my haven
There was a note left on my pillow, I had only noticed it after I threw myself on the bed with such anger. I had along day at school, everyone still trying to figure me out, yeah I was the new girl but did that mean they had to know everything about me? Did they have a right to know? No, they didn't! I had kept myself to myself back in California so why did I have to tell everyone here my life story? My life was no ones business but my own! I was getting really sick and tired of being the new girl. The one person I wanted to talk to at school was not there, he seemed to keep me sane, well sane as I could be. Why wasn't he there today? Why couldn't he of rescued me like he usually tried to do? I had never depended on someone else as much as I was starting to depend on him, why? What made him so special, to me? I had almost forgotten about the note that was lying on my pillow at that moment. The handwriting was familiar, tidy unlike mine; it looked like it had been written with a fountain pen. As I un-folded the clean white paper I noticed it was written even tidier than my name, it looked effortless, like the words written just rolled off the tongue with such confidence.
Bella.
Sorry I wasn't at school today; something came up, family stuff.
Meet me at edge of the woods, at 10pm, I'll be there waiting.
Be safe.
Edward.
He wanted to see me… alone at night? Could I trust myself to be alone with him? Could he trust himself to be alone with me? What did he want that couldn't wait till school tomorrow? I started to feel my heart wanting to burst out of my chest, I can't believe I had to wait so long till I could meet him, what was I suppose to do? Just wait? I wasn't the patient type and he knew that! Maybe he knew how hard this would be for me and thought it would be fun for him to let me squirm, sometimes I still didn't know how his mind worked. Would I ever understand him? I turned over on the bed resting my head firmly on the pillow, and re-read over the note, what family stuff? I thought to myself, was everyone ok? Did they have a problem with me? They wasn't the most warming people I knew towards me, did they think I wasn't good enough for edward? I coincided myself a good person, but did they think I was? As always I was thinking the worse of myself and the situation. I would let him tell me when he was ready and not force my questions upon him. I could hear my dads noisy car pull into the drive, was it already 6 o'clock? Maybe it was because I had to do some stupid errands for Mrs. Hope my Biology teacher, which of course caused me to be the last student to leave the car park. I didn't feel the urge to drive home quickly, my dad wouldn't be home and I couldn't bare starting my chores. My dad was the type of man who didn't know or want to learn how to cook, or do laundry. He always went to the local diner for dinner, and a woman called Helen who lived next door did his washing, my dad would teach her son how to play guitar in return.
I hadn't heard my dad play in years, he tried to teach me once but I wasn't really interested I was always to busy reading. I started pretty early in life with reading, my mum would encourage me. I was never interested in books with pictures I liked to let my own imagination run away with me instead. At first I never liked to read the same book over again, that would bore me, I always had to remind my mum never to read the same book twice whenever she read to me before bedtime. As I got older, probably at the age of 13 I started to delve into the classics: William Shakespeare, Jane Austen. I madly and deeply fell in love with Romeo and Juliet, it excited me… forbidden love and tragedy, that was something I had never thought about or read about at that time in my life. After that I tried to educate myself through these endless classics, was love really like this? Mid thought harry shouted out my name.
"Bella!" "Yeah?" I shouted still laying still on the bed, "Just wanted to make sure you were home" he answered. Of course I was home, isn't that my car parked in the drive! Did he think I had wondered off in to the woods again like I did the first week I arrived? That day I was trying to loose myself, but only now I realise I was already lost.
I pulled myself up and shoved the note tightly in to my jeans pocket and rushed down the stairs before harry started moaning about where his dinner was. He never really moaned I think he just preferred me cooking dinner, I knew it reminded him of mums cooking, she was a really good cook, she taught me all I knew. Reaching for the fridge I distractively asked harry how his day was.
