"RYOMA-SAMA!" I look up and see a horde of fangirls, grabbing autograph books, cameras, all sorts of torture devices. Immediately I turn on my heel and start sprinting in the opposite direction.

"AHHHHH! RYOMA-SAMA! COME BACK!" This motivates me, EVERY SINGLE DAY. My legs pick up speed and I dash down the hallways, past lockers and a glimpse of Tezuka buchou… he's… SMILING! Baka Buchou! Help me, not mock me! Suddenly a leg shoots out of nowhere and trips me. I fall and soon I'm on my face. Oh! How this puts my pride and dignity to shame! Since when did Echizen Ryoma trip over and fall! NEVER! I look up and see the smirk on the face of Momo senpai. I curse him under my breath.

"HE'S DOWN! LET'S TAKE HIM!" Oh crap. There are hands all over me. Flashes! Oh my goodness. I'm the poor victim of a fangirl rape. This is horrible. I try to claw my way out, then I feel a hand pull me out from under all the mangled bodies. Wow, this person is strong. This person is going to get a treat from me! This person is the best! Oh, man, maybe not so much of a treat, maybe just kind of a- MOMO-SENPAI! First he kills me, then he saves me. What does he want! Suddenly, I'm being dragged across the floor at an incredible speed. I am never coming to school again. Anyone who saw my body being dragged like that is going to be assassinated. By me. For me. And then another hand grabs me.

"Momo! Hurry up, nya!"

I don't have to look up and I know who it is. Eiji-senpai is bouncing, he is literally bouncing. Finally, the friction stops and I swear my pants have been ripped at my knees and a little upward. I stand up and pant, I shouldn't be tired, but I am.

"Momo-senpai! What are you doing! You trip me then you save me!"

"Oi, Echizen, be appreciative for the small things in life!"

"That's not you, Momo-senpai. You're one of the bigger, more annoying things in life."

"Echizen!"

"Hoi, Ochibi! Aren't you happy we saved you? Those fangirls are a big trouble aren't they!"

"Eiji-senpai, why are YOU here?"

"Ochibi! Don't be so mean!"

"Mada mada dane."

Then I hear the sound of pen on paper. Inui-senpai.

"Inui-senpai, what are you doing?"

"Ii data."

I sigh. What's the point? When did he get in here? Where the hell am I? I look around. Oh. I'm surprised I didn't remember the surroundings. The clubroom.

"97 he would have just succumbed to the rape…"

My head shoots up.

"Iya! Inui-senpai! 97 I would run away! RUN AWAY!"

"Saa… Inui. I think it's a 100." Eiji bounds up next to the tensai.

"Hoi,hoi! Inui! It is 100!"

"yeah! 100 he'll just let himself get raped!"

Inui scowls. I gather that Inui-senpai does not like others doubting his data. I get tired of this and pull my cap further down.

"Mada mada dane." And I walk out of the clubroom. I walk around the grounds of Seigaku a little while, then get myself a Ponta. Then I sit on a bench and enjoy the quietness of the surrounding. It's great, you know, not thinking about much… Just maybe why John Kerry didn't win the election… I still think it's the face. My face isn't like that. Is it? No. I'm better, but that's just cos I'm younger. But if I were older I'd still-

"RYOMA-SAMA!"

Immediately my legs are in action again, and AGAIN, like every other time, I manage the fall and start to get groped by all these crazy fangirls.

"I love you!"

"I want his sleeve!"

"I want his cap!"

"I want HIM!"

"Ahh, MOVE IT!"

I'm unable to move. I'm trapped. I'm like a bird deprived of freedom. In the end I just wait while I'm being raped from head to toe. Maybe I can transfer schools and no one will know… Oyaji will be my mocker for the rest of my days. I squint upwards and see Momo, Eiji, Fuji and Inui standing there. Momo and Eiji are laughing. Fuji is smiling. And inui? He's writing.

Damn it. I hate it when senpai-tachi are right.

fin-