A/N: Excited to finally be posting my first J/7 fic after 15 years of reading and shipping them. Tried to create lots of build up with this one! That said, there is a little bit of Samantha Wildman/Seven of Nine in here, but bear with it and trust that I will give you a significant J/7 resolution :) Please review if you feel so inclined. Enjoy!
Seven of Nine walked back to the Cargo Bay with a pad in hand, going over her last batch of data analysis for the evening before she would regenerate. The Doctor's surprise party had been an interesting affair. She agreed with Captain Janeway's decision to award him the medal of commendation for his clever maneuvers in outwitting the Hierarchy. She even agreed to summon the Doctor to the celebration, where she gave him a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. As she continued to explore the full range of human emotions—and those assimilated by her holographic associate—she realized that the Doctor must have experienced an overwhelming amount of embarrassment in the past few days, having had all of his fantasies exposed to the crew. Although there were several about her that were particularly uncomfortable, she had enough affection for him as a friend to alleviate some of his injured feelings, even if she did not return his romantic sentiments.
As she entered the sequence for her regeneration cycle into her alcove, she found herself drifting off into a deeply contemplative, even meditative state. She did not dream, per say, but experienced a level of relaxation that allowed her to find some clarity, making sense of things that had not previously come to light. For instance, there were many aspects of the Doctor's predicament that she could relate to, and that actually reminded her of her own continuing confusion with her social progress. Normally, she would discuss these thoughts with the Doctor himself, as he had been her mentor with regard to social lessons, including those pertaining to romance and sexuality. But, given the revelation of his fixation on her, she felt she could no longer discuss these matters with him, for both their sake's. That left only one other person whom she trusted enough to bring her concerns.
"Come in," Janeway tried not to bark too harshly from her chair. She had just sat down, finally, after a long and exhausting evening of festivities, followed by a duty shift. She was ready to read her book and nod off to sleep if it would be so kind as to not evade her, for once. Suffice it to say, she was in no mood to be disturbed.
Her eyes trailed up to where the visitor stood. Her scowl morphed into concern when saw Seven standing there, looking apprehensive.
"Seven? What's wrong?"
"Nothing, Captain. That is, nothing of immediate urgency."
Janeway rolled her eyes a little.
"Well, something must be pretty urgent if you're coming to my quarters this late. What is it?"
"It is…the Doctor. His fantasies have triggered some…complex emotions for me."
Janeway thought back on Seven's involvement over the past few days, her image frequently evoked during the Doctor's most intimate daydreams. She had not stopped to consider then just how embarrassing, even violating, that must have felt for Seven, especially as she and others had been witness to some rather revealing scenarios.
"Seven..." Janeway made a concerted effort not to blush as she spoke. "I'm sorry you had to see that, and I'm sorry that others, including myself, intruded upon his—and, inadvertently, your— privacy."
"I am unfazed by nudity, Captain," Seven quickly clarified. "The fact that several crewmembers have seen me partially unclothed, including yourself, does not disturb me as much as I am sure it has disturbed the owner of those fantasies. It is not an ideal situation, though that is not what I wish to discuss."
Now Janeway couldn't help the slight flush invading her cheeks. She couldn't even imagine being that exposed in front of her colleagues and not being affected. Still, she didn't want to pass on her own shame, reserve, or whatever it was to Seven. She cleared her throat and hoped the younger woman didn't notice her reaction, although she was almost sure she did. Seven rarely missed a beat.
"Alright. So, then…" she urged Seven to continue. She really hated having to drag things out of her sometimes.
"It has occurred to me that just as the Doctor's capacity for daydreaming was programmed, so were his other functions and responses, including the framework from which he drew those fantasies."
Janeway shook her head.
"I'm not sure I follow."
Seven sighed. Janeway noted the flush now painting the blonde's complexion and felt a little guilty as she continued to listen.
"The Doctor was programmed to have a sexual response to female physiology. He was, in essence, given his sexuality by those who programmed him, much in their own image."
"Go on," Janeway raised an eyebrow, her interest peaked.
"When the Borg took away my individuality, they took away my ability to develop my sexuality on my own. I barely had a childhood, let alone an adolescence or puberty. Now that I am recovering my humanity, however, I am beginning to develop those capacities, but I have needed significant guidance in this arena."
Janeway nodded, still not sure where this was going.