"How was work? Anything interesting happened?" I wasn't that concerned but I had to say something to kill the time. "It was ok, nothing new happened" he paused, then slowly continued like as if he had remembered something, "I heard that one of the Blake kids had gone missing or left", I stood still at the sound of there name being mentioned, I was quiet hoping he would continue and not change the subject like he usually did. "Not sure if it's correct, you know what this town is like, there are rumours everywhere." Was this what Edward meant by "family stuff"? "So what are they saying?" I said slightly inpatient, charlie looked at me from the kitchen table like I had to much concern in my voice and probably now on my face. "Some say there was a quarrel amongst the siblings, Robert, Mrs. Westerns son said he saw them arguing after school in the car park, apparently it was getting serious anoth that others students were intent in getting involved to separate the two brothers". Why would Blake argue so aggressively with his brother, with any of them in fact? They were the tightest family I had ever known. My dad continued, "Robert was positive it was all over a girl, he said he heard them mention the words "her" and "she" a lot but he didn't grab a name".
Could they have been talking about me, I knew Scarlet didn't like me; she was always cold towards me unlike her younger sister Alyssa. She was the same age as me, just looked a little older than she acted, she reminded me of Edward, they both looked so angel like, their skin were the same tone and their hair colour was also identical, a rich brown with shimmering red when the light caught the delicate strands. Scarlet was of course nothing like them except for the same complexion, but she had mousy blonde hair instead, and her personality was out of balance with the rest of the family, from what I had experienced of it I didn't like, I never felt relaxed around her. Henry told me she was the second addition to his growing family. Why would he consider fighting with his brother? They were one! They did everything together; they were inseparable. So why at this point did he feel detached and alone? Had Kellen turned his back on Edward? Why did he take Scarlet's side? I didn't realise he was so connected to her, unlike the other two. Kellan was yet again an adopted child of Mr. and Mrs. Cullen; he was the third child to join Edward. He was pretty vague when he talked about the whole adoption stuff. I knew what he meant, he never classed them as anything else but his family and they were to him his flesh and blood and I respected that. There was a lot I still didn't know about this family who kept away from prying eyes but I would wait, if he wanted me to know anything about them he would tell me and he knew he could trust me.
"You ok? You kinda spaced out there" I heard my dad say. "Oh, sorry just day dreaming, been along day, so did they say who went missing or ran away?" I was curious and yet still concerned. "I think it was the youngest lad, what was his name?" he muttered to himself, "Edward? I answered with real concern now. "yeah, that's the boy, apparently he didn't turn up for school today, isn't he in your year?" that's why he wasn't in school, and Alyssa she must have been with him or at least looking for him, she doted on him, she looked up to him like… he was a god! He seemed very protective of her, I could see it in his behaviour towards her, he was a true older brother, and I liked it. "His in my English class, I hadn't noticed he wasn't there" I lied, of course I noticed his absence, I noticed everything about him but I couldn't tell my father that, he would think I was obsessed with the boy…which I knew I was. "Teenagers, they are so melodramatic. Give him a few days to cool off and everything will be like it never happened" he said as he walked to the living room and turned on the TV.
Teenager yes, but melodramatic, I don't think so; there must be more to this… argument, than meets the eye.
It was coming up to 10pm, and I had already managed to cook dinner, put a load in the dryer and make a head start on my biology essay. "Dad?" I had to let him know I was going out, I couldn't just leave that would be irresponsible, and he would probably ground me or something, he wasn't very experienced with dealing with a teenager girl so I had only one option, something I knew he couldn't kick up a storm about because yet again he didn't know how us female teens worked. He was looking in my direction but didn't say anything. "I've just got a call from Janey, she seems really upset, It sounds like she's having boyfriend trouble and she needs a shoulder to cry on" I said in a panic streaked voice. "Cant she wait till Monday? It's late". "Dad! She's my friend, I need to be there for her, I won't be long, and if it gets too late I'll call you". "Ok, but don't be late, drive to her house and only her house, I want you back before midnight, no ifs or buts". He meant it, I could tell in his voice, so much authority yet concern.
