AN: Hey there everyone! This is my first homestuck fanfic, so I hope I do well. This was inspired by the song Order Made by Radwimps, and the first few chapters are gonna have the lyrics written into it. Well, I hope you all enjoy the chapter ^_^
disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me aside from the plot of this. All the characters of homestuck belong to Hussie, and the song belongs to Radwimps.
Plot: The game is over now, but none of the kids remember anything of what happened in the game. John can feel a disturbance in his life at some points, but he still can't remember anything from his sburb days. He then meets someone new who fills the void in his life. He seems familiar with his weird insults and crabby attitude, but John can't remember him. Is there hope for him?
Told in John's PV
Do you ever wonder how humans and the Earth came to be? I mean, I know church gives us the whole "God made us to love him" and stuff and scientists give us the whole "Well, gas particles exploded giving us the sun and the planets, and we humans evolved billions of years later", but I'm not sold on any of that. I feel like someone out there made us and not for a reason either. I think we were just... order made. This is my theory. I'm sure I was probably asked before I was born, by someone from somewhere, "I will make it so you can see either the past or the future, so which do you want?" It starts off something like that, and you get to choose how you'll become as a person.
Hearing a loud buzz from a kazoo, I sit up in my bed quickly. I look at the side of my bed and see my father standing there, holding a cake in his left hand, a small flag in his right hand, and a kazoo in his mouth. He waved the flag which read "Happy 18th b-day!" on it animatedly. Once he saw that I was awake, he blew the kazoo again and then took it out. "Happy birthday, son. You're finally a man," he said proudly. I flipped my legs over the side of the bed and stared tiredly at him.
"Gee, thanks, Dad," I mumbled. He sat next to me, extending out the hand holding the cake.
"Here, I made you a cake," He said. I leaned away and held out my hands.
"No! You probably used the batter witch's cake mix, didn't you?" I shouted. Even after all these years, I still hate Betty Crocker. It's still an inexplicable hatred.
"No, I didn't. I made this from scratch," he said patiently. I looked at him warily before taking the cake. I muttered a "thanks" before taking a bite. I quickly gave him the cake and shouted "Bluh!" I tried to scrape the cake off my tongue.
"You lied to me!" I cried. Dad just laughed at me and ruffled my hair.
"I am still a prankster, John. Maybe you'll learn to prank me back one day. Which will be made possible, with this," he paused to reach under the band on his hat. He pulled out a piece of paper and gave it to me. "You know the safe in my office? This is the code to it. Go open it. That's your real present this year." I looked at the paper before smiling mischievously at him.
"I get what's in the safe? Is it the ultimate pranking device? Is it Con Air related? Is it something from Nic Cage?" I asked animatedly.
"Just go check it out. And hurry up, because you're still going to school today," he said sternly. I quickly hopped out of bed and ran into the office, only to have a bucket of water fall on my head. I growled and removed the bucket from my head.
"Dad!" I shouted. I heard a chuckle and then shrugged it off. I guess that's what I get for being an amateur prankster in a master prankster's house. I walked over to the safe and opened it using the code Dad gave me. I lightly tugged on it, but it wouldn't budge. I yanked hard, and eventually the door gave way to the giant book Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text of Magical Frivolity and Practical Japery. I smiled fondly at the book. This was surely my first time seeing the contents of the safe, but for some reason it seemed... nostalgic to me.
I guess, if someone long ago really had asked me if I wanted to see the past or the future, then I probably chose the past, so that instead of being strong, I could become someone kind so that I could understand what "memories" are... But now that I think about it... that can't be what I chose. I feel like I've often forgotten these "memories", but then again, I am definitely not strong. I quickly skimmed through the book before trying to carry it up to my room. I heard Dad in the kitchen again.
"Remember, John, school in half an hour!" he called.
"I got it!" I yelled back, already half way up the stairs. I dropped the heavy book on my bed and panted at the amount of energy that took. If only there was an easier way to carry things around. Like putting items in cards and pulling them out. There can even be different card systems for everyone. I can totally see Dad using his wallet to carry his. I let out a short chuckle before it died down. The card thing sounds... oddly familiar... A short ping brought me out of my thoughts. I looked over to my computer and saw that I was being pestered on pesterchum. I quickly hopped on and saw that Rose was pestering me.
- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 7:19 -
TT: Happy birthday, John. You're finally 18
EB: i know! it's kinda exciting. i feel like i'm ready for action!
TT: But all of that aside, how are you feeling lately? You said you've been feeling weird lately, didn't you?
EB: rose... i don't need another one of your impromptu therapy sessions. im fine
TT: That's good. And I was only asking as a friend. My notebooks aren't anywhere near me. I'm genuinely concerned, John.
EB: oh... well im still fine. dad was a bit annoying earlier but ill prank him back. after all i am the pranking MASTER :B
TT: Well I was just checking in on you and wishing you a happy birthday. I'm in between classes at the moment, so I need to go.
TT: But happy birthday again. Did you get Jade's present yet?
TT: She said it would be coming soon.
EB: no... but now im excited!
TT: I really have to go now.
TT: Bye, John
- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 7:24 -
EB: bye rose!
I wheeled away from the computer and my eyes laid upon my magic chest. I moved closer to it thinking about how long it had been since I opened this thing. It probably wasn't since... my 13th birthday. I didn't even realize it had made it back to my room after going to the roof... Wait... What would my chest have been doing on the roof, and how would it get there? I'm really weird. I opened the chest and saw my fake arms inside. I smiled at the childishness of my pranking 'genius' back then.
Continuing on with my theory, that someone said to me "Arms, legs, mouths, ears, eyes, hearts, breasts, and holes in your nose, I'll give you two of each, so is that okay?" Which... I guess now that I think about it that's a bit weird. I mean, who turns that down. It's all normal to have two of those things, aside from hearts and mouths. But I guess that's how birth deformities happen. It would make sense...
I stood up and held the two arms to my body. I goofily ran around shouting "I have four arms!" Suddenly, I glanced at the clock and let out a curse. I had to get ready soon if I wanted to leave for school on time.
After much of a struggle and a small strife with Dad, I was able to make it to school on time. I scurried into my seat in the back corner of the class and let out a sigh. Safe. For now at least. I'm still somewhat a nerd, so I do get bullied sometimes. I just hope I don't get bullied today. I looked out into the hallway and saw my good friend, Jane Crocker, in the hallway with her boyfriend. I saw them kiss then quickly looked away. I really didn't need to see any PDA to make my self esteem about my love life any lower. I then absent-mindedly brought a hand to my mouth, running my fingers over my lips.
I guess, as far as my theory is concerned, I asked the person for a favor. I must have said "Please just give me one mouth so that I don't fight with myself and so that I can only kiss one person." I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't like Jane in that way, but seeing her with her boyfriend just makes me realize how lonely I am sometimes. I feel like I had the opportunity to date a few people... but I can't remember who... I want to forget about this, but I can't. What do you call this feeling?
"Hiya, John! Happy birthday!" Jane said cheerily from the desk in front of me. I snapped back to reality and smiled at her.
"Oh, hey, Jane. Thanks," I said.
"I was going to bake you something... but then I ran out of time," she said nervously.
"It's ok. I wouldn't want it anyways knowing you're the heir to the evil batter witch. You probably would've have made me something using her evil mix," I said.
"I still don't understand how you don't like her. She has cool things! Just look at this spoon!" she cheerily pulled a spoon out of her lunchbox and clicked a button. It grew larger. I started at it in amazement.
"Wasn't that a fork?" I asked. She looked at me confused.
"What are you talking about?" she asked. I just stared at her in amazement. The bell rang and I turned to face the front of the classroom.
"Um... Nothing. Just don't worry about it," I said. I hate this feeling. It's like... I'm empty. Like everything around me is a lie. There's a void in my life. I just know there's something missing... but what is it? Our teacher then, called the classes attention and started the lesson. I tried to focus, but I still couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong here.