"It is my concern that the Doctor—along with several colluding members of this crew—have also programmed my sexuality. They have provided me with knowledge and encouraged me into situations that are shaped by their own identities and experiences."
"Interesting…" Janeway usually felt like she could keep up with the former Borg, but currently she was at a loss. She needed more information. "I thought you stopped your social lessons with the Doctor in regards to dating?"
"I did. But only because I found no suitable mates within the narrow range I was given."
"I see," Janeway swallowed. She was starting to sense where this may be going, and she was not sure she was prepared for it.
"When I was under the Doctor's tutelage, I was only asked to consider men."
Janeway took a deep breath before she could bring herself to ask the next question.
"Do you think…you may be attracted to women?"
Seven shifted from one leg to the other. Janeway hoped she had not misinterpreted, but was pretty sure she was on the right track.
"I am… uncertain. Though I would like the opportunity to explore this potential."
Janeway forced a bit of a smile, making sure she appeared as open and accepting of this potential as she could possibly be.
"I think that's reasonable."
"However, I do not believe the Doctor would be the proper mentor in this capacity. For one, he appears to be infatuated with me, and secondly, he has no experience with intimate relations between women."
"Uh huh," Janeway's throat went dry. She took a sip of her water.
"Captain…" Seven gulped. "I will understand if you deny my request. However, I cannot think of another woman who would be suitable for this position. I would greatly appreciate your assistance."
It took all of Janeway's strength not to allow her jaw to drop.
"Seven…I don't know what impression I've given or what you may have heard, but… I don't have any experience with other women either."
"That is not necessary," Seven corrected. "I simply feel that I require a woman I am comfortable with, whom I trust, to help me in this venture. To help me consider potential candidates, oversee my progress and provide certain feedback when solicited."
Janeway finally put her book down on the table next to her, along with her mug. She clearly would not be getting any sleep tonight. Though she was genuinely pleased Seven trusted her enough to come to her with such a request, she was deeply disturbed by the prospect, and not because she was in any way homophobic. In fact, it was quite the opposite. She had experienced a number of same-sex attractions throughout her life, though none of them had ever come to fruition. Her heterosexual dalliances had always resulted in far more success. Though not much, she thought, remembering Mark. While her relationships with men had been satisfying for what they were, deep down she had always known her desire for women was there and would not go away. And yet, she had tried her hardest to avoid those feelings, whether it was the remaining effects of her small Indiana community's more conservative values, or the fact that she too in many ways had been "programmed" into believing heterosexuality would be the more suitable identity for someone trying to climb the ranks of Starfleet.
"Captain?" Seven jarred Janeway back into their current conversation.
"Sorry. It's just…I'm flattered that you came to me, really. I'm happy you feel we're close enough for you to share these feelings with me, I'm just not sure I have much to offer," she lied, silently cursing herself.
"I understand. I will explore other options. Perhaps Lieutenant Torres would be willing to assist me."
Janeway knew Belanna was more likely to gouge out her own eyeballs and offer them to Neelix to make a stew before she'd be willing to help Seven with something like this. She figured Seven had to know that as well. The truth was, Seven still didn't have many friends among the crew. She was depending on her.
"No, I'll do it," Janeway responded, feigning confidence.
"Are you sure?" Seven asked.
"Not entirely, if I can be honest, but I'm willing to help. I may not be an expert in same-sex love affairs, but I can certainly listen and offer my full support of whatever you decide is best for you."
Seven nodded, back to her stoic self for the time being. "Thank you, Captain. I will provide you with further instructions when needed."
"Ah," Janeway smirked. "Isn't that my job? As your mentor?"
She smirked back. "Very well. I will report to you when requested."
"Give me at least a few days," Janeway warned. "I may need to do some research, just so it's not a complete case of the blind leading the blind."
Seven's cheeks went pink again at the prospect of what "research" for this assignment might look like. She chased those thoughts away for now, especially in the presence of her mentor, though the heightened pigmentation in the Captain's cheeks signaled she too was contemplating this "research."
"Understood," Seven swallowed. "I will be patient. Again, thank you."
"My pleasure," Janeway smiled. Half of her meant it, and the other half was plotting her getaway in an escape pod.
The blonde nodded her appreciation once again before exiting. Once the doors swished shut behind her, Janeway stood, rubbing her temples as she and crossed to the replicator, where she retrieved a much needed cup of coffee and all the literature on lesbian courtship she could get her hands on.