On the way out I grabbed my coat and made sure the car keys were still in the pocket. Even though where I had to meet him was just down the road, I had to make charlie think I was actually going to Janey's house. It was dark, obviously, but not as dark as usual, there was a full moon lighting up the sky. How beautiful that moon looked to me, it was so appealing. I jumped into the car and shoved the keys in the ignition, the car sprung to life and I jammed the gear in to reverse, as I looked in to the rear view mirror, I was taken aback by the tall boyish, yet athletic shape that stood directly behind my car. What was her doing here outside my house? Wasn't we supposed to meet at the edge of the forest? All of a sudden I heard the passenger door open, it didn't creek like it frequently did.
"Where you off to?" he asked. "What you doing here?" I asked instead of answering him. "I got a little inpatient, so what's with the car? It's only a ten minute walk, are you that lazy?" "No, I'm not lazy I had to tell my dad I was going to a friends house, other wise he probably wouldn't let me out, I was in no mood to argue with him". I didn't like arguing, it wasn't really in my nature especially towards my father. "Why couldn't you tell him you were meeting me?" he asked slightly confused. How could I tell harry I was meeting a boy, at night, alone? " I didn't want him to worry even more than he does", "He should worry, you're his little girl, he worries that someone might take you away from him, lead you astray, someone like me". What did he mean "someone like me?" He could never lead me astray, he was so decent, so innocent looking. "What do you mean someone like you? You could never lead me astray" I said so direct. "Bella you don't know me there's more to me than I'm letting on… but I will never hurt you" he was staring at me as he said this, searching for my reaction. I knew he wouldn't hurt me, I felt it wasn't in his nature to do me any harm. "I believe you" I said. "So are you going to drive or should I?" he had asked staring at my hands that were still on the stirring wheel, the car was still stuck in reverse but the handbrake was still on. "Yeah I'll drive, so where do you want me to drive too?" I asked. "Just drive north until I say stop" he mumbled as he turned to look towards the windscreen.
I backed out of the drive and headed north like he said. The moon over head lit the trees up either side of the narrow road; I didn't seem to need the headlights on full beam to see where I was going, I had drove this way millions of times since I came here to stay. He was so motionless sitting beside me, still continuing to stare out of the windscreen, it seemed like he wasn't breathing but as soon as I thought it he took a deep breath and twisted his body towards me. "Sorry about not being at school today, I had to get away from town for awhile, I needed time away from everyone…including you". There was the sound of sincerity in his voice. "Its ok, I survived" a little smirk started to shape across my face, " I did wonder if everything was ok, if something had happened to you, being it was unusual for you not to be at school". He looked at me again as I continued to drive. All of a sudden I heard him say stop. "Just pull over we will walk the rest", walk the rest I thought, how could we see where we were going, it was pitch back except for the full moon, would that be enough to light the way? He jumped out of the car and was at my door before I could wonder where he had gone.
As I stepped out he held out his hand. "Do u trust me?" "Yes" I replied with such confidence, I knew I trusted him and I could tell he knew I wasn't lying. I placed my hand gently in his and he led the way towards the forest opening. Every now and again he would peer in my direction making sure I was keeping up with him, he walked much faster than me and it was hard to keep up with him but I didn't want to come across as weak and unable. I slipped, my ankle must of gave way under me caused by the slippery grass, he noticed straight away and grabbed me under my elbow to steady me and we continued walking. He was very patient with me even though I knew I was slowing him down. It seemed we were walking for miles, were we ever going to get there? Wherever there was. I couldn't see the sky because of the over hanging trees, I could barely see the moon, just the rays that lit the way upwards towards a small clearing. "Do you see the clearing?" his voice echoed slightly as he spoke. "I do, but where does it lead to? Is that where you're taking me?" I asked with a genuine interest. "Wait and see it's a surprise". I could just make out a smile on his face in the moonlight as he looked down to my face. How I loved his smiles, they were filled with such joy and satisfaction. He turned to face me and took both my hands and asked me to close my eyes, I was reluctant but took a deep breathe and did as I was told. It felt strange, I had to put my life in his hands, for him to lead me, and that's when he became my eyes.