Sometimes, I feel like what happened next in my creation, was the person (who had to be looking slightly displeased) had no choice but to continue talking. "The heart, which is the most important part, I'll put one in each side of your chest. Is that okay?" Yet again, I asked for a favor. "I'm sorry, but I don't need the heart on my right side. I'm sorry I'm saying such selfish things." And so when I meet that person who is so important to me and embrace them for the first time, I will know that our two hearts are beating on both sides of our chests. I can say that the left side is mine, and the right side is yours. The left side is yours, and the right side is mine. So when I am alone, there will be something missing in me, so I can't seem to live alone... Like right now...
About halfway through the class, there was a knock on the door. Mrs. Hanson paused the class to open the door. A kind of loud, annoyed voice filled the void of silence in the room. "Sorry I'm so late. The fucking movers got lost, and my dad didn't want me to come to school until we were all moved in and shit." I felt my heart skip a beat at the voice. Odd... I don't think I know this mystery person... and I'm definitely not attracted, because the voice was male. I am not a homosexual. Mrs. Hanson quietly scolded the boy for using harsh language but then lead him in the class.
"Class," she began. "This is your new classmate." She paused to read the sheet of paper. "*Katzir Varlet." The boy was really small, smaller than me and I'm pretty short. He had short, disheveled, black hair and looked kinda pale. He had bags under his eyes from what I guessed was lack of sleep, and his eyes were almost red in color. He wore black skinny jeans yet a baggy black sweater with a small gray crab on the collar. "Katzir... Would you like to say anything to introduce yourself." He paused in thought.
"Though I may be in this lousy school for now, I am pretty much your God so you better respect me you nook-sucking asswipes," he said. The class was silent for a while before going into a fit of laughter. Katzir seemed unshaken by it though.
"Yes... Thank you... Please, go take a seat in that empty desk next to John Egbert there," Mrs. Hanson said pointing to the desk next to mine. His face remained impassive as he walked closer to me. I have no clue why, but I felt weird. With each step he took closer to me, my heart pounded louder and louder, and my breathing became shallow. I looked around me to see if anyone else could hear my heart. I could feel myself tensing in some sort of apprehension. I feel like I should run somehow.
"Hey, are you okay? I don't wanna have to fucking get in trouble on my first day just because you're a fucking dork," a voice said. My head snapped up to meet Katzir's reddish eyes. Holy fuck, when did he sit next to me? Why can't I say anything? I'm stuck just looking at him. He reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. "Seriously, are you fucking okay? I don't want some weird shit to happen." Somehow I got control over myself again and pushed his hand away.
"I'm fine. Don't fucking touch me," I brushed off, going back to attempting to write notes.
"I try to fucking help you and that's the shitty thanks I get? Did you not hear my introduction? I am your fucking god, Egbert. Try giving me the respect and fucking thanks I deserve," Katzir said to me.
"Fine. Thank you oh so gracious god," I rolled my eyes at him. He smirked and leaned back in his seat with his arms folded over his chest.
"That's more fucking like it," he said.
Even after he had gone back to paying attention to the lesson, I kept staring at him for some unknown reason. Just... something about the way he looked was familiar to me. I'm sure I have never met someone like him before though... Why is he so fucking familiar? Even his weird introduction sounded weirdly familiar.
Suddenly, a gray text flashed through my mind. It read: ATTENTION WORTHLESS HUMAN. THIS IS YOUR GOD SPEAKING. Just as quickly as it came, the text left. What was that... and why was it so familiar? The bell rang for the end of class and I emptily stood up. I just need to forget about this weirdness. I want to forget... but I can't. What do you call this feeling? The sound in my chest is loud, but nostalgic... What is this feeling?
"Egbert... Egbert!" a voice snapped. I came back to reality to find Katzir waving his hand in my face. I looked at him with apprehension. "Finally, you're such a fucking space cadet. I can't believe Ms. Hanson asked me to have you show me around school."
"I'm doing what now?" I asked with slight annoyance.
"You're showing me around the fucking school. Take me to my next class, and don't be a fucking grub about it," he said handing me his schedule. I read over it quickly. It looked like he was in a lot of my classes... Great. He was even in my next class. "Well? Aren't you going to lead me away now? Aren't you going to start walking? You know, that stupid bodily function where you put one foot in front of the other? Surely just standing here isn't going to do anything unless you suddenly learned how to appearify things."
