HellOOOOO, Nurses! Happy Halloween! I hope you enjoy this story that I began writing at 9 P.M. yesterday! I'll be uploading more over the coarse of the day. So sit back and relax in your polyester costumes, gorge yourself on candy, and enjoy reading!


It was a stormy autumn night in L.A. The clouds over the city were gray in the black and white lights of the metropolis below. It was just like any other Friday night in the bustling city. Lights, clinking glass, and popping wine corks poured from every glamorous eatery in the city, mingling with the shouts and honks of busy streets. The freeways and interstates weaved up through the buildings in a never-ending string of cars. Green palm trees and street topiaries swayed through the cool humidity as if they were dancing to the harmonious urban sounds, and it seemed as though the whole landscape was strung with glittering white lights. Laughter seemed to carry up through the black sky and away into the heavy smog roof over Los Angelis' head.

A half-mile off of Interstate 5, on the outskirts where the towering buildings meet the elegant Hollywood hills, ACME Labs was sitting quietly in the blue twilight. Dry leaves skittered across the empty parking lot like dimmed golden foil, and in the distance, the gleaming white tops of the Hollywood sign peeked through the looming buildings. The car of the scientist pulled out and rumbled away quietly from the building, and the lights flicked on.


"Gee, Brain, what are we gonna do tonight?"

"The same thing we do every night, Pinky- Try to take over the world!"

They're Pinky and the Brain

Yes, Pinky and the Brain

One is a genius- the other's insane

To prove their mousy worth

They'll overthrow the earth

They're Pinky, they're Pinky and the Brain

Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain

NARF!

"OW! Hey, what's the big idea, jerk?" Yakko yelled, holding his tail in his hands as he turned on the brilliant mouse. The Brain only grinned. "We truly appreciate your contribution to science," he replied, his grin growing all the less pleasant.

Yakko stormed out; his siblings and Alice following close behind and yelling angrily. "That's what I get for singing the theme song for him every night?", "…It's 15 minutes of our lives just to get out here in the first place!", "I want to eat at Chile's!" "I mean…" Their voices faded away as they left the facility, fuming.

The Brain waved goodbye sweetly, three thick black hairs pinched in his pink fingers.

"Hahahaha, NARF!" Pinky squealed, cart-wheeling across the counter gleefully. "Are we going out tonight, Brain? We should go to Martinelli's! A warm lasagna sounds wonderful on a night like this."

"No, Pinky!" The Brain snapped impatiently, grabbing up his pencil and lugging it to the notepad, "We are certainly not going out. You know what's going on tonight." He began scribbling down as fast as he could, trying to ignore his cagemate's antics.

Pinky stopped mid- cartwheel and tumbled over, shaking his head dizzily. He giggled, thinking to himself, and then shot up, thrilled. "Oh, Brain, I know! I know why! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!" he squealed, raising his hand. "Pink me pick me pick me! ZORT!"

The Brain rolled his eyes at his friend's foolishness. Why did he associate with the mentally moronic? With his intelligence, he figured that he could answer that question. But somehow, much to his dismay, he couldn't. He pointed lazily with his pencil. 'What?"

"The Charlie Brown Halloween special is on tonight!" Pinky cheered, clapping and dancing around his short friend. "I'll get the popcorn!"

"No, you will not, Pinky!" Brain shouted after him, and Pinky skid to a halt. He scratched his head, then snapped his fingers brightly.

"Okay, Brain, you get the popcorn, and I'll get the cheesy flavor powder you love so much!"

SMACK!

"NARF!" Pinky cackled gleefully, rubbing his head. "Ooh, Brain, an extra-big bop! Is it for the holiday?"

"Of course, my dear Pinky," The Brain mumbled crossly, continuing to jot down notes without paying Pinky too much attention. "Tonight, I have something ground-breaking planned. Tonight, I shall be triumphant in taking over the world, and just in time!"

"But wait, Brain!" Pinky squealed, poking his cagemate's shoulder repeatedly, "If we do take over the world, then what about tomorrow night?"

"Pray tell what you mean by this pointless observation?"

Pinky stared at his toes and tapped them patiently. "Weeeeeell... If you're busy ruling the world, then you'll be too busy to go to the Halloween party tomorrow night!"