I could feel his hands loosen there grip from mine, for a short while it felt he had disappeared, but then I was aware that he was standing directly behind me with his hands either side of my shoulders. My heart started to flutter and my body started to tremble beneath his grasp, he could probably feel my every sensation pulsing through him. Still with my eyes shut, I could feel his warm breathe on the edge of my ear. "Open your eyes" he whispered so gently and sweetly. I opened my eyes, we were no longer in the dark forest that we were a moment ago, there in front of me was the most beautiful view I'd ever seen. I had never noticed before how beautiful the night sky was, not until this night. The stars were shining so bright they blinded my sight; they were like little diamonds sparkling, and the full moon lit up the clearing, high lighting the delicate wilderness that surrounded us. "Do you like?" he asked me. "It's, it's amazing, and how did you find this place?" I said as I twisted myself towards him. "I come here a lot to think… to escape", he paused and looked away from me suddenly. "Were you here, today?" I said while trying to regain his attention. "Yes, I needed to think… about you, about us", he paused again. But I needed him to explain what he meant. "Scarlet doesn't want me to get involved with you, she doesn't feel it would be safe…for the family, she overreacts". "What do you mean "be safe for the family"? I said puzzled. " She doesn't believe our kind should get involved with mortals, she feels we would be distracted, and at risk if we follow our hearts and not our heads… our true purpose of being here, to protect and only protect". I was starting to understand, so this was the reason why she didn't like me, she felt I was distracting Henry from his true purpose. "She also believes you will expose us all" he continued, "I would never do that, she can trust me…they all can". "I know that, and so do they it's just so ignoring trying to convince her, that's what the whole argument was about" he explained. "I didn't mean you to argue over… me, I shouldn't have come between you and your family", as I spoke I turned myself away from him, he didn't move or say anything.
I walked a few steps in front and sat down with my arms firmly wrapped around my knees, everything was so quite, so peaceful and calm. He came over and sat next me and reflected my position as if he was a mirror, and I could feel his eyes burning into me, "I care about you more than you realise, I've never felt like this about anyone before, I care about you more than anything in this world, you don't understand how much it scares me to be away from you, when I know how unhappy and lonely you feel, I would do anything to change places with you, take your suffering away, your guilt, your pain". I lifted my head and looked at him as my mouth fell open, I was wordless. These words must be true, he had never lied to me before so why would he start now, I didn't think he could or even knew how to. "Why?" the only words that came to mind at that moment, simple yet a stupid question. "I don't know, I'm drawn to you like a moth to a flame, I feel this strong urge to protect you". He paused again, this time staring at his feet which was burred in the dark long grass, " I have these feelings, I'm not sure what they are, I've never felt like this before, its unfamiliar to me, and for once in my life I feel scared…not at ease. But all I know is I can't leave you, be without you" on that last word he looked up at me. I knew exactly what I wanted to say, how I felt about him, he was also unable to leave, to be with out… just like me. I released my grip from around my knees and fell back in to the long grass that surrounded us, and continued to stare.
I was truly mesmerised by it all, I felt at peace and at ease with the world, I could loose myself in this beauty, in the quietness that surrounded me, and from now on this was my escape. I would always remember this; my freedom was this night sky...this was my haven. Why hadn't I notice this before? Why had this night been so special? Was it him that made me realise there was a way to escape my worries, my nightmares? He sat there patient, unmoving, not concerned just watching me with amazement, I swear he was thinking I was an idiot, like I had never seen the night sky before, like I was seeing this for the first time. Maybe I was, maybe this was the first time that I had ever noticed the true beauty of the diamonds that made the sky alive. Looking up to that magnificent world made my world feel small and meaningless. I could still feel his eyes burning in to me, what was he thinking? Should I say something? But why should I? How could I ruin this piece of heaven that was created? I could feel his warmth radiate towards me, I laid still not moving, not even to look at him, I felt I wanted him close to me, I wanted to touch him, feel his warmth within me. As he lay beside me I could feel his hesitation, he wanted to reach for me but there was something holding him back. I turned my head towards him and he was staring right back at me, I was expecting him to cower away from my glance but he continued to look, staring in to my eyes, as if he could see straight in to my soul. I quickly turned away from his beautiful eyes that always took my breath away and continued to stare at the dark endless night.
"What's wrong?" he said with true concern, "it's nothing" I lied, would he think I was crazy if I told him what I was thinking. "It didn't seem like nothing" he paused "was it me? Should I of not said what I said?" it wasn't that, I loved the way he expressed how he felt about me. "No, its not you I just..." I hesitated "what? Tell me please" he begged, "when you look at me like that, what do you see… in my eyes?" he looked confused, not completely understanding what I wanted, "I see my reflection", he giggled, then looked at me seriously continuing, "I see a scared girl who is lost and looking for guidance, she is pure and honest yet keeps her feelings hidden away… you are truly a closed book!" he giggled but I didn't get the joke. I was a closed book that I knew already, no one had to know what I was thinking or what I was feeling, I would and should suffer in silence. He stopped, took a deep breath and pulled himself to his feet. "Why do you care?" I snapped back lifting myself up resting my chin on my knees again. He stood still, motionless, like he was in deep thought and that's when I was taken by surprise, he bent down to my level and placed his hands on either side of my cold face, staring into my shocked eyes. This was the very first time he had ever let himself be unguarded, becoming the man I knew he was inside. He was so gentle with me like I was made of glass, like I would break if he touched me too forceful. I liked the way he held my face, so graceful. "You are so precious to me, my world evolves around you now, if you no longer exited neither would I… I am madly in love with you" he said this with such certainty, with passion I knew he held from me, until this moment. At that moment was when I dropped my eyes from his and felt an overwhelming sensation flood over my fragile body and flutter into my heart. I was feeling things I didn't know about, experiences I hadn't had. Was I falling in love with him and him with me, was this love? "I feel… the same" I could barely say it, too scared to see and hear his reaction. I felt the tips of his graceful fingers slide under my chin and left my lips slowly towards his, was this going to be our first kiss? Or was he yet again going to hesitate and leave me yearning for that one moment that would confirm everything I needed and wanted from him?
As that last thought entered my head I felt his warm breath on mine, his lips stopped and then I heard the gentle whisper "don't move, not even a inch" I couldn't even if I wanted to, but why would I want to? I had waited for this moment my whole life, I had waited for him. I kept my eyes closed, I could feel the tension between us exhilarate, and it was so powerful I could barely breathe. I took a deep breath and moved my lips more into his direction, he met my lips so gently that I could barely feel them, I ached for him. He parted his lips and inhaled with bliss as he reached his other hand around my neck, griping my long tangled hair in his hand. He wanted me close to him, I could tell as he pulled my lips into his again. This time he was a little more forceful, taking in every sensation, every taste, feeling every surface of my lips. That was our first kiss and I would make sure it wasn't our last. I never expected my first kiss with anyone would be as perfect as it was with him. I didn't know if he had done this before, he seemed confident enough to me but was it just an act. Had he planned to kiss me tonight? Or was it spare of the moment? I didn't really care, all I cared was that it happened and I would have that memory forever.
As I look back I could still remember how my heart fluttered, how I could barely breath, these were not bad things these were blissful, this was how it felt to be in love, these were sensations that made me alive. After we were finished kissing, we both laid there staring up at the stars, he never left my side, he never would from that day on, he had promised me " I will never leave you, where you go I will follow, I'll leave when you tell me you no longer want me". It was then written in stone that he was mine to keep forever.
No longer were the stars my only haven… he was as well.
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