are you coming?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

She didn't move and continued staring at the floor with her arms folded in front of her.  He stormed out of the turbolift and the doors closed behind him.

"Deck three," she whispered, and the turbolift moved again.  She slumped backwards against the wall and tilted her head back, looking up at the ceiling through the tears in her eyes.

As soon as Chakotay had made it a little ways down the corridor, he stopped and turned around, but the turbolift doors were already closed.  He regretted what he had said about waiting seven years.  He hadn't meant it, and it had obviously hurt her, a lot.  He hadn't really been angry with her – he was angry at the situation.  He knew that she had a point – he had always recognized that any relationship between them could not interfere with the running of the ship, and he had respected that.  Hearing the words come out of her mouth, though, when he thought she was so close to relenting, had made him frustrated since he knew she was right, and he had taken that frustration out on the nearest object – Kathryn.  He was afraid she might never forgive him for the scene in the turbolift just now.

He tried to pull himself together when he heard voices coming up behind him in the corridor, and he started walking towards the holodeck.

"Chakotay!" came Tom's voice as he came up behind him with Ensign Kim.

"Where's the Captain?" asked Harry.

"Uh…she had work to do."

"And you couldn't drag her away from it?  Maybe Harry and I will give it a try later.  If I can pull him away from Megan Delaney, that is."

"Not likely," muttered Harry with a grin.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Chakotay covered. "She really does have a lot to do.  I don't think you'll get anywhere.  She can be as stubborn as a Klingon when she wants to be."

"Hey, I live with two of those, so I'm the perfect person to try."

Chakotay stopped and looked Tom in the eye. "Seriously, Tom – don't."

"Okay," he said, surprised at Chakotay's tone of voice. "If she's going to be that hard to convince…"

You have no idea, thought Chakotay bitterly.

*    *    *

On the bridge the next day, the tension was palpable.  Tom felt it as soon as Captain Janeway stepped out of the turbolift.  Her greeting was terse and forced, and she took her seat with only a sideways glance at the Commander.  She spoke only when necessary, and looked at the PADD in her hands like it was the most interesting thing she had read in months.  Tom sighed – if she was in that bad a mood, this was going to be a long day.

Tom relaxed a little when about twenty minutes after she had entered the bridge, the Captain retreated to her ready room and left the bridge to Chakotay.  When the doors shut behind her, Tom looked around with a frown.  Usually when the Captain was having a bad day, she left and tried to keep it to herself, and the bridge returned to normal.  This time, however, the atmosphere on the bridge still seemed tense after her departure.  He caught Harry's eye at Ops and raised an eyebrow.  Harry shrugged, but returned his attention to his station when he noticed Tuvok staring at him from across the bridge.  Tuvok then looked at Tom with a raised eyebrow, and Tom turned back around to the viewscreen.

Tom began to wonder if it was Chakotay and not the Captain who was in a bad mood.  She had acknowledged him, tersely, when she arrived, he remembered, but the Commander hadn't so much as blinked.  Not only that, but Chakotay wasn't saying anything to anyone, and was unusually somber.  He wondered if they had had some kind of disagreement.  That also explained why there was such a tension on the bridge still.  Whatever the problem was, he hoped that the two of them worked it out, and soon – he couldn't take much more of this quiet on the bridge.

*    *    *

The assembled officers stared at the screen in Astrometrics as it displayed dozens of planetary systems contained in a three-dimensional colored blob.

"This is the territory controlled by the Brennin," explained Seven. "Over 65 inhabited systems, and nearly a thousand vessels."

"Defenses?" asked Mark.

"They have a sophisticated security grid around the perimeter, along with several patrol vessels.  I would be difficult to cross their borders without their knowledge."

"And they're certainly not going to let us through voluntarily," said the Captain bitterly.  They had contacted the Brennin on several occasions over the past few days, but they were suspicious and hostile and were not willing to negotiate passage through their space.  They believed that Voyager was conspiring with their enemies, and would not be convinced otherwise.

"Getting past the perimeter is not the only difficulty," said Seven.  "They have several fleets of ships that patrol within their space, and the security grid extends throughout their territory.  They would most likely be able to follow our every move."

"We'd be running for it the entire way," said B'Elanna grimly.

"Can we go around it?" asked the Captain.

"Yes – but it would take us well over six months at maximum warp."  As she spoke, Seven entered some commands on the console next to her and a line was traced around the blob that was Brennin space.

The Captain frowned.  "I don't like either of those choices.  Are there any other options?"

"We can take a short cut without entering Brennin space," said Talia.  She moved over to Seven's console and another considerably shorter course was plotted around Brennin space, in the opposite direction from Seven's suggested course.