"Ugh. How many times must I explain this, Pinky?" The Brain groaned. "Every year, when we get our invitation, they demand that we must wear ridiculous and pointless costumes, drive all the way to the studio, and then, as if it couldn't get any worse, we must associate and partake in empty, informal, and downright bland conversation with people far below my intellectual level. And when we go, as we almost always do because of your incessant begging, I waste 12 hours a night that I could be using to plot my worldwide domination! Why you even waste your few remaining brain cells even considering going is so far beyond me! Now just forget it! We're not going, and that's final!"

Seeing Pinky's downturned face, he softened slightly and motioned for him to come over. "Come now, Pinky, as the youth of today put it: 'suck it up'. We have a world to take over!"

Pinky sidled over, obviously trying to forget about the party. "What are you going to do, Brain? Turn everybody into evil zombie slaves that only live to do your evil bidding? Or are you going to summon sorceresses to bewitch tricks-or-treaters to become your loyal followers? Or are you and Jack Skellington going to disguise as Santa Claus and take over Christmas together? Ooh, Brain, I just gave myself the heebie- jeebies!" Pinky shuddered, holding himself.

The Brain sighed once more. "No, my dear, simple-minded companion," he replied, taking Pinky's hand and pulling him along. "Come, and I shall show you tonight's plan!"

He led his cagemate across the counter and to the whiteboard, where scribbles and diagrams were shown, as well as a long strip that looked like smudges. But upon closer inspection, Pinky realized that it was a complete list of… Animaniacs episodes?

"Naaarf…" Pinky breathed, looking up at the never-ending list. "Egad, Brain, what it this?"

The Brain smiled up at his master plan, confident that there was no way it could fail. "Behold, Pinky; I have discovered something genius! Tell me, Pinky, if your small head can process my words- what is so special about cartoon characters?"

"Emmmmm, they can do everything that Stan Ipkiss can't without his mask?"

"Close, surprisingly," he muttered under his breath. "Observe, Pinky!"

He pointed at the whiteboard with his pencil as a pointer at the first episode: De-Zanitized.

"You see, Pinky. I have carefully observed every episode of the show, and have accurately constructed a list of every impossible feat performed, as well as the result. Now listen carefully; have the Warner siblings ever been defeated?"

"Defeated?" Pinky bit his finger, thinking very hard. "I'd suppose not. It depends on what you mean by 'defeated'."

Brain drummed his fingers on his pencil patiently. "You see; I have found out that cartoon characters can perform incredible feats with minor injury and/or failure, and that if one possessed the ability to do these things, they could be completely invincible! Take the Warner siblings, for example. They can accomplish any task with no hindrances, and have always been successful in their debatably clever schemes. Thus, I conclude my explanation of 'being defeated'."

"But we are cartoon characters, Brain," Pinky pointed out mildly. "We even have our own theme song. Couldn't we do those things, too, if we tried?"

The Brain hunched his shoulders and furrowed his brow. "Unfortunately, Mr. Ruegger and Mr. Hastings didn't give us the zany abilities that they gave everyone else, besides the ability to survive horrifically fatal accidents. It's almost as though they did that on purpose, thinking that that's what prompted our laughs. I beg to differ, but that isn't the point. Anyway, I have worked tirelessly to find a solution to my predicament, and I also found that Americans prefer zany, kooky cartoon characters, as proven by extensive research on popular culture.

"I have realized something. All these years, I have tried- and failed- to win over the American people, as well as other equally incompetent countries, with intelligence. But I found that people adore cartoons! And even more than that, witty, obnoxious cartoon characters. Look around and see how Mickey, Bugs, Mr. Squarepants, and the rest of that undesireable lot dominate today's modern culture, with their clever, innocent, endearing nature. Why, I could be equally as witty and charming! Think of the things I could accomplish if I knew I could never fail! But I'd need a source to derive the invincibility from. If I want to take over this world of classless idiots and mold it into a functioning utopia, I have to do it not with force and strict discipline, but rather, the undying energy and confidence of a keen-minded cartoon character. Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"I think so, Brain, but how do we know Sheldon and Amy will ever be together?"

"No, Pinky!" The Brain cried angrily, "I must acquire the powers of a zany cartoon character!"

Pinky clapped and cheered. "Ooh, marvelous idea, Brain! I think- oh, wait! No, no, no…"

"What could possibly be wrong with this idea?" The Brain snapped, crossing his arms to retrain himself from bopping Pinky again.

"How will you get powers like that?" Pinky asked.