"Wait... What was that?" I asked. He looked at me confused.
"The fuck are you talking about? You weren't actually taking me seriously were you?" he asked. I shook my head.
"No, sorry. Your next class is this way," I gave him an overly nice smile and started walking. He's technically in my next class, but he's bugging me right now. It's almost as if what he just said could be considered as trolling me. Trolling me... Why did that sound familiar?... Get a hold of yourself Egbert. There is nothing familiar about anything and you're just being weird. This isn't like some sort of weird love story like The Lake House with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. Just go on with your day.
I stopped outside some random classroom on the other side of the school as my next class and held out his schedule to him. "Here you are, Kat. You're next class. Enjoy," I said. I started walking away after he took his paper, but he called out to me.
"Hey! What did you just call me?" he asked.
"I called you Kat. It's a lot easier to say that instead of Katzir, which is a weird name by the way. Besides, it's a cool nickname for a new friend," I said then wanted to mentally slap myself. Katzir gave me an amused look.
"You consider us friends already? Ha. You must have a pitiful life then. There's no way that I could ever be fucking friends with a nook-sucking fuckass like you. Later, Egderp," he barked out in laughter before going into the classroom. My face went red in anger before I stalked off. If only this were pesterchum, then I'd block him or even change my chum handle. Instead of ectoBiologist I could be ghostyTrickster or something... wait... Why do I feel like I was already ghostyTrickster? This day is just so weird. I turned to walk back to my class, but I was knocked down then.
"Ha ha ha, Egderp? Why hadn't we thought of that name? It fits you perfectly, dork!" someone sneered. I scoffed. Great. The football jocks. Just what I need right now. As I tried to get up, one of them grabbed my shirt and pulled me up to their face. They sneered right at me and I glared right back.
"What are you gonna do, Egderp? You're too weak to defend yourself," he laughed. I wriggled in his grip and tried to push myself away. He laughed some more. "Look at you! You look absolutely pathetic! You're like a little puppy waiting to be kicked down." He punched me in the face and dropped me to the ground. My glasses flew somewhere, but that didn't matter. I wiped my face of the blood coming out of my nose.
"Hey, man! Check out his dorky backpack! What is this thing anyways? It looks like the fucking Ghostbuster's logo!" another one laughed. He held my backpack and pointed mockingly at it. He reached inside. "Oh, wait! Look at this! It's a fucking bunny rabbit!" He pulled out my mangy stuffed rabbit, Liv Tyler. At that point I saw red. I stood and ran after him.
"Don't touch her! She's a present from a friend!" I cried trying to grab her.
"Ha ha, are you being serious, dork? You must be a fag or something to carry this around," he laughed. I lost it. I punched him in the face and grabbed Liv Tyler back. It didn't do much though. Soon, I was surrounded by the four of them. One punched me and another shoved me to the ground. Then, I was being assaulted by four feet, each kick hurting more than the last. I could only gasp for air.
"Hey! Fuckasses! What the fuck do you think you're doing?" a voice shouted. Soon, I wasn't being kicked anymore. Curious, I looked up to see Katzir fighting the four jocks. He was doing well, but it was still 4 against 1.
"Katzir, look out!" I cried before coughing violently. Katzir, glanced down at me with what I assumed to be pity before taking a punch to the face. The jocks laughed, but Katzir just stood up and spit out the blood in his mouth.
"Alright, time to get serious," he growled. He tackled the one who had just punched him and laid an assault of punches on his face. Just as he was about to be punched from behind, he turned and grabbed the fist. He then brought the guy's head to his in a headbutt. Once that guy was on the ground, he went to another and judo flipped him onto the other two. He glared at the last one.
"You're the fucking ringleader of this fucking horrible clown parade right?" he asked angrily. The guy nodded, his fear evident. Katzir grabbed his shirt and pulled him down to his eye level. "Then fucking learn this. If you ever touch John again, I will fucking end your miserable life. Got it?" Once again the jock nodded. "Good." Katzir gave a menacing smile before throwing him towards the others. "Now get lost. I don't want to have to see your fucking ugly faces again." The four quickly scrambled away. I glanced up at Katzir to see he was absolutely livid. He already looked crabby before, but now he looked really pissed. He glanced down at me, and his anger dissipated some. "Fuck, are you okay?"