"It would take us a month longer than the direct route, but we wouldn't be in their territory."

"You're right," said Harry. "We'd be in a war zone."

"A war zone?" repeated Janeway, looking at Talia with a raised eyebrow.

"The course Lieutenant Oren suggests would take us in between Brennin space and the territory claimed by the Kesseret," explained Seven.  "The region is in dispute and the two races are at war.  Long range sensors have detected weapons fire in multiple locations."

"I'm not sure I like the idea of taking Voyager into the middle of an alien conflict," said the Captain hesitantly.

"If they're busy fighting each other, they won't notice us," argued Talia. "And even if they did, we're capable of defending ourselves.  Besides, this way we won't have to deal with bypassing the perimeter grid and travelling through the heart of Brennin space."

"Yeah," said Tom. "But we would also have two hostile species on our tail instead of one."

They all looked at the Captain and waited for a decision.  She closed her eyes and concentrated.  She didn't like any of the choices in front of her – make a detour and lose six months, violate the territory of a species who had specifically forbidden them to cross their borders and try and avoid them until they were safely across, or take Voyager into the middle of a war zone.

"We'll take Lieutenant Oren's course," she announced after a minute. Many of them stared at her in surprise.

"Captain?" said Tom.

"She's right – it will be easier to cross through a region that's in dispute and isn't surrounded by a security grid.  I don't like the idea of violating Brennin space and trying to outrun them on their own turf, and I refuse to make a six month detour."

Chakotay spoke up for the first time. "So you're going to just step into the middle of an alien conflict and worry about the problems later?  We could have trouble with the Brennin and the Kesseret.  Aren't you afraid that it might get complicated?"

She frowned, not liking his insubordinate tone, and sensing a hidden meaning in his words. "What do you suggest, Commander? Adding six months to our trip?"

He looked at her without moving. "Why get involved when you could take the easy way out?"

She fully understood his meaning now, and was glad the rest of the crew didn't.  They were looking at their commanding officers with puzzled expressions – nobody seemed to know what was going on.

"Excuse us," she said dangerously.  "Commander," she added, tilting her head to the opposite side of the room.  He followed her to the far side of the room, where she turned and faced him with her hands on her hips.

Tom watched them with interest and tried to catch what they were saying.  The Captain looked furious, and Chakotay didn't look much happier.  He must have been pretty angry to question the Captain's decision in front of everyone, thought Tom.

They were speaking in hushed tones, so he was unable to hear what they were saying until the Captain's voice rose and he caught the words 'happen between us.'  His eyes widened, but just then Janeway glanced in his direction and caught him watching her, so he turned away and pretended to ignore them.

As soon as she and Chakotay reached the corner, Kathryn put her hands on her hips aggressively and glared at him.

"I don't appreciate you questioning my orders in front of the crew, Commander," she whispered furiously. "If you have a problem with me, fine, but – "

"But what? You want me to pretend I don't have any feelings?  I'm not you."

She started, surprised at his hostile tone, and hurt by his words.

"What did you expect me to do? Just go on like nothing happened?" he continued in the same angry whisper.

"No." She took a step closer and somehow managed to stare him down despite her short stature. "I expect you to continue to act as a responsible First Officer, despite any personal differences between us."

"Personal differences?" he said incredulously, almost spitting the words out.

"Call it whatever you like," she told him. "If you can't understand or respect my decision, I can accept that.  But don't you dare bring it into our command relationship, because then it affects my crew.  They shouldn't have to deal with the fallout from anything that did or did not happen between us." Her voice had been getting steadily louder during this speech, and she looked around quickly to see if anyone had heard them.  Tom Paris was staring at them with a wide-eyed expression on his face, but as soon as she looked at him he turned away sheepishly. Damn, she thought.  Tom Paris was too observant for his own good.

"This is exactly what I was talking about," she said in a more controlled voice. "We have a fight off-duty, but it doesn't stay off-duty, and look what happens."

Chakotay thought for a moment and realized she was at least partially right.  He had accused her before of making their professional disagreements personal, but now he was taking a personal argument and making it professional.

Kathryn stared at him in silence with one hand on her hip and the other at her side.  She took her hand off her hip and massaged the sharp headache that was taking root in her temples.

"I had hoped that we could work through this," she said sadly after a minute. "Your friendship is important to me. You're important to me."

"Just not more important than your ship."

"No," she said simply, sounding disappointed. "And I thought you knew that, Chakotay.  Voyager will always come first."

He looked away for a moment, trying to calm down, but was unable to hold his tongue. "How convenient for you."  He turned back to her and looked her in the eye.  "You told me once that you had been using your fiancé back home as a safety net, an excuse to avoid becoming involved.  It seems to me that you've found a new safety net – Voyager.  As soon as I get too close, you tell me that the ship comes first."