"Simple, my dear Pinky," The Brain replied, pointing up at the whiteboard. "I got my hands on a bit of a Yakko Warner's hair, and will extract the key elements from his DNA needed to become invincible. Come, and I shall show you how it shall be done."

He led his bumbling, gawky friend to the sterilization tray, where the scientists left samples to soak in disinfectant.

"Watch closely, Pinky," he said, dropping the hairs into the disinfectant. "The hairs shall soak here, and then I will soak them in ddH2O.'

"What's that?"

The Brain sighed hopelessly. He rephrased the sentence through clenched teeth. "I will soak the hairs in chemicals. Then, I'll put them in ethanol and let them dry."

"Then do you eat them to get the cartoon-y stuff?"

"Ugh, you repulsive animal, of course I won't eat them!" The Brain cried, recoiling from his cagemate. "Unlike what you so cannibalistically suggested, I will simply slice them and put them in enzymatic laundry powder to break down their chromatic makeup and find the abnormally arranged and/or mutated nucleobases that set cartoons apart from regular organisms."

Pinky hugged himself, long-gone in understanding. "Em, Brain? Maybe you're over thinking everything. Maybe you should just try being funnier and telling jokes and laughing and jumping around. Maybe try smiling?"

The Brain shot a scathing look at his smiling cagemate. "Pinky, my usual smile makes sleeping babies cry. I cannot possibly find it in myself to be 'funny', as you so crudely put it, without the aid of some sort of humoristic carcinogen."

"Well, I think you could. Just think of something funny! Or maybe try acting sprarcitic?"

The Brain held his forehead. "How you manage to mix 'sarcastic' and 'spastic' together it far beyond me, Pinky. And you can't act sarcastic, you can only verbally express a phrase that inexplicably conveys a sense that one is being sarcastic."

Pinky blinked his wide blue eyes, and Brain couldn't help but feel boiling impatience with the tall white mouse, especially that clueless buck-toothed smile.

"You know, Brain, I believe that you speak a different language and English at the same time," Pinky replied, shrugging brightly.

The Brain leaned down into the tray with his arms in the fingers of a latex glove, fishing the three hairs out. He sighed. "No, I believe you are mistaken. I can speak in a basic scientific jargon, which is founded upon Latin and Greek roots yet in the English dictionary, but I am afraid that I can't speak Pinky."


It had been a long night of soaking, slicing, re-soaking for good measure, and finally, extracting every bit of DNA from Yakko's hairs. The Brain had worked feverishly to accomplish this, ignoring the sweat and sting of chemicals, but finally, his work was done.

Pinky had abandoned him an hour before, going to watch the Charlie Brown special alone and hum a few bars of 'Nobody Knows…' before falling fast asleep with popcorn crammed in his mouth. He woke to see the silhouette of The Brain in the cage's entrance, the light of chemical fusion glowing behind him like some sort of David Copperfield special. In his outstretched hand, Pinky could see a beaker with a few drops of glowing blue liquid, shaking and bouncing in the bottom of the glass as though it couldn't even contain itself.

Pinky rolled over on his stomach and squealed, "Oh, Brain you'll never believe it!"

The Brain sighed. "The Great Pumpkin never came to Linus' pumpkin patch. I know. You tell me the same exact thing every year."

"Why didn't he, Brain? It was so sincere!" Pinky cried, neglecting everything The Brain had just said.

"Because it wasn't sincere enough," The Brain responded, denying himself the pleasure of explaining that the Great Pumpkin was indeed a myth. Oh, the years of practice he had in answering these same questions and restraining himself from such longings. It absolutely unnerved him.

"I thought it was the most sincere one I've ever seen," Pinky sighed to himself sadly, but almost immediately forgot about it perked up. He yawned happily, "What's that, Brain? Polyjuice Potion?"

"Yakko's zany substances. It was hard, but I did it," The Brain said, trying to forget the idiotic comparison. "His DNA's as uncontrollable as his personality. But I found a pattern that repeats only in his- and surely other cartoons'- DNA. They have a different pair of nucleotides than regular organisms, unlike anything I've ever seen."

Pinky sat up and stretched his arms with another yawn. "A what?"

The Brain sighed. It was so taxing, explaining such basic things to such a creature as simple as Pinky. "DNA is made up of two pairs of joined nucleobases: adenine to guanine and thymine to cytosine. Yakko has another pair of completely unknown nucleobases, and I managed to separate most of them from his chromatic makeup and into this." He held up the glowing beaker. "I believe with the right amount of experimentation, I can figure out just how to harness the energy contained."

