Jelly and Clowns
7pm. That was when it happened. The sun was low in the sky, illuminating every cloud with the warm glow of dusk. Helix was meandering the streets, just looking for a place to get a decent meal. He'd been so busy training for the next ARMS Grand Prix that he'd forgotten to eat for two months.
Suddenly Helix noticed somebody running across the street and into an alley. He wondered if they were in trouble and needed help, so he squelched over as fast as he could, trying to get their attention with various yelps. As Helix approached the end of the alley, he saw the stranger sitting on the grimy floor, looking defeated and lost. The stranger looked very unusual to Helix – a woman dressed in bright colours, with a spherical red nose. He wondered just what the hell was going on here.
"Who… Who are you?" asked the stranger.
"Ooooooo?" Helix responded.
"Helix, huh? My name's Lola Pop. Don't worry about me, I'm fine."
"Uuuuueeee?" asked Helix, with a concerned head tilt.
"Just a kid's party gone wrong. They got scared when I did my inflation trick, and the parents threatened to call the cops. I had to make a run for it. I only wish I could pursue my true dream… To be an ARMS champion". Lola sighed wistfully.
Helix sympathised with the unfortunate clown. He knew what it was like to have people be scared of you for no reason, and he too had big dreams of being an ARMS champion. An idea popped into his gelatinous mind.
"Aaaaa….ee!" he exclaimed to Lola.
She smiled a wide clownish smile. "Really? You can help me become a better fighter? But how?"
"Huuuuuu…." Helix responded in a serious tone. The two of them took the city bus back to ARMS Laboratories.
Helix took Lola to the lab canteen and offered a Helix Juice™ and top ramen to calm her nerves after her stressful day. He explained that the laboratory created him to be the ultimate ARMS fighter, and that all the chemicals he was made of were right here. They could create a powerful elixir, giving Lola a head start in her career.
Lola was concerned. "I don't know, Helix… I don't really trust you around chemicals. You're kinda clumsy, and technically, you're not even a scientist."
Helix tutted and shook his head. "Gyoooh!" he replied smugly. He disappeared into the chemical stockroom for 8 minutes and returned to Lola with several vials in hand. Then he took Lola's empty bottle of Helix Juice™ and placed it on the dinner table. The jelly boy added dashes of each chemical, trying to remember what he'd seen the scientists doing back in the day. Helix was sure he had the winning formula. Lola gazed at the glowing green concoction, then back at Helix's prideful face. "It looks radioactive, Helix. I'm not risking it."
Helix sighed. He decided that the only way to alleviate Lola's fear was to drink the elixir himself. Two gulps and it was gone.
Lola's eyelids popped open in shock. "Helix! NO! What have you done?! Look at what's happened to you!"
Helix ran over to the mirror. What he saw sent a shiver down his non-existent spine. His face was covered in clown paint, and he was suddenly wearing an ICP tank top. He desperately tried to wipe the clown paint off with his blorbs, but it wouldn't budge at all.
Lola ran up to comfort the devastated wobbler. "I've seen this happen before. I've lost many clown friends to Juggaloism. That elixir you made… it was Faygo, Helix. You messed up badly. But there's a way to undo it."
"Whoop whoop!" Helix whooped.
"Well, all you need to do is find someone who is the complete opposite of a juggalo, and get them to give you their favorite drink. It'll work as an antidote. The less juggalesque this person is, the more effective it will be. Do you know anyone who could help?"
Helix instantly knew who to call. Years ago, when he was just a little DNA fetus, he would watch all kinds of movies. One movie star in particular captured his heart. He later met her briefly at an ARMS event, and they had exchanged numbers.
"Whoop whoop" he informed Lola.
"Twintelle! Of course! Her elegance is relentless. Let's get on the first flight to Paris." Lola took out a laptop from her voluminous pants and booked two tickets for the next morning.
Helix tried to sleep that night, but he was anxious. What if Twintelle was too busy? What if she was abroad filming a movie? He would be stuck like this forever. Not that there's anything wrong with being a juggalo. It's just not who he is inside.
The two friends packed a bag and took a cab to the airport. Helix was stopped by security after failing to show a passport, but since he's technically not a person, Lola could take him as hand luggage.
Fourteen hours later the plane landed, and the duo headed to the nearest café. Lola pulled a phone from her billowing britches and handed it to Helix. "Go ahead. Let's hope she picks up."
Helix dialed the number he'd preserved in his memory.
"Bonjour?" Twintelle answered.
Helix was fanboying inside, but tried to seem cool. He was here for a serious reason, after all. "Whoop whoop" he explained to his idol.
"Sacré bleu! Hélix, of course I will help you! I cannot see you live like this, mon ami… I will send my chauffer for you right away. À tout à l'heure!"
Helix was relieved with Twintelle's response. There was hope for him after all.
Helix and Lola were driven up to Twintelle's mansion. It's was beautiful, and very tastefully decorated. The front lawn was populated by several expensive-looking cats. Lola almost inflated with excitement.
Twintelle was already waiting by the front door. "Hélix, Lola, bienvenue. Please have a seat and I will bring you my special blend of tea. If what you say is true, it can't fail!"
Helix and Lola took a seat on the couch. It was very comfortable, of course. Helix was nervous - not just because he was in Twintelle's home, but because his fate was about to be decided forever.
"Don't worry, Helix" said Lola. "Even if it doesn't work, it won't be so bad. You can go to the gathering of the juggalos and have a great time".
This didn't help Helix's anxiety.
Twintelle returned with her finest tea and presented it to Helix. "Take a sip, le bébé. You'll be back to normal in no time."
Helix took a sip of the tea as Lola and Twintelle watched in anticipation.
Nothing happened. Helix sighed in dismay. Surely Twintelle was the opposite of a juggalo, he thought. If not her, then whom? On top of that, the tea tasted awful. He only liked sweet beverages, not ones that taste like plants.
"Je suis désolé, Hélix" Twintelle said sadly. "I really hoped this would work."
Lola saw Helix's dislike of the tea written on his face. She whipped out a Helix Juice™ from her tremendous trousers in the hopes of cheering him up. "Here, have this. I know you're disappointed, but we're your friends, and we'll be here for you even if you stay a juggalo forever."
Helix was touched by how much Lola and Twintelle cared for him. He gratefully took the Helix Juice™ and gulped it down.
Suddenly, his clown paint evaporated away and his ICP shirt dissolved into nothingness!
"Quelle chance! Hélix, that was the cure! It was your own drink all along!" exclaimed Twintelle.
"Ouu. Awoooh!" Helix responded. Helix Juice™ may be his own drink, but it isn't his favorite drink. It's Lola's!
Lola laughed joyfully. "How could I not have realized? The true opposite of a fake clown could only be… a REAL clown! That's me!"
The gang celebrated with even more Helix Juice™, croissants, and baked goods of all kinds. Lola Pop and Twintelle became good friends, and Twintelle even trained Lola up for the ARMS Grand Prix. Helix was just happy to be himself again, and glad to have made a new best friend from the experience.
~The end~