Her eyes widened – that comment stung her to the core.  She was furious, and could feel her heart pounding as she tried to calm down. 

"Voyager is not my safety net," she whispered furiously. "It's my responsibility.  I promised this crew that I would get them home and nothing – nothing – is going to interfere with that."

She realized that their argument was quickly getting out of control, so she stepped back from him and took a deep breath.  She glanced over at her staff, and could see that they were all watching her and Chakotay despite their pretense of working.  She turned her head slightly towards them without taking her eyes off the ground.

"Would you all excuse us, please?" she said quietly, but loud enough to get their attention.  Some of her officers looked at each other with surprise and concern, but they complied and began to file out of Astrometrics.  She looked at some of their faces as they moved towards the door, and was surprised at the apprehension she encountered there.

After the last person had left, she took another deep breath and turned away from Chakotay, moving to the other side of the now empty room.  Reaching one of the consoles on the opposite wall, she put her hands on it and leaned forward, bowing her head and trying to calm down.

"What makes you think it would interfere?"

Chakotay's voice startled her and she turned around to face him.  "I'm sorry?"

He took a step towards her, his hostile expression matching his tone.  "What makes you think our having a relationship would stop us from getting home?"

"I can't afford distractions, Chakotay.  It would be detrimental to the ship."

"How can you be sure?" he demanded.

"How can I be sure?" she repeated.  "This!  Look at us, Chakotay - we can't even have a staff meeting without drastic effects.  Did you see their faces?" she asked, stepping towards him and pointing towards the door.  "When we fight, it affects the entire crew."

He had no answer right away, and stared resolutely at the floor.  She sighed and stepped around him, moving back to the other side of the room.  She turned around to face him again, and when she did he finally spoke.

"I'll admit that our fights have a negative effect on the crew," he said. "But you haven't given me any reason to think that we shouldn't give this a try."

"It would interfere with my duties," she said firmly.

"That's not good enough."

"It's too complicated," she said in an angrier tone.

"You said that already," he snapped.

Her eyes darted back and forth across his face as she searched for some justification.  "A Captain can't become involved with her First Officer," she insisted after a moment.

"Dammit, Kathryn," he said angrily, "This is no time for protocol."

"You want me to just ignore my principles?"

"This isn't about your principles, Kathryn, this is about us.  You and me.  Nobody else."

"My decisions have an impact on the entire crew."

"I realize that, but this is about what you want.  I think we could make this work, if you'll just give it a chance."

"I can't."

"Kathryn --" he began angrily, but she interrupted him.

"I won't!"

Taking a deep breath, she stepped back and turned away from him, leaning against the wall with one arm.  After calming down for a moment, she took another deep breath and spoke quietly.  "This is my fault."  She turned around slowly, rubbing the side of her head.  "I should never have led you to believe that anything could happen between us.  I'm sorry."

She tried to make eye contact with him, hoping to bridge the gap between them, and after a few moments he looked up from his feet and met her gaze.

"Kathryn," he said quietly after a few seconds, watching her carefully, "We could make this work."

She sighed.  This wasn't going to be resolved as easily as she had hoped.  "No," she said shaking her head.

He stiffened.  "That's it?  Just 'no'?"

"I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner," she said quietly.

He stepped closer to her.  "Why?"

"You know why."

"No, I don't.  You can't be sure of that until you try, and you haven't given me reason enough to believe you."  He slowly moved closer to her, and his voice softened.  "Kathryn, after all that we've been through, don't you think you owe it to me, to yourself, to give this a chance?  To explore our feelings for each other?"

Now they were treading on dangerous ground.  "You're assuming a lot, Commander," she said coldly, taking a step back.

He looked genuinely surprised at that, and hurt.  "I guess I am," he said finally, appraising her.  "What changed, Kathryn?"

"Nothing," she said quietly, looking at the floor.  "Nothing," she repeated more firmly, looking him in the eye.  "I made a mistake, and now I'm rectifying it."

He sighed again and closed the distance between them, reaching out to put his hand on her arm.  She recoiled at the contact and took a step away from him, backing up against the wall.  He closed his eyes and tilted his head down with a heavy sigh.

He backed away from her slightly.  "It doesn't have to be this way, Kathryn," he said softly.

She looked up at him slowly, the pain obvious in her eyes.  "Yes," she said.  "It does."

The absolute finality in her voice was the definitive blow, and it showed on Chakotay's face.  His expression darkened, and his posture stiffened.  Shaking his head sadly, he turned away from her abruptly and walked out the door.