Once again, Pinky didn't understand, so he piped up, "Can I give the new ones names?"

"The new what?"

"The new base-thingies," he responded brightly.

"Nucleobases aren't 'thingies'," Brain growled.

"Can we call them Cheech and Chong?"

"Oh dear Lord, Pinky," Brain sighed into his hand.

"Is that a 'yes'?"

"Yes, yes, Pinky, go ahead, but just listen for a minute!"

"Kay! Zip!"

"Right. My point is, these nucleotides-,"

"Cheech and Chong."

"Pinky!"

"Oh, right! Zip again!"

"Okay. Well, Cheech and Chong," Brain snarled through clenched teeth, "Are completely unheard of and may be highly unstable, and I feel that I must test their effects on a normal organism, preferably on another of my species. There could be varying and unpredictable results, if you understand what I mean."

"Right-o, Brain, a test! But… oh no! I didn't study! Oh no, Brain! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!" Pinky burst into tears.

"No, Pinky, I mean give another mouse the serum and see the effects!" The Brain yelled over Pinky's cries.

Pinky perked up. "Oh, right, Brain! ZORT! How much are you going to have?"

The Brain admired the lively liquid in the beaker as it swished around. "Well, seeing how the serum can move without a potential source of energy- or, so to say, lacks a benefactor- it must contain a dangerously high level of energy. That being said, I believe that I must calculate the amount that can be injected, or the results could be fatal- or worse.

"I only got two milliliters out of the hair, and I've concluded that it will be just enough: one milliliter for a test subject and one for me. According to our stature and water content, it's just the correct amount to fill our bloodstream."

"Who are you going to give the serum to?"

The Brain glanced into Pinky's eyes for just a moment, but turned away, going red.

Pinky may have been wacky, but he wasn't clueless. He clutched his chest and gasped, "Me? Oh Brain, but you know I hate needles! They make me so queasy and icky! Please don't make me do it! Oh, please, Brain!"

The Brain held out his hands. "But Pinky, wouldn't you like to help me in taking over the world, like you always do? And you know me, that I would never hurt you! You'll be fine! It's just a quick pinch, and then it's over. And once it's there, you won't even know it happened. And the serum shouldn't harm you- I think- but still, you'll be fine. Come now, Pinky- I- PINKY! Stop your crying this instant!"

Pinky pulled his thumb from his mouth and looked up at The Brain with his teary, impossibly sweet, blue eyes.

"There we are, Pinky," The Brain said. "You know that that's no way to carry on. You are a grown mouse. And I'll have to get a shot, too, so it's not exactly like the grass is greener over here, either. Come along now, and we'll just get this over with."


Pinky bit his tongue nervously, trying to ignore the tingles in his belly as he looked at the long, scary needle. He gulped. "Egad, Brain… that's a really big needle…"

"It's the smallest one you could find. That's just what you told me," The Brain mumbled, concentrating on steadying the syringe.

"I know, but still... Will it hurt?"

"It'll just sting for a second."

"Promise?"

"Yes, Pinky."

"Really, do you pinky-promise it won't hurt, Brain? Haha! That's my name! ZORT!"

"I promise, it'll sting for just a moment! Now, hold your arm still, or it will hurt."

Pinky recoiled in terror and cried out, "Oh, Brain, no, no, no! Please, please don't say that! Now I'm scared, Brain!"

The Brain pulled away the needle and held Pinky's arm down, trying to steady him. They had been at it for nearly fifteen minutes, and The Brain could feel his patience (and remaining sanity) slipping from between his fingers as though he was trying to hold water. The syringe was filled with the swishing blue substance, and The Brain could see the tip moving. Injecting it steadily would be quite a task just as it is, and Pinky's flailing limbs wasn't helping at all. He sighed and tried once again to shush his crying test subject.

"It'll be just fine, Pinky, okay? Now just hold still."

But Pinky continued squirming and jerking away, and Brain felt himself growing anxious as he tried calming his poor cagemate down. He couldn't steady Pinky's arm, and he could feel his other hand shaking with the syringe swaying dreadfully around with the serum's energy.

Finally, Pinky's arm stopped trembling and Brain positioned the tip of the needle just above Pinky's fur.

"Here we go…"

"Wait! Not yet!"