"Katzir? Why did you-" I was cut off by coughing. I gripped my probably now bruised stomach and cringed. Tears stained the corner of my eyes.
"John! Fuck! Okay, I'm going to take you to the nurse's office," he announced. I felt arms wrap around me and soon I was in Katzir's arms. I had no clue he was that strong. I guess even small people like him can be strong when he needs to be. I held onto him out of fear of falling. I'm jealous. He could take all four of them on while I couldn't. Before I knew it, tears were falling from my eyes. Katzir must have noticed it, because he stopped. "John, are you okay? Why are you fucking crying?"
"Sorry..." I wiped my eyes. "It's nothing. Just contacts."
"Fucking liar. You wear glasses... Fuck. I forgot those back there. Just get someone to get them later. I've already done a lot for you so far, so you fucking owe me," he said.
"Why did you help me?" I asked before I could stop myself. I looked up at him and saw something in his eyes. It was a strange look. He then sighed and continued walking again.
"Well, we're still not friends or anything, but as your god, I couldn't just let those fucking bastards beat you up," he said. Then we were in the nurse's office. He sat me down on one of the beds before backing up, refusing to meet my eyes. "Well, I've done all I can. Later, Egbert." He started to leave. "Oh, by the way, if you ever pull a shitty prank like that on me again, you're gonna fucking pay. You're still just an amateur prankster after all." With that he walked out of the room.
Wait... How did he know I was a prankster? I never told him. And why did he say still? Wouldn't that imply he knew me before? Ugh! This is causing such a major headache! And he's a jerk anyways... Though I guess he can't be that bad if he helped me out...
Eventually, the nurse came out with band aids and rubbing alcohol. She began treating my wounds and new tears fell. I hate tears and crying. I think it's stupid. I guess in my theory, this is where the person would say "By the way, there is just one more thing. Should I add tears as an option? It's not a problem if you don't want them. Some people don't add them because they are troublesome. So what will you do?"
Once the nurse left, I rubbed my face clean of my tears and looked at the floor. Those guys really did a number on me. Just look at how much I cried. I put my shirt back on and went on to class. I got weird looks from my classmates about how I looked, but other than that the day went on as usual. Even Katzir somewhat ignored me today. That is until it was time to go home.
I walked out into the student parking lot where my car (Dad's old car) was parked, but I noticed he was following me. I finally just stopped and looked at him. "Can I help you with anything?"
"Not really. I just wanted to follow you home. My dad won't be satisfied until I tell him that I made a friend. You're the closest thing I have to a friend right now, so I might as well try to be fucking friends with you," he explained.
"So... you're just gonna follow me around?" I asked. He nodded. I sighed opening the back seat door to my car. I threw in my backpack. "Get in. You can come over to my house tonight. I guess I do owe you for today after all." I got in the driver's seat while he got in the passenger seat, stubbornly holding his backpack. "You can throw that in the back seat if you want." He gave me a weird look.
"What, are you fucking stupid? Why would I want to fucking do that?" he asked. I just held up my hands defensively before starting the car. Soon, I was driving off home, and soon after that, we stood in my room. "Ha ha, I see you still have these stupid Con Air posters too. Didn't you scribble all over these?" I looked at him.
"What?" I asked. His eyes widened and he coughed.
"Uh... Sorry. Your room looks like an old friend of mine's. I thought I was back with them, but I'm not. I'm fucking hungry. Don't you have anything to fucking eat? And please, none of that sweet shit. I'm not that fucking dipshit So- Never mind," he finished quickly.
"Okay... Something not sweet coming up. Just... Don't touch anything. Especially those little beans in the chest," I said before leaving. A smirk worked it's way onto my face when I heard the chest being opened. I just knew it. I felt like he had some sort of leader complex, and being told what to do is not a good thing. Reverse psychology prank for the win!
A little while later, I came back carrying a plate of those little pizza roll things. As I got closer to my room, I heard a loud string of curse words. I smirked but that smirk fell when I opened the door to my room. There was smoke everywhere. I could only barely make out Katzir's figure through the smoke. "Oh my god! What did you do? Crush all of my smoke pellets?" I cried. I set the plate down on what I hoped was my desk and ran to the wall. I felt around for a window trying to dodge Katzir's frantic hands. "Stop swinging at me! I'm trying to find the window!"
"What the fuck do you think I've been doing? I'm trying to find it too you nook-sucker!" he shouted.
I quickly found the window and opened it with a bit of difficulty. The smoke then started to seep out into the open air. Once the room was at least clear enough to look around in, I saw Katzir grasping his chest and heard his coughs. "Oh god, you're not dying are you?"
"Fuck no! It's just... smoke makes you cough. It's your own fucking fault it happened anyways," he insisted.
"What do you mean it was my fault? You're the one who didn't listen to me!" I threw back. By this time there was a small amount of smoke left. I huffed over to my magic chest and snapped it shut.
"You should know by now not to use your fucking reverse psychology shit on me!" he growled.
"How am I supposed to know that? We only just met today!" I shouted.
"Well I-" he stopped and didn't say anything else. I looked over at him to find him glaring at my carpet. Had I offended him somehow? All I did was state a fact...
"Look, Katzir, I'm sorry," I said.
"Yeah, whatever. Like I give a fuck. I don't even know why I fucking came here in the first place. I'm going home," he said. He turned and left the room. I sighed and sat on my bed. Just as I got comfortable, I heard pesterchum on my computer notify me. I groaned and went over to my computer. I saw that Dave and Jade had been pestering me. I started with Dave.
- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 14:23 -
TG: john hey
TG: dude are you there
TG: fucking answer me egbert
TG: dont think that just cuz its your bday that im gonna be cool about you blowing me off
TG: cuz im not
EB: sorry i had a friend over. im here now though
EB: what do you need?
TG: just wishing you a happy birthday man
TG: i made you a wicked awesome rap
EB: yay. please lay down this wicked awesome beat :B
TG: alright. here goes
TG: happy bday man
TG: it just goes to show
TG: instead of fadin with the wind
TG: you just go with the flow
TG: you made it to 18
TG: now youre a man
TG: theres more to see
TG: than that tiny little land
TG: so grow up
TG: and explore some more
TG: you know youre gonna make it
TG: in this ice cold world
TG: done
EB: cool! thanks :B
EB: your raps have only gotten better
EB: so has your bro been teaching you then?
TG: No
TG: skill just happens
EB: oh. i see. well that's cool
EB: well i gotta go
EB: jade wants to talk to me too
TG: later bro
EB: later! :B
- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 14:41 -
Well, that took care of Dave. Time to talk to Jade.
- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 14:26 -
GG: john! happy birthday! :)
GG: john?
GG: oh youre talking to dave now aren't you?
GG: okay well once you get this i'll be asleep again so i might as well say it now
GG: good luck john!
GG: things are going to get weird for you now
GG: i hope youll get my present when you need it
GG: and dont be afraid to make new friends either!
GG: bye i guess! :)
- gardenGnostic ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 14:34 -
Well... that was a bit weird... but she has always known things... I wonder how. She never did tell me. She always avoided the subject. I can't help but think she's a witch sometimes though. Like the one in the Wizard of Oz with the striped stockings, red shoes, and everything. I let out a laugh which only sounded bitter to me. Why does that sound right... Why can't I shake off this de ja vous I've been having lately? I just want to shake off this stupid feeling...
AN: Annnd, done! For this chapter at least. I felt like this was going to be really long, so I decided to stop short! Don't worry, the second chapter will be here soon! Please review though! Reviews will bring the next chapter out faster ^_^ See you then! Oh! and for anyone who wants to hear the song used in this here's the link. Just take out the space. .com/watch?v=z0Jdnkr8xRA
*This is important because all troll names have 6 letters. I wanted Karkat to still have some of those troll qualities and stuff so I came up with this name! Katzir because it means harvesting which I thought was cool considering his choice of weapons is a sickle which is used for farming. And I chose Varlet because it means servant which I found cool because of Karkat's blood color and where that puts him on the hemoglobin scale structure.