"What now?"

"Oh, okay, I'm ready now!"

The Brain sighed through clenched teeth. He repositioned the needle and placed his trembling thumb on the plunger, feeling sweat running through his fur. Steady… steady… any moment now… just breathe and get it over with, before Pinky loses his mind… Here we go, and…

"WAIT!"

"OW!"

Pinky's arm flung away Brain's hand and he ducked down, cowering in terror at the shiny needle, and The Brain went sprawling back, trying desperately to grab hold of something stable. He fell onto his back and felt a sharp pain in his upper arm-

"Oh, no, Brain, I didn't mean to! Please, it wasn't my fault-,"

"PINKY!"

Pinky ran over to help Brain up and saw the syringe plunged down all the way into his arm. He grabbed at his mouth, his cheeks turning a nasty green. "Ugh, Brain, I think I'm going to…"

The Brain grabbed the syringe and ripped it out with a yelp, feeling fury and spiraling horror building up in his head. He cast the syringe away furiously.

"Pinky, look what you've done!" He tried to stand, but his violently shaking legs gave way and he fell again to the countertop. Pinky ran over, still holding his mouth.

"Oh, Brain… Here…" he took his poor cagemate's arm and pulled him to his unsteady feet. He helped his poor friend to a book, and The Brain plopped down, holding his sore arm miserably.

"Gee, I'm sorry, Brain. I told you I don't like needles," Pinky said.

"That is no excuse! You injected me, and now, who knows what will happen!" The Brain began pacing the counter, mumbling to himself.

Pinky played with his fingers, trying to avoid The Brain's scathing eyes. "Well… at least nothing has happened to you… yet."

"Thank you for that depressingly blatant statement, Pinky, but now I must figure out what is going to happen to me."

Just as he said that, his head began to spin, and he fell to his knees, trying to regain his balance.

"Brain!" Pinky ran and helped The Brain to his feet again.

"Oh, Pinky… I'm so horribly dizzy… how much serum did you put in the syringe exactly?"

"Oh, just what you said, Brain," Pinky responded brightly, "All of it."

"ALL OF IT?" The Brain exploded into a tirade of indistinguishable curses and scientific gibberish. "Pinky, you know full well that that's not what I said! I specifically said one milliliter for a test subject and one milliliter for me!"

"Well, you see Brain, I got confused if you wanted to use two needles or just one," Pinky explained, waving his hands around trying to make sense of it. "I knew you were going to stick me first, then you, so I put it all in one syringe to save dirtying two! Thrifty, huh? NARF! I- Brain?"

Smoke and tongues of flame were puffing out of the furious mouse's nose like a bull. His eyes were flaring and Pinky knew he had made a truly horrible mistake. All for being efficient! He blamed Martha Stewart for that one.

"You could've double-check-checked before trying it out," Pinky suggested with a nervous smile.

"PINKY!"

The Brain's fingers were drumming, obviously trying to piece together the results in his overworked head.

"Pinky, this amount of serum in my bloodstream could be catastrophic! Do you have any idea the seriousness of this blunder? I could die! Or worse! Hopefully, the serum won't be so strong, or maybe it'll fade, but who knows? Fusing unstable nucleobases to my DNA could alter me so horribly you won't even know which end of me is up!"

"Oh, Brain, I didn't know!" Pinky sobbed, getting down on his hands and knees to beg. "I just wanted to help! What is going to happen to you?"

The Brain folded his hands, deep in thought. "I don't know. I should soon be acquiring a sort of invincibility: the powers to change my shape, to survive horrific incidents and emerge unscathed, defeat my enemies with nothing but keen wit. But who knows what will happen? We can only wait it out now, until morning. Thank goodness tomorrow is Halloween and the lab is closed. It'll give me time to rest- and think. We can record my heartbeat, and my blood flow; just to see just how much effect the serum has taken on me. I was supposed to record your behaviors, but now, I'm afraid I'll have to record my own, which will be hard knowing that I will most likely not be aware of any emotional changes. I can't believe I'm asking this, but would you help? You botched this whole thing up, and unfortunately, I have to rely on you to take charge."

Pinky leapt to his feet and took Brain's hands in his own. "Oh, Brain, I promise I'll help! So what do I do? Wait until morning to see what happens to you?"

The Brain glanced in fear at the clock. "I'm afraid so…" He gulped. "Just… wait until morning